Sunday, April 14, 2013

2.5 Weeks

To all those out there who are in long distance relationships, or who have been in them I commend you!! Dey is away for 2.5 weeks and I'm going crazy. He has only been gone for a week and I don't know how people have handled being in actual long distance relationships. He is only on vacation, an open ended vacation that is, and I am having the hardest time with him being so far away. If we were in the same province and I just couldn't see him that would be fine, but the fact that he is in Toronto makes it worse. They always says "you want what you cant have." Right now I cant have him and it sucks. We have talked multiple times a day and have even skyped as well and this has helped a lot. I know I sound like one of those stupid girls whose world only revolves around their boy, and I try not to be like that. I have still hung out with my friends this past week, and I'm sure that I will still be hanging with them this week as well, but I still miss my boy... can ya blame me???
Looks like I might be doing some shopping this week to keep myself busy! I already got my hair done, but now I need more clothes! We are vastly coming up on a new season and I need more clothes. So shopping world, you better watch out because I miss my boy and I have money in my account.... deathly combo!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

"Go The Distance"

I thought that I would keep with the Lyric theme from the last blog post. "Go The Distance" is from Hercules, and it is one of my favorite Disney songs, but I also feel as if it relates to me and where my head and heart have been this past week and a half. I have felt like I needed to go the distance but I wasn't sure if I would be able to make it.
My relationship all of a sudden hit a wall, and things just kept getting worse with every passing second and it dawned on me that maybe we didn't have what it takes to go the distance. I didn't want to end things but there came a point where I thought that maybe I needed to walk away in order to make things better and to just clear my head. But there was something amidst all the indecision that told me to just stick it out, and I am glad that I did.
I met up with him on Friday and at first I didn't want to because we didn't start the morning on a positive note. But when we sat in his car and drove with the smallest of small talk things slowly started to ease up and we slipped back into our "normal" selves. We went to the mall to meet up with a contact of his and had lunch and he was nice and bought me an ice cream from marble slab. He got an invite to a BBQ at his friends house and we went. I am always nervous meeting his friends because I never know what to expect. OH MY GOSH! These people were hilarious and I felt so at ease and felt like I belonged there, like we had known each other before. We got a long so well and we just hit it off and we were very much a like personality wise. After we left the BBQ we met up with people I work with to go to the Comedy Cave because my friend Michelle had free tickets. It was so funny and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Saturday's I normally go to the office with Dey but when I woke up I had the worst migraine I have had since I was a little kid when I used to get them all the time. I was in so much pain that I was shaking and even water made me want to throw up. Dey was so worried about me that we didn't go to the office and I seriously slept until about 5pm. I woke up feeling so much better than earlier and I was more than happy to go out to the movies with the special boy who was attentive to my needs as a sick little girl. We went to the new GI JOE movie and what I can say is that it was better than the first one, but it wasn't as good as I would have hoped, and also there weren't enough shirtless men hahaha what can I say I love me some shirtless hot men, I mean what girl doesn't!? hahaha
On Sunday we went to church, we went to Brentwood ward for sacrament and then we went to the Spanish ward for sacrament as well because someone that Dey knows is going on his mission and it was his farewell. Now in the Spanish ward everything is in Spanish and I love listening to the people speak. I had the option to use the headphones that they provide for visitors to hear things in English, but I love listening to the way they express themselves. I did however luck out because the guy who was going on his mission spoke in English!
After church we decided to hang out and watch a movie before we went to dinner at Michelles. Dinner was at 6 and of course we both fell asleep only to wake up to a few texts from Laura and it was now 6. I don't think I have ever gotten up so fast as I did right then.
Dinner was hilarious. Laura made us take these bunny pictures. Michelle tried to sneak corn into my potatoes, I caught on to her though haha.
On a side note, Sunday was my dads birthday and I facetimed them and my family got to meet Dey. Lyla was there and I thought she was hilarious. I miss that kid so much!
Now Monday, this was the day that I seriously fell more in love than I had been before.
I was at work and I get a text from Dey asking me what I had planned for the evening and I told him that I needed to clean my room and do laundry but maybe I wouldn't do my laundry and that I had to clean my bunny's cage and clean up my little eating area. Then all of a sudden I get a text from Laura asking why Dey was at the house and that Jeremy had let him in... then she told me the washing machine was going.
I get home and walk into my room knowing full well that he is still at the house and see that my room is now clean, my laundry is done and folded, and then I looked over and saw flowers, candy and movies along with a "love" letter. Seriously that was way more than I expected to have come home to. I was so happy and then just when I didn't think that things could get better I get told that we are going to dinner. My night was seriously amazing. I couldn't have asked for anything better than this. I was taken by surprise with this and I appreciated it more than I can ever express.
Deys willingness to do something like this for me has proven that not only do I have, but we have what it takes to go the distance. I was touched so deeply, and I am so happy to be with him even when things aren't the best I know that its all worth it and things will work out.

Monday, March 25, 2013

"Nobody Said It Was Easy"

Im pretty sure those Coldplay lyrics explain it all right about now. I never went into this thinking that things would be easy, and people who do are living in a dream world. Good things arent supposed to be easy. Good things require work and sometimes work really means fighting through the problems.
Today I am running on less than 4 hours of sleep because things right now arent easy. I am left in limbo not sure which direction I am going to be going.
Ive had emotional "Issues" for as long as I can remember and sometimes they are really good and sometimes not so much. As of late things have been great and my emotions have been nothing but good. Then some where between Wednesday and Thursday things just shifted. I cannot explain why this happens to me or what causes it, but it just happens. This is something people dont understand unless they have gone through it. This is something I have worked really hard on and when Im told Im not working on it I feel like a failure. This is my flaw and some people cant handle that, and right now Im not sure if this is something that can be dealt with by others.
Nobody said that things would come easily and right now Im in a hard and difficult place with almost every aspect of my life. I am doing my best, but I guess some times my best isnt good enough or its not what people think it should be.
So this is me, an emotional wreck for no reason with all my imperfections, am I worth the fight?

Monday, March 18, 2013

This Isnt Easy For Me...

I hate feeling like Im disappointing people. I want to spend time with everyone, and I want everyone to spend time together. I hate that I cant make things go a certain way.
I am torn between spending time with my friends by breaking a promise to the guy Im dating, or keeping my promise to the guy and upsetting my friends. I just wish that this could come easy. You may look at this and say its a no brainer "keep your promise" or "go with your friends." The decision seems easy, but for me its not. I dont want to be the type of person who is forced to choose and today I feel forced. I get guilted by all parties, Im sure they dont mean to guilt me, but they do. I just cant please everyone and myself. That is the other choice, just do what I want. Now this is the hardest part; I want both! I have the hardest time making decisions when there are more people involved than just myself. I want to be able to please everyone and I cant. I just want this to come easy and its not.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Work in Progress

Life has been good to me over these past few months and I am happy for that.
My relationship is going good... well its going better than good, its amazing. Dont get me wrong we have had a few bumps in the road along the way but I am accepting of them because together we have been able to work through our problems and discuss things and "fix" the issue(s). I love the growth I have accomplished from this. I have seriously changed over these past few months, and these changes have been for the best.
Sunday I was able to face my fears and face some challenges I have been placed with over the past couple of years and I have been able to start working towards what I want the most; The Temple.
I havent had a Temple recommend in about 2 years and I am excited to get it back. Its going to take some time, and there are some challeges that come with this, but I am so excited about getting back to where I want and need to be.
My bishop has given me a few challengs for the next couple of months; Praying morning and night, reading my scriptures daily, and fasting every Sunday. Now these things may not seem like challenges to some, but they sure are ones for me.
These are a work in progress for me.
I guess its time to get to work!

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Best Things...

All my life I have never felt like I was worth having someone who wanted me back because I have never had that before. Never had I ever been told to my face that I was beautiful. But all of sudden I became worth it to someone. I was worth loving. This has made me so happy. Life is great, and I thank God for giving something that I never thought I would ever deserve.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I have always been the girl who has never been able to express herself very well. I tend to hide them away and never let anyone in to see them. This has caused a lot of issues with me emotionally where I have seriously not been able to get up out of bed. I have a fear of judgment and rejection and this in return has caused me to close off so many aspects of my life to people because Im scared of what may happen.
Normally Im not willing to let people in and see my emotions, but here I am so happy that I cant keep them in all the time. Im sure people are hating me and the fact that Im happy all the time, but honestly I think its about time that Im this happy. Ive been closed off and unhappy far too much in my life and its about time that things change.
Saturday night I was out with the boy, and yes he is a big part of my happiness, and I seriously was shaking like a leaf. I have known for a little while, but I wasnt sure how I would open myself up to this, and I needed clarification on a few things to help make it easier for me to do. Then I decided "its now or never! no point in hiding now."
This is when things exploded because I dropped the BOMB! This is something I didnt think I would ever do, and definitely not do it first, but I did. Im sure so many people are probably thinking that Im crazy but quite frankly I dont care. None of them are in this relationship. Its just me and him and honestly I wouldnt change anything at all.
Saturday night/early Sunday morning is when everything changed and I finally took down my last wall I was hiding behind. This is the moment when I realized that life from here on out wont ever be the same, and this is something I am ok with!

Big explosive things... 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Birthday Boy

I said that I would give you the details of how the birthday went so here they are...

Melody from work is the nicest person in the entire world!! I dont have my own car because im stupid and havent gotten one yet, and Melody gave me her car for the night so that I could take the boy out for his birthday. So once I got home from work I had a couple things to get and had to get dressed because I was wearing a dress and I didnt want to be wearing a dress when we went out.
So I drove to his place and I gave him his cake along with a stuffed dog. Yes I bought him a stuffed animal just because I know he wants a dog and I wanted to be cheesy just like him.
We went out to The Cactus Club on MacLeod Trail and I got a steak and potatoes, and seriously it was so good! I think that this is now one of my new favorite places to eat. The potatoes were the best that I think I've ever had!! He ordered Butternut Squash Ravioli with Prongs, and he said it was really good. It was funny though because when they brought us our food, they automatically thought that I was the one who got the Ravioli and that he got the Steak. This was stereotyping at its finest! Not only did they assume the food was gender specific, but they also at the end when they brought the bill they set it beside him and not me... I was the one who was paying for it, but the stereotype is that the guy pays. I am not a big fan of stereotypes, and I seriously thought it was pretty funny that they just assumed. 
Other than the food being great, the entire time that we were there was just amazing! I seriously cannot get enough of this guy. I love being around him, and I love the way he makes me feel. There was a certain topic of conversation that we talked about which Im not going to write about just yet, but it was the best part of my night! He has this way of just making me smile without actually having to do a thing.
After dinner we just went back to his place and hung out for a bit. We talked about a lot of things, and I opened up about my past and things Ive had to overcome and he was so understanding and not judgemental which is great! I have this fear of people defining who I am by what Ive done and them not being able to get past it. But he honestly didnt care at all. Well I wouldnt say he didnt care at all, he was ok with the fact that I wasnt and that Im not a perfect person.
This is one thing that I really like about him, he and I are able to just sit there and talk for what seems like the shortest amount of time, and hours have actually passed but we dont even realize it.
It was snowing when we were out and the roads were a little slick and so this made me a little nervous because I didnt want anything to happen in Melodys car, so I made sure I didnt leave right away. As we were talking we both started to fall asleep, and I was trying really hard to stay awake because the last thing that I needed was to fall asleep and not wake up before work and Melody be stranded at home because I had her car. After almost an hour of dozing off I got enough strength to leave. It was close to 130am when I left, and I had quite a ways to go. I was lucky that all the snow had melted off the road and it was an easy drive home. I got home and seriously the moment my head hit the pillow I was out! So I only ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep, which really isnt enough for me, but if I had to do it again I would. It was so worth it knowing that he had a great birthday and that he was happy! I am so happy that I got to help make his day a memorable one.
Overall I would say that last night was a success! This was the first time that Ive ever dated anyone for their birthday, and for real it was stressing me out because I was worried that I wouldnt be able to make his birthday a good one, but from the help of friends, it was made possible to put a smile on his face! I have a feeling this will be the first of many things to come! : )

Watch Out Barry! (j/k??)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Few Little Things Im Grateful For...

Today is Wednesday and I must say that Wednesdays are my second favorite day of the week! Wednesday marks the middle of the week and once I get to this day I feel as if the rest of the week will just fly by, and it normally does. This week has seriously gone quite fast! I have been really busy at work learning new things and it has been great! I seriously love my job! This is something I didnt have for a long time. I never came home happy, and I never woke up happy... Dont get me wrong, when my alarm goes off in the morning Im not really the happiest about getting up, but once Im up and out the door I do pretty good! I love the people I work with and that seriously makes all the difference.
Another reason why I think this week has gone by so fast is because when Ive been coming home from work I have been busy cleaning and organizing things.
Last night I did something I havent done in I dont know how long... I read my scriptures! I even wrote things down as I read, and that is something I never do! But I am trying to better myself and I have decided that this is a good way to do that. Ive had a lot to think about lately and Ive had some questions Ive wanted answered, and I felt that this is a good way to help those questions get answered.
So last night as I prayed I spent probably 10 minutes just praying about things that I am grateful for and I thought that I would share them with you.

I am grateful for:

-My family. Even though Im not the closest with them, I appreciate them and the things they do. I love them all so very much!
-My friends. These are the ones who have been there for me through all the good and the bad. They have stood by me and watched me make stupid choices but still have stuck it out and have given me the best advice they could.
-I am thankful for my mistakes. This probably seems like a silly thing to be grateful for, but these are things that have gotten me to where I am today. These are things that I have learned so much from. These are the things that have helped me grow in more ways than one. These are the things that have strengthened my relationship with my Saviour.
-My Job. I was really unhappy for a long time and then I was given the opportunity to get a new job and I took it! This seriously was one thing that I was blessed with. It has been a life changing experience for me, and also it has been a great blessing to me in my life. It has given me my life back, and has helped me stay happy and upbeat. Yes of course I have my hard days just like anyone else, but overall my days are quite good.
-Answers to prayers. This has been something I have had issues with in the past. I havent really felt like my prayers have been answered very often. But this past year I have had some answered. I always seem to have my prayers answered when Im going through a hard time and I dont even realize that I have prayed for anything.
-The Boy. Yes I am thankful for him. Obviously its nice to be dating someone who genuinely cares about you, and I am grateful for that. But I am more grateful for the changes he has made in my life. He came into my life when I needed him most, and when I needed to make some serious changes. Now here I am doing things I havent done in what seems like forever, and I have been happier than Ive ever been. Now obviously he hasnt made me change, but he has motivated me to be the best me I can be! For this I am grateful.

Today is Wednesday and I am grateful for many things and I thought I would share them.

Tomorrow I will let you know how tonight goes, because its Deys birthday!
Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Monday, January 28, 2013

For Your Information

As many of you know Ive been dating someone and have given very little information about who he is. So I thought that I would maybe fill you in on a few of the details.

How we met: December 8th we met completely by chance at the UofC salsa dance club. We talked for hours on end and it was great. Then on December 16th he kissed me, and I knew right then and there that he had great potential for me to really like him.

His Name: I always call him "Mr. Man" or "The Boy" but in reality he does have a name and its Dey Rivera. Hes originally from Guatemala but moved to Toronto when he was 7. His first language is Spanish and when he speaks it Im completely mesmorized by it.

His Age: I have always said that I would only date someone who was older than me, but then slowly I started seeing guys who were younger than me and it wasnt so bad. Now I am back onto the older. Dey will be 32 on Wednesday. I know crazy right!? Im not even 26 yet, but here I am dating a guy who is 6 years older than me! But in all honesty he doesnt act like hes that much older than me. I guess thats because he is a guy and guys always act younger than their age, So Im ok with it.

What he does: Dey is a financial advisor! I can hear you all gasping now because lets face it, Vanessa and money havent always been a good thing! haha Well maybe this will be a good thing for me. But hes not allowed to see my bank account until waaaaaayyyy later!!!

How Things are going: Like I said before, we met completely by chance and I seriously didnt even want to go out that night. I am so glad that I did. I never thought that things would turn out the way that they have. Neither of us ever really expected to start anything with each other. Of course I knew that if he wanted to pursue something that I would be open to the idea, but I didnt actually think that he would want to. And now here we are, after meeting a month and a half ago, dating and things are going great. I am happy, and he is too. He tells me he misses me on a daily basis, and tells me Im beautiful all the time. These are things that Im not used to. Ive never had someone be so kind to me, and be so genuine and nice. I always picked the "bad boys" and always got hurt. This time around though, I dont see that happening. Things are getting a bit more serious and normally anything that has to do with commitment scares the heck out of me! But for some reason I want this. This past summer there were a lot of firsts for me and Laura had said that maybe these things will be what makes me ready for a serious commitment... What were these things you ask? Let me tell you!
In June I bought my bunny... Laura said, "Maybe if you commit to a pet then you can commit to a boy!"
Then in August I was finally in a wedding (Ive never made it into a wedding party before) and it was Lauras and she said "Maybe the curse is finally broken?? Maybe you just needed to be in a wedding for you to be able to find someone!" and then at her wedding I caught the bouquet! Now this isnt the first time that Ive caught the bouqet but its the first time catching one when Ive been in the wedding party and then Laura said "Maybe now it really will be your turn!" This was something that I didnt think was true. And now here I am, the happiest I think Ive ever been and I couldnt have asked for anything better!
We've shared our life goals with each other and both want to help the other achieve them. We've talked about what life would be like if things work out between us. We have even made a new goal to read our scriptures together! I used to always look at those people who said that they prayed and read their scriptures together and think that they were a little lame, but here I am about to do the same thing and I am excited to share that with him.
This year has seriously brought on many changes in my life and I am happy to see the positive outcome from them. I was upset about turning 25 and honestly at first 25 wasnt turning out to be the greatest thing for me, but here I am happy! Who would have thought!?

Well I know that Mondays generally are a bit of a downer but I thought that I would look to the good in things and because I woke up happy I thought that I would share my happiness!

Friday, January 25, 2013

"It Takes Two"

Today I woke up happy. That seems to be a common thing lately, and I really like it. Its so weird being this happy, and I keep looking over my shoulder expecting things to change and for things to go back to the way they were. Im always genuinely surprised when I wake up and things havent gone back to the "sad and lonely" days as I like to call them.
This boy has done wonders since I met him almost 2 months ago. I am in many ways a completely different person.
Its funny because I find myself completely zoning out on him throughout the day, and I miss him the moment he leaves. Its a weird feeling because I dont think Ive ever felt like this before. I love the way I get nervous and excited still to see him, and when he smiles my heart beats just a little faster.

Have you ever watched the Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen movie "It Takes Two"?
For some reason I was thinking about it this morning and theres a line in it that I just think describes how Im feeling perfectly...

Diane Barrows: Besides, you don't want to be an orphan forever.

Amanda Lemmon: So adopt me, why don't you!

Diane Barrows: They won't let me adopt you on my salary; besides, you deserve a mother *and* a father.

Amanda Lemmon: So, get a husband.

Diane Barrows: It's not like buying a car, you know.

Amanda Lemmon: I know. It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?

Diane Barrows: Hey, a girl's got to have her standards.

Right now I feel as if Im at that point. You all probably think Im crazy for liking someone this much after only a couple months, but I seriously am unable to help it.
This is where Im at today... Its making for a longer day because I want it to be done because I get to see him tonight.

Heres to a long, but happy Friday!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Airport Adventures

I am back in Calgary now but before I got here there were a few things that I had to go through to get to me sitting here in my bed tonight. Let me start from the beginning...
Last night there was crazy winds in Halifax and it was so loud, not to mention that someone put their dog outside and decided to leave it out there and let it bark all through the night. So here I am trying to sleep and I cant because of all the noise, then to top it all off I hear a bang out in the living room and I immediately assume that someone has broken into the house and wants to kill us. I decided I should go investigate the situation but half way to the living room I decided I didnt want to risk it and quickly checked to see if my mom was still in her bed, aka alive, and then I turned the light on in my room and tried to get some sleep. I am also scared of flying for some reason. Im not the typical person who's scared of the actual flying part, I get really nervous and anxious leading up to getting to the airport. So here I am laying in the worst bed known to man trying not to barf (laura thats for you.) I had to get up at 345am to be sure that I could get a shower and get ready because I was meeting the boy at the airport and I needed to look good for it.
Onto the airport adventures... I made my mom get up extra early and drive me so that I could ensure I would get there early enough to get a window seat... well me and the window seat were just not meant to be. Me and an aisle seat were also not friends. The middle seat however was my bestie! I was lucky that I got the emergency exit so I atleast had some extra leg room. After checking in I went to the security part of the airport to get everything checked out to make sure I wasnt planning on taking the plane down. Here I am putting all my things in the bins and waiting for them to get scanned and handed back to me. Well because I have a laptop they decided to do a swab of my laptop and well, they checked it and it came back positive for... TNT! Uhhhhh mom and dad where on earth did you get this!? So I had to get searched and I had to have all my stuff run back through the scanner then everything had to be taken out and searched quite thoroughly. I also was questioned. This seriously was not my idea of a good start to my day. Sitting on the plane I was in between a Michael Phelps wannabe and an oversized lady who kept getting nose bleeds! Yay me!!
I am the type of person who has a really hard time sleeping on planes but because I had very little sleep I was able to sleep for a little bit but not a whole lot. I was getting really anxious to get into Calgary because I really wanted to see the boy who was waiting for me at the airport.
I get off the plane and decided I needed to pee before I see him and also I wanted to make sure that I still looked some what decent. As I was headed down the stairs to baggage claim where he would be waiting I was seriously getting so nervous and anxious to see him. We had talked everyday that I was gone but it had been ten days since we had seen each other and it was a little nerve wracking. So I walk through the doors and I didnt see him at first and then I look over and I see him standing there with a teddy bear! Like seriously so cheesy but it honestly just made my morning. I was so happy that I got to see him and that he cared enough to get me a teddy bear. I have never had anyone buy me a stuffed animal before. The best part is that it smells like him. I hugged him so many times because I was just so happy to be with him. I havent stopped smiling since. He came over afterwards and looked at me and said "Im so happy to have you back and please never go away for that long ever again." Seriously I dont know how on earth this really all came to be. He has been just so unexpected in my life and I dont want to let it go. He said that his heart will be mine as long as I dont hurt him. I have no intention of doing so. As scary as this is to be in a vulnerable state I am loving everything so far. Now all I need is a car and an idea for his birthday next week. Hes turning 32 and I have no idea what to do or get him... well heres to hoping that I figure things out!!!
So I am back in Calgary and Im officially official with this boy and I am a happy girl!!
Happy Monday everyone!!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The End Is Near...

It is Sunday afternoon and I thought that since I am going to need tonight to pack I should probably write about the remainder of my trip now.
I left off talking about Wednesday night and the phone call I got. After the phone call I didnt get a whole lot of sleep because I just couldnt get my mind to shut off. This is a problem I seem to be having lately while Ive been home so my sleeping patterns are all out of wack. I got woken up at about 7am by my mother asking me if she kept Lyla at the house would I be willing to watch her while she went to Costco. I grudgingly agreed... not because I didnt want to spend time with Lyla but because I was half asleep and was super tired. Around 9 ish Lyla and my mom come downstairs and tell me that I now need to wake up to watch her. I tried to keep my eyes open but it was really difficult. Luckily Lyla had Bobot (the Ipad) to entertain her. At first she kept trying to show me "funny" kittens and I just acted as if I was interested and fake laughed until I fell back to sleep. I know I know, I am a HORRIBLE person. It was never my intention to back to sleep but it happened. I didnt sleep long and was soon awoken by the sounds of rushian voices followed by the sounds of the sweetest laughter there is. I got up and go to sit by Lyla to see what she was watching and she was indeed watchcing some random show on youtube that was russian and she then proceeded to tell me that it was all about a girl who was very bad. One day we are all going to wake up and she is going to be fluent in russian. That kid just cracks me up.
Once my mother was home I quickly got ready because I had a lunch date with an old manager of mine, Raquel, and I was seriously so excited to see her. She was the one person I always loved working with and she and I were just like 2 peas in a pod. I adore her. We went to this pub in Bedford called Finnbar and I got this amazing chicken sandwich. We got to talk about everything that has gone on in the last year and how we are and all about her wedding that is coming up in June. I know that if I would have stayed here I would have been in the wedding for sure. I am seriously so happy that she is finally marrying this guy. She is 47 and it just shows that you can have all your dreams come true no matter what age you are. Its funny because she dated this guy in high school and they were completely in love with each other but for some reason that I cannot remember they broke up. They both went their seperate ways and both had lives of their own which included children and marriages that just didnt work out. They found each other years later and have been together pretty much ever since. Their saying on the wedding favors is all about how their first love is their last love. I think it is just so cool how they were able to get back together and now embark on this journey together. I love wedding stuff and lately I have just loved it even more than usual. Raquel showed me her wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses, which she found at American Eagle for 30$ each. The dresses are so beautiful and I wish that I could be here for it but I cant. June is a crazy month for me because if everything goes the way I hope it does then Im going to Atlanta for a few days and then the following week I am going to Tayor Swift in Winnipeg with Laura. But I wish for her nothing but love and happiness. She is amazing and she deserves it.
Ok... after having Lunch with Raquel I was supposed to meet up with Pat, but he had "family issues" and couldnt meet up. This was a little sad only because I do love catching up with him, but it was no major loss so thats a plus. I came home for Tacco dinner with the fam, and of course Lyla was there and seriously I just had the time of my life goofing around with her chasing her around the house and her attacking me. That little girl puts the biggest smile on my face. I cannot believe that she is going to be going to school in the Fall. I am so sad that I wont be able to see that happen, but I am seriously so in love with the little person she is. Its crazy how fast time flys these days. It seems like yesterday she wasnt even born yet, and now here she is so full of life and personality that sometimes you wonder if maybe she has a little too much hahaha she is a character and so unique I love her.
After dinner I went over to my friend Kali's house so that we could do dessert. Theres this little desserterie and bar on Barrington Street which is quite cute, yet a little pricey, but since I am on vacation and I dont get to see these people very often I thought that it was ok to spend a little more on dessert than I normally would. Kali and I used to work together and its because of me and the last time I was here that she and her boyfriend are together. He used to live with Jake and they all came to the Pogue last year when I was in town because I begged Jake to come because I wanted to see him. Now if things dont work out between them, then I had nothing to do with them ever meeting ahaha.
Kali and I spent a few hours just talking and catching up and it was fun. It was just so chilled and relaxed as it always is when shes around and thats why I love hanging out with her.
I came home afterwards and just sat on the couch and started watching Lost. I watched most of the first season when it was on TV but because of conflict in show schedule I didnt continue watching it and I have always wanted to watch the rest of it. Josh has netflix so I have been watching it on there. I am a little obsessed as of right now and Im not even finished season 1.
After very little sleep again it was now Friday and I had to get up and drive to Middle Sackville to see my friend Lexie and her baby Addison. Seriously I think there is something in the water here because all the kids are growing up so fast and I dont like it one bit. I remember when Lexie found out she was pregnant almost 2 years ago and now Addison is almost a year and half. She was hilarious. Within minutes of me being there my lap was covered in toys and puzzle pieces then she wrapped her blanket around me. Honestly I am loving all my friends little kids. I have always loved kids but I think now that I am getting older I have fallen more in love with them. Dont get me wrong, I still get annoyed with kids just like everyone else but I do love them so much.
I stayed at Lexies for a few hours and then I had to head to Halifax Shopping Center to meet up with Katie. Seriously this week has been a check list of people I have been tryin to see. I literally had to put people into my calendar so that I knew when I was and wasnt free. I love how busy I was because it made my trip that much better because I actually got to see pretty much everyone that I wanted to see.
Back to Katie... we just walked around the mall and chatted. We got to talking about her relationship with this guy we used to work with and how when she is done school she thinks that she might move to Calgary. This would be great and I would love it. Katie is awesome and so funny. I miss having my friends around, but I love Calgary and wouldnt want to live any where else at this point.
After hanging with Katie I had nothing to do and was in Halifax still and I knew that institute was happening soon so I first went to Bulk Barn because I wanted some candy and then went to the chapel. I am seriously so impressed with the new CES person, Bro. Cartier. He is a great teacher. I do feel bad though because I was so distracted with Logan and Stacey that I didnt pay much attention. I get distracted easily and Friday night was no exception. After institute I decided to call it a night because I had to get up way early the next day to take Josh to the airport and to bring my car back. Well of course I couldnt sleep again so I didnt get much and then it was time to go at 430am. The best part was that I didnt get out of the car to say goodbye to Josh because it was cold and pointless to get out for 2 seconds so as he was walking away he turned and looked at me and blew me a kiss hahahah For those of you who know Josh you know how funny this is and how this is typical Josh behaviour. My brother is very sarcastic in many ways and it is seriously one of my favorite things about him. I miss having him around as well.
So we drop Josh off and drop my car off and drive back home which resulted in me climbing back into the sqeakiest bed known to man and going back to sleep until 2pm and then just layin there for hours until the Pizza and Garlic Fingers arrived for dinner. This meant that me and my maja (thats what I've been calling her this whole time) would be spending time eating and watching TV together in the basement. Now this is a rare occurance that she would let us eat downstairs so I took it! We just watched TV for a little bit then I played piano for a bit and then we watched more TV and then I decided it was time to head upstairs and get back to Lost. That is what I did until I decided I should try to get some sleep... Well sleep didnt happen until about 2ish and then I had to get up at 730 for church. I went to Cole Harbor ward with my maja and said my goodbyes to a few people. One of which was Leslie Fraser whom I just love and adore. I didnt get to see her last week so this week was our hello and goodbye. Oh that girl just loves to talk and loves getting in on the dirt... aka she hounded me for information about Mr Man. She was very pleased with her "findings" and made a point to say "I better be invited."
Cole Harbor ward was good and afterwards I took my mom home and went to the branch so say a few more goodbyes. This is where some girl was the first speaker and instead of opening with the classic "Im so nervous please bare with me" line she said "I would much rather take arsenic and jump off a bridge than give this talk." Uhhhhhhh......?????? I seriously was sitting there completely dumbfounded not knowing what to say or think and just nervously laughed like the rest of the people there. Sacrament meeting went a little long and I had to get back home because I had told mom I would be back for dinner and I also made plans with my neighbour whom Ive known pretty much my entire life. So Lauren, neighbour friend, and I just hung out and chatted. This has been a common theme amoungst my friends and I since being here. We chat. There is nothing I like more than to just sit and have a good chat with someone especially if you dont get to do it that often.
Dinner tonight was just me, my maja and dear old poppa bear who graciously got out of bed to have dinner with us. He has been on nights the entire time that I have been home and so I really havent seen him much. Tonight before he heads off to work I will say goodbye to him and this for me will be a sad one because in many ways I am a daddys girl more than anything. I love my dad and I love hanging with him and we havent had the chance to do that. But I am grateful for the little time I did get to spend with him, even if he was asking me questions about the boy and saying "the rest of the questions I will save for him when I meet him" ... Oh poppa bear who knows if that will happen, but if it does I am more than ok with it.
Speaking of Mr "I dont want to make it official until after you get back" has informed me that he has been telling people that he has a girlfriend. So looks like its official. I Vanessa Blakeney have a boyfriend. I have been telling people here that I do just because its easier to explain things to those who dont live in the same province as you... but now Im going to say it to whomever asks. This for me is really exciting. I am so excited about seeing him tomorrow morning at the airport. I am excited to see how this all plays out. Im just really overall happy about the whole thing. It has been a long time coming for this happiness to arrive and seriously I am glad it happened when I was still 25 because if I would have gone into 26 not dating someone then I would have some issues that needed taking up with the Lord. Now dont get me wrong, my birthday is still 4 months away, but I seriously doubt that this will end by then if at all. Thats right I said it, I dont see it ending. But again, being the realist that I am, I know there is just as good of a chance it could end as it could last. Im just really pulling for the lasting side of things.
I have to pack everything tonight and this is something that Im really not looking forward to. I hate packing even when I already know whats going into the bag. I just hate the organizing side of things and it also doesnt help that my bag when I left as a little heavy and Im worried that it may be heavier some how on the way back. In all seriousness I wore almost everything I brought. There were a couple outfits I didnt wear and thats because I wore the same jeans two days and I stayed in my pjs all day yesterday so that makes up for what I didnt wear. I just suck at packing. The End.
Anyway.... Its sad to say the end of my trip is near. I had a blast and love being with family and friends. I also loved the fact that I had a car the whole time which I wont have when Im back. I gotta work on that asap! I am sad to leave NS but I am happy to be going back to something other than my bed. I miss my friends and I miss the boy. I have told him this on many occassions since being here and again I am so excited to see him tomorrow. This does mean I have to get up early and shower and do my hair and make up. If he wasnt picking me up then I wouldnt have showered, but you gotta dress to impress even if you're flying early.
Heres to a good night of packing and watching Lost and then its fly out in the morning!!
Halifax I love you and will miss you!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Being Home!

So its now Wednesday and I seriously could not be asking for a better trip... except maybe that its snowing outside and I thought I had left that in Calgary... Just my luck that it would follow me where I went.
Ok... so onto my adventures thus far. Sunday I believe was the last time I blogged and at that point I couldnt sleep... well things havent really changed much on the sleep front. Im still having issues with it but Im hoping that I will be able to get more sleep tonight! Monday came and I seriously slept until 3pm. This was not  good thing because that would mean that I wouldnt be able to get to sleep that night. Well what more could I do if the damage was already done? Not a whole lot. So I got up and had supper with my parents and got ready for the evening because I was goin to Angies. I did sit down and play the piano for a little while until I was ready to leave. This for me is a type of heaven. I find peace in music and it just seems so much better when Im able to play it myself. After playing for a bit I went to Angies and we hung out and watched the Bachelor. I dont know what it is about this season but I dont really have a "front runner" yet. I normally pick someone out by the first episode, maybe the second but this time I havent. The girls I find are way more catty than they have ever been before and I am excited to see the drama unfold. We all know that this show is full of drama and I seriously love this show because of it.
After leaving Angies I was just laying in bed wide awake with nothing to do, so I put on a couple movies. I was also on facebook and was chatting with Mr Man and then someone else came online and decided he too wanted to talk to me about how upset he was that I wasnt in Calgary the same time as him... Well buddy, my family is more important and also you had your chance and you couldnt be upfront about anything, therefore I said "Peace Out Australia" so deal with it.
Again this night was left very sleepless, and I didnt get to sleep until 6am and had to get up at 830am to make it to my hair appointment. It sucked that I had little sleep but I was thinking that this would mean that I would be able to sleep that night and not have to worry about not getting to bed at a decent hour... Yeah, I should have known better.
I went and got my hair done by Joyce, who is my favorite hair stylist and I have been going to her since I was a kid. She actually used to be my Brownie leader as a kid as well. Its always funny when I go to see her because she is so talkative and we get along great and she always has stories to tell. My hair takes a little over 2 hours... thats because its short, when it was longer it would be more than 3 hours... So when I was done I seriously felt as if I was going to fall down dead because I was so tired. I had made plans for after my hair getting done so I had to get home to get ready. Of course with my luck I got ready and messaged Dan (thats who I was seeing) and then he bailed on me and we said that we would hang out the next day instead. This left my afternoon wide open with not a lot to do and there was no way I was just going to wait around my house and do nothing so I left and went to the mall to see who was working. I visited with a few people for a little while and saw people I didnt get to see yet and I played catch up with them. I always love hanging out with people and catching up. I miss so many of my friends here but I seriously made the right decision in moving to Calgary and being home I am reminded of that. Dont get me wrong NS is great but its just not for me. Ok... so after visiting with a few friends I decided I should go see my grandparents. My grampie wasnt there, it was only my nannie so I just hung out with her for a few hours and chatted about life in Calgary. She did ask me if there was anyone "special" back home and I couldnt lie to the sweet old lady, so I told her that there was someone, but its nothing serious at the moment, and that its just new. This is something that brought a smile to her face because she is always telling people that she wishes that I would find someone. I told her not to get her hopes up though because really no one really knows what will come of this. It was nice seeing her smile and her be filled with hope for me. Such a sweet lady my nannie is.
I left my nannies house and decided to go for a drive so I went to rainbow haven beach but the gates were closed so I could only get a picture from one side, but the sun was setting and it was just so pretty.

After just sitting and looking out at the water for a few minutes I made plans with an old friend, Jake, to hang out for a bit before I went to stay at Hannahs for the night. Jake needed to do some running around and so I had to wait until he was done. I decided to go back home because my phone was dying and I forgot my charger. I drove back to my house and of course my family is not home and I dont have a key for the door so I was locked out with nothing to do. Then it hit me, drive to the Temple and just sit there and think. No idea why I decided to go there but I felt that I needed to go there and just ponder on a few things in my life. So that is what I did.
Here I was for the first time, sitting in front of the Temple praying. I dont know what came over me, but I decided I needed to pray about a few things. I knew in that moment that I really did need to continue working on things in my life and get a few things taken care of when I get back to Calgary. Growing up we are always told that going through the Temple is a good thing and is something you sould work towards and is such a great blessing in your life. I have gone to the Temple before to do baptisims but nothing beyond that. I have always loved the peace it brang to my life. For some reason though I never really thought or believed that I would have the chance to actually go through one day, especially these last few months I kind of gave up on that dream. But then something unexpected happened and all of a sudden everyhing changed and I have been changing my life around in so many good ways, and I am seriously the happiest Ive been I think maybe ever. And sitting in front of the Temple I got this feeling that I was going to have the chance to go through and I got so excited about it. This is a dream Im going to start to work on to make a reality, whether it be because I am going to get married (not saying that this is happening) or if I decide it is something I want to do on my own. Either way I think its a good goal for me to have right now.
After sitting in front of the Temple for almost an hour I went and headed over to Jakes. Now Jake is someone I always thought I would love to date. No he is not a member, but we always got along really well and I always loved hanging with him and talking. A few months ago he and I started talking a lot and it was decided that when I got home we were going to hang out. Now I knew that when I got home that the odds were really good that I would kiss him. I was ok with that because I always wondered what that would be like. Then December happened and things changed. So here I was sitting at Jakes and he was starting to get a lot closer to me and I really felt uncomfortable. There was nothing really going on, but I didnt like sitting that close to him. Then I could feel a shift in the atmosphere and I knew what would happen if I didnt get out of there fast. So I mustered up with strength I had and I left. I got out of there before I was faced with the challenge of turning him away because I have someone I am genuinely interested in and am starting something with back home. This is something I do not want to compromise so I got out and I am glad that I did. Now I dont think Jake and I will ever talk again but I think that is a sacrafice I am more than willing to make.
I left Jakes and went to Hannahs and we just hung out and watched some TV and ate breakfast at midnight. It was great. I always love hanging with her. She is just great and I adore her!
The next day was Wednesday and I spent the majority of the day at Hannahs and then headed home to get ready because I was taking my family out to dinner. We went to Jack Astor's and Josh had Lyla so I was seriously so excited to see her. It was a great night and I was happy spending it with my family.
Seeing that I havent really been sleeping since Ive been home I decided that it would be a good night to get to bed early and it started off that way. However I woke up and was wide awake. Then I got a phone call and I was seriously so excited. The conversation didnt last long because I woke Josh up accidentally so I had to hang up, but seriously I just adore this guy. Its crazy how much I smile these days. I am so excited to get back and see him. There hasnt been a day yet that we havent texted and every time I see his name pop up on my phone I get the biggest smile! I am smitten.
Monday is seriously going to be a bitter sweet day because I leave my family, which sucks, but I get to go back to what is waiting for me in Calgary and that is really exciting.
I dont know what the furture hold but from the sound of things there are only good things to come and for this I am excited and anxious to see what will unfold.
Life is good and I am grateful for all the happiness I am feeling currently. Being home has brought some much needed light into my life and I am loving it!
Happy night to you all!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Can't Sleep

So here I am sitting in a bed with fairy sheets because I am the lucky one who gets to sleep in the 4 year olds bed... that is until she comes here and then Im banished to the floor... Thanks Mom and Dad.
Its 1am here but for me its more like 10pm because I am still on Alberta time... Oh BTW Im in halifax right now! The day finally came and I am home and so happy to be here. I love that I am with my family for the next 9 days.
I am currently blogging but not from my computer because I still havent gotten that yet. I guess that may be partly my fault because when I got home I ended up falling asleep after about an hour or so of being here and slept most of the day. Then when I got up I got ready and chatted a bit with my brother and then headed off to Halifax to see a few people. First I stopped at the mall just to see who was working there and to say Hi to them. I was there for like 15 minutes or so and then headed over to Karens to see her and Olivia. Man its so crazy how children grow up so fast! The last time I saw her it was about 5 months ago and she was still so little and couldnt really do anything but roll. Now she is crawling and even starting to walk. She has changed so much in her looks and is really becomming her own little person. She is just so cute!! It was nice seeing Karen and just catching up and talking about life and everything that has been going on over the last few months.
After I left Karens I went to Jackies to see her because she and Best Friend Uncle Bill are leaving town on Tuesday and I didnt think that I would be able to see them before they left. Also Jackie makes my favorite cookies and she said that if I came to see her she would make them! This is just an added bonus. Contrary to what Laura says, I am NOT using Jackie for her cookies! haha I love Jackie and was genuinely excited to see her. I was a little sad that Best Friend Uncle Bill wasnt there when I got there because I do love bugging him and calling him that hahaha He is seriously so funny and I think deep down he just loves and adores me... well maybe he just tolerates me but Im going to think that he realy does care haha. Well I was sitting there visiting with Jackie and the time was just flying by. We had a nice chat and then Bill walked through the door and it just made the night complete! I was so happy and excited to see him that it took everything out of me not to jump up and down in front of him!!! Seriously tonight I spent more time with Lauras family than I did my own. Dont get me wrong I am excited to see and hang out with my family but I was just so excited to see those I dont get to talk with on a regular basis. Sometimes you just need to be with your friends.
So after visiting with the O'Hearon family I got a message from Hannah and she said that she was working and wanted food and had a break coming up and I should visit her. So thats exactly what I did. I went and picked her and up and we went to Mcdonalds. This was the second time today that I went because I stopped there this morning when I got into town because I really wanted breakfast from there. Soooo good! Lets hope I smarten up and dont eat too much crap while Im here because I need to try to get fit!!!
Tomorrow.. or I should say later today... I have church and I decided to do 2 wards, my parents and the branch, because I just want to visit with so many people and I know that this will be the best way to do that. So I, the girl who has slowly been coming back to church, am doing 6 hours tomorrow!!! Crazy!! I am so happy right now being here and I cannot wait to see so many more people. I am in no way wishing my trip to go by fast, but I am very excited to get back to Calgary and see what the future has in store for me. I was told tonight that I have never smiled this much before, and its true, I havent, and thats all because there are good things ahead for me in Calgary and I am so excited for everything to happen!!!
Well, this is the end of day 1 here in Halifax and I am going to put a movie on and see if I can fall asleep to that! Hopefully tomorrow I get my computer and I can blog from there!
Happy Sunday to you all... or Saturday night if youre reading this from home in Calgary!
I will keep the updates coming!!!


Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Little Things...

Today I want to write about all the little things that have just made everything better in life. Of course being the teeny bopper I am it made me think of the One Direction song "Little Things" ... I am in love with this song actually. I think its cute and well, Im a fan of them! haha

So Ive never been the type of person who is all about big gestures or overly flashy things. I love the simple things in life. Yes dont get me wrong some times I do like the "bigger" things in life, but for the most part I am more than satisfied with the simpler things. For example, Ive never been the one who likes to have money spent on me even on dates! Ive been on 2 dates that were just so simple but sweet and genuinely fun. One time I was visiting Edmonton and I was going on a date and the guy had 2 thermus's of hot chocolate (it was winter) and we drove to this look out of the city and there was a radio that played old school radio movies and we just sat there and talked and listened to the movie. It was unique and fun and it didnt really cost anything. Then there was this time when I was dating this guy and he wanted to take me out but it was difficult to do anything major because he didnt have a car. Well he showed up with flowers (carnations... Im not a big flower person to begin with but Im really not a carnation girl) and my favorite ice cream and we just walked to the park and sat down and ate the ice cream and talked. Again this really didnt cost much and it was nice to just sit and talk and get to know each other.

Now lately the simple things that have made me smile have been the words of a boy via text. Lately I have been getting the nicest texts from him and thats all it takes. I dont need big elaborate things because his words have been more than enough. A simple "goodmorning/goodnight beautiful" has made my day on many occassions and immediately I have the worlds biggest smile on my face. Things like this have made me more than excited to actually continue something with him. I cant wait to see where this all leads because right now I can only see good things coming out of it. I am so excited about going home this weekend, but part of me is just so excited to see him when I get back. I dont think Ive ever been excited for a vacation to end, especially before its even really begun.

There is one more little thing that I appreciate more than words can ever express... that little thing is actually a person, and of course its Lyla! Ive been thinking about her a lot lately because I get to go home this weekend. I also have been thinking a lot about her in the last 24 hours because Mr Mans sister had a baby yesterday and it made me remember when Lyla was born and how happy I was to finally have a niece.

I cannot believe that she is 4.5 years old now! She has grown up so much over the last few years and it saddens me that Im not there to see it happen. She is the best kid ever with the funniest personality. She is a very unique child and I am so happy to have her in my life even if its from a country away.

The next week and half I will be home in NS and yes that did cost some money to go but the best thing is that I will be able to hang out with friends and family and to me thats what is going to be the most exciting. I wont need to spend a lot of money because being with them will be enough.

Happy Thursday to you all!!! : )

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Just a Quickie

This is my second post today, but this is seriously a quick one...

Atlanta in June... SAY WHAT!?

Monday Night = Girls Night

Yesterday was in fact Monday, and after it being what seemed like the LONGEST Monday ever I was more than happy to just get home and go for a tan... Oh yeah, in case you didnt know I love tanning and have been going this past month! Anyway.... So I get home and I chat with Laura for a few minutes and then I went for a nice tan to help me unwind from the day. Yesterday was just a very long day because Donna was sick at work and so I was stuck at the front all day and couldnt get any training done in the Licensing Department. The best part of my day at work was that the boy asked me if I wanted him to pick me up from the airport the day I fly back into Calgary. This is something that I have been hoping for but I didnt want to ask him to do it, I wanted him to want to do it and offer. Then he did and I was seriously on cloud 9 while I was at work.
Ok, so onto my evenining. After I went tanning Michelle was supposed to come over because she wanted me to cut her hair... I cut it for her this summer and she loved it so she wanted me to do it again. For clarification, I am not a hair stylist in any way shape or form. So Michelle being the sweet sweet girl that she is didnt realize that when you go tanning it only takes about 15 minutes in the bed plus travel time. So we are looking at about 30 minutes all together. Well she was supposed to show up to my house a little before 7 because we were going out to eat at 730. She showed up at 715 thinking I would be able to cut her hair for her still. 15 minutes is not enough time. She then informed me that she didnt think that I would be home before 7 because tanning takes forever when you're outside in the sun so she figured it would take just as long inside in a bed. I then explained to her the concept of a tanning bed. My dear sweet Michelle how I love her!
Onto dinner... We went o BP's across the street with Priscila and Catherine. Seriously It was just so nice to go out with the girls and have a good time and just catch up. Priscila however didnt really know what to make of my socialness because the last she had checked I was the girl who stayed at home and didnt do anything. Ive seriously been that girl for a really long time now and dont get me wrong I LOVE being lazy a lot of the time, but Ive also fallen back in love with being social and having friends and doing things... Now all I need is a car and then I can be more social! So who wants to help me out with figuring how to get that started!??? I know nothing about cars and how to go about getting one and the stuff I need so that I can finance one. Any takers???

Ok... So this is seriously not going to be a long post because even though last night was a great night I dont really want to go into details of all of our conversation, but lets just say there were a lot of questions being thrown around because we hadnt hung out in a long time and we wanted to get caught up on everything!

Last night was the premiere of the Bachelor and let me tell you... This season looks like its going to be full of drama which is GREAT! The first episode was hilarious and I felt so awkward with so many of the girls who decided to "make a first impression." Im sorry but if you need to do all these weird antics to get attention then whats the point of being yourself!? Like yes I understand you want to impress someone but seriously come on!! You dont need to do half the things you do. Just be yourself and if your personality shines through and you have that initial "connection" then you will make it! Please stop embarrassing yourself... or dont because I actually think it makes for great TV hahaha

For a closing to this blog I just want to insert one bit of sheer happiness... Today is January 8th 2013, and on this date last month (Dec.8th.12) my life changed and I am loving how happy Ive been since then. I never thought that I would be able to be this happy this fast, but right now I am. For that I am thankful!
Happy Tuesday to you all!!


Monday, January 7, 2013

The Things I Cant Explain

Friday night I had plans to go to this Open Mic Night for the YSA Welcome Week with my friend Jenn. However, Jenn bailed on me and I ended up staying home and waiting for Cortney to get there because she was staying the night. I got a text from Mr Man and he said that he wanted to hang out and wanted to have " a talk" later on. I was ok with this, yet I was a little nervous because I wasnt sure what this little chat was going to turn into. Im the type of person who always thinks the worst because then I dont get my hopes up, and if things are better than I anticipated then Im pleasently surprised. So obviously Im sitting at home thinking that everything is about to come to an end and that things arent going to go any further than what they have and that he is going to pull out the "lets be friends car."
Again, me being me, I made sure that my hair was done and make up was nice and that I wasnt over dressed but I also wasnt really casual looking either because I wanted to make an impression. I called it my "Pick Me" look or my "You're Gonna Miss Out" look.
Cortney was at the house and this kid cant seem to come over any time before 10pm so I knew that he wouldnt be at the house until later... 11:30pm is when he showed up... and Cortney being the nice friend she is slept on the fouton so that Mr Man and I could sit and chat in my room.
Well he came over and I was seriously so nervous. We talked to Cort for a few seconds and as she walked away he asked for a kiss... So this to me was a good sign. This meant that things were going in a good direction.
Heres where things got... well, things didnt change much. He sat down and he took my hand in his and he looked at me and said "I really hope I dont make you cry." Now these are not the words of a good conversation so immediately I start to panic a little because I do like this guy and I do want to be with him, and Im not ready to say goodbye just yet. He started to say somethings about how he doesnt want to rush things and that he doesnt want to hurt me and he doesnt want to get hurt himself, and I interject with a few words here and there and he then tells me Im not allowed to say anything at all. This is not easy for me because when someone is talking to me I always say a few words here or there to let them know that Im listening to what they are saying. Well he didnt like that too much so I literally held my lips shut with my free hand.  He then went on to tell me that when I get back from being home he wants to date but to take it slow, and then in March he going home to visit and once he gets back he wants to get more serious. However, there is something he needs to do while hes there. Now this is something Im not going to go into detail about because people wont understand why Im willing to continue this with him. This is something I cannot explain. Ive thought a lot about this over the past few days and I know that right now, this is where Im supposed to be and I need to pursue things with him.
He said things to me that night that I never expected him to say, but I know that he would be good to me. Already he has been such a positive influence in my life and Ive only known him for about a month.
I cant explain the way he makes me feel, and I cant explain the reasoning behind the sacrifices Im willing to make to be with him, but I can tell you this; No matter the outcome of this whole situation I know that God led me to him at the moment when I needed him most.
Sometimes the things that you cant explain are the things that you need to have happen in your life, and as much as people dont understand the situation or dont understand why Im ok with somethings, as long as I understand them then thats all that really matters.
Im happy, and thats all that matters right!?

Friday, January 4, 2013

Laura Wants to Barf!

Im sure by the title of this entry there is no way you can really guess what I am about to blog about.
Let me tell you...
The other night Laura came downstairs into my room... which was clean and she was shocked by that because lets face it, me and a clean room dont really happen that often, except for this past month for some reason it has stayed reletively neat and tidy! GO ME!
Anyways... Back to the subject at hand; Lauras barffing! So here she is sitting on my bed and Im sitting on my floor by my dresser because lately thats where Ive been sitting and just listening to music a lot lately. So we are talking and I am there with a huge smile on my face talking about things that have gone on in the past little while, and I am genuinely happy. Then she said it, "Your happiness makes me want to barf because I dont know how to handle it... dont worry its a good thing!" Well gee thanks Laura! hahahaha
Its true though, I have been really happy and positive lately and I quite like the changes Ive seen in myself. All of this has made me think about my life a bit in the last few years, and I have been happy before, but this time its different. I spent 2.5 years telling myself that this one person made me happy, and yes to some extent he did. He was my best friend and I was able to talk to him about everything and yes I was wildly attracted to him and I thought that if he were willing to commit to me that he was the one I wanted to be with. However, he never did want anything serious with me, but I kept telling myself that one day he would because I thought that he made me happy. Only now looking back on that situation, I wasnt really happy and he wasnt the best for me. Little by little I was changing and not in a good way. I was loosing bits of who I was and what I really wanted out of life because I thought that I wanted him. Now I do think that if we were both at good places in our lives at the same time and we were both willing to commit and try and make things work between us then it would have been great, but there was never a time that we were both at the same place in our lives at the same time. Neither of us have ever been our best self around the other. This is something everyone needs to avoid.
I lost a lot of myself over those 2.5 years. It was hard to get over the situation but where I am at now in my life and the experience that I am currently going through I can now see that I was never truly happy when I was with that other person. Dont get me wrong, I will always want whats best for him and I am glad that we can now be friends and not have to worry about any romantic feelings, but I know that I need to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person.
Its funny how many little changes there have been in my life over these past few weeks and all because of one person.
So Laura, I am happy and I hope you barf because of it!! : )
2013 apparently is going to be good for me according to a text I got the other night... I guess we will find out what will be said in our little chat before I leave to go home next friday night!!!
This year I think is going to be a year of happy times and for that I am thankful!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Adventures of 2013

It's official... 2012 is over!!! As crazy as it is that yet another year has gone by, and how much I hate it that time just doesn't seem to want to stand still, I am more than happy to see this past year be over! I am so excited to see what 2013 has in store for me! Now with that being said, lets get on to the events that led up to the end of the year!!

On Saturday Laura and I went shopping for a few things... aka I wanted a new dress for the New Years Eve dance because I was told that I had to be there, and I thought that if I had to be there then I better look good doing it. Now Im not the type of person to sit there and say how great I look or how "hot" I am, but this night in particular I actually felt pretty. Now that doesnt happen very often so I decided that It was ok for me to say that I felt that way. The night started off with Michelle coming over to get ready and her trying to bail on me because of the fact that she couldnt get her hair to look right and she started to freak out about it. In the end she sucked it up and came to the dance. Laura and I said that she looked great, which she did, but she didnt believe us until some guy told he that she looked really good and that he loved her hair. Its funny how you never tend to believe the ones closest to you until someone else, mostly guys, tell you that you do in fact look great.

Laura told me I had to get a picture before I went out and so this was it! I was very pleased with the dress purchase and I think that everything turned out pretty well.

So, our friend Kara drove us to the dance... shocking how the influence of a guy can make you so motivated that you ask someone you never ask anything for to help you out. So I guess its pretty obvious that I really like this guy, and I really wanted to spend New Years with him. Before the dance he said there was a chance that he wasnt going to go because he was still feeling really sick, but I told him that he better come and that I would see him at midnight. To back track a few weeks when we first met he had made a comment about how I was going to be his New Years Eve kiss and of course being the first night that I had met him I just laughed it off and rolled my eyes. Well I decided that since I have NEVER had a New Years Eve kiss I was going to make sure it happened. So when he texted me and said that he may not be there I told him he better be and that I would see him at midnight!
Now I have never been known as the "foward" type but I for some reason was very confident that night.
While at the dance I ran into so many people that I dont get to see very often and it honestly made the night so much better than I originally anticipated. I was happy that I made the effort to go out. I was happy just hanging out with friends for the end of 2012.

I got to hang out with my friend Jane and I always love it when I see her. It was so much fun just dancing with her because we both act so crazy together at dances.

So I knew that the boy was there and I wanted him to come and talk to me. This was a test I was secretly putting him through, to see how he acted towards me in a public setting with lots of people. I knew that if he kind of blew me off then it wouldnt be worth my time to keep seeing him because who wants to be with someone who only wants to be with you in a private setting? Well, I ran into him and he was actually on his way to dance with some girl because he promised her that he would salsa with her. I was ok with that because I do not salsa! Right after the salsa ended he came and talked to me and then a slow song came on and we danced and just talked. I seriously think my heart stopped beating because I was just happy, nervous and excited to be around him. I have only ever felt that way once before and this time it was better than the last time that happened to me, which is a great thing!
As the song came to an end he told me how he was going to hang out with his friend who was the DJ that night and for me to go and have fun with my friends. This kind of sucked because I really did want to hang out with him, but I knew that it wasnt the end of the world and to just get over it and have fun with my friends like he said. Just as I started to walk away I turned and told him "Im coming for you at midnight!" He just looked at me and was like "Ok..." He was very much skeptical of this and didnt think I would actually do it because of the fact I have stated before to him that I am not the PDA type of girl. For some reason though this guy brings it out of me.
Needless to say as I was dancing with Jane she said how he kept looking at me. To me this was a total win for me! hahaha
Then the score board lit up with 5mins left until midnight and immediately my heart started pounding and I started to freak out about my new found confidence and I wasnt sure if I would be able to actually go through with the midnight plan. The next 5 minutes were seriously the fastest 5 minutes of my life! With only 35 seconds left I mustered up what courage I had left and pushed my way through the crowd and walked up on the stage where he was and just as everyone yelled out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I tapped him on his shoulder and as he turned around I just went for it and kissed him! I Vanessa Blakeney did something brave that night and I am not only proud of myself for doing that I am very shocked that I actaully did it and I am happy with the outcome.
After the kiss ended I looked at him and said "This is me, putting myself out there and making a move. So if this doesnt say anything then I dont know what will. The rest is up to you!"
After I said that he just hugged me for what seemed like a lifetime and then he kissed me one last time and I went back to hang with my friends and dance the beginning of 2013 away!
The dance ended and I was getting ready to leave and of course I wanted to say goodbye to this guy, so I walked back up to the stage to say goodbye and he pulled me aside and kissed me again. Seriously, I dont think I have ever been so infatuated with someones kisses before. Its nice kissing someone who you like and who genuinely likes you back. It has never been like that for me and this is a new feeling and I just cant get enough. I like how happy it makes me! This boy is bringing out so many changes and positive things in me and slowly I can feel that light I was missing coming back!
Back to the kissing... So he looked at me and said "whats next!?" I told him that I put myself out there and now its his turn, that if he wants to be with me he needs to be with me. He just kind of looked at me and smiled, and then asked if I was going to this party afterwards. I said I didnt think so. He tried to convince me a bit and I seriously contemplated it but then as I got to my house my pjs won the fight and I decided to stay in.
At about 4am I was half asleep and got a surprise... He was at my house! Here I was half asleep and in my monkey pjs and he was at my house. My heart melted a bit. I love talking to this guy. There is something about him that just draws me in.
At one point I just looked at him and said "You know I kind of like you" he then turned and looked at me and said "You know, I dont kind of like you, I know I like you!" Never has anyone actually flat out told me that before and hearing that silenced so many of my fears and insecurities. Now I still have a few because of past experiences but I think that was the best part of the first day of 2013. Here's to hoping that this is some sort of indication of how this year is going to go. As of right now Im really loving it so far and I am happy!! : )