Ok... let me just say this is not an announcement. I am not pregnant, however baby no. 2 has been on my mind a lot lately. I spent a lot of the start of last year saying to myself "I'm not having anymore kids. One is enough!" then as a few months went by I decided that if I were to have another kid and it was a girl I would definitely be done! I stood by that for about a month maybe two then I was on the baby wagon or train and I wanted a baby badly. Now don't get me wrong I love Dominic and am very much attached to him but I really wanted another itty bitty baby around. I have jumped on and off of the train or wagon telling myself Dominic needs a sibling to play with then quickly whistling a different tune and saying that I am perfectly fine with one kid because Dominic is so perfect and amazing I cant imagine having another little person around. I have always said that I would never have an only child family, but the idea of it makes me think its ok. I think maybe I can wait a while before having another kid but I think about the fact that I am closer to my thirties than I am mid twenties and I don't have a lot of time to have more kids that would be optimal baby having years. I also think of my boss who is having her 6th baby and is in her 40's. Power to her for being able to do that because I don't think I could do it at that age. I want more kids I really do but I think I'm scared of not having the time or energy to spend with Dominic. I cannot express how much I love him or how much I miss him all day long, even when hes in bed I miss him. I have this irrational fear that I wont love another child as much as I love Dominic. I know this is crazy and not the case but I just cant shake this feeling that no other baby will be as good as Dominic. Im not sure if I am the only one out there who thinks this way but if I am please don't judge me.
I think about how Dominic is with me and other kids now and he tends to get a bit jealous, throw another kid into the mix who I need to tend to 24/7 and I'm sure that Dominic will be a hot mess. What if I don't have time for him? What if he doesn't like me anymore for it? What if he feels like he doesn't need me and stops cuddling with me? I cannot help but think about this all the time. Also if we were to have another kid Dominic will be around 2, give or take a few months, when we have it and I'm sure Dominic will be a crazier toddler than he is now. How will I cope with a terrible two year old and a new born???
I just cant help but think about these things, and I know I have probably talked about this before but when you start to think about when you are going to try for another you start to wonder what life will be like.
This is my life lately, it actually is stressing me out. I guess if the time is right and the lord thinks its a good time and that it should happen then it will happen. We said before that when we got married if we got pregnant then good and if not then ok... it only took one time and BAM Dominic was born (given the appropriate amount of gestation) and we know that he was meant to be and we are so happy about that. Life has not been the same since and if we have another kid then I know it will be another wonderful journey.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Ok... So I havent exactly found the time to blog about the birthday that happened 2 months ago. But let me tell you, the fact that I have a 1 year old is quite shocking to me. The fact I have a child at all blows my mind!!! But alas I am a mom and I have been loving it everyday... even when he wakes me up at night.. well I may not love it as much in that moment but I do still love it!!! Dominic is a character and has such a personality and a naughty side... For example, he spits at you when you tell him No or Dont touch or stop that. Not quite sure where that came from or how he learned to do that but he does. Its funny but we fight really hard not to laugh at him.
So the night of the 23rd when Dominic was going to bed I told him a bed time story, once that did not come from a book, but it was the story of his birth. A girl I work with tells her kids every year on their birthday the story of their birth and I think its a great way for you to remember what happened as well a great bonding moment to relive that time with your child.
On the 24th I got up and ran around picking up decorations (I didnt have the time during the week because Im at work and I dont have the car in the evenings) and getting set up for the party that afternoon. I was so happy that Dominics birthday fell on a Saturday because I got to be there and we got to have a party on his actually day. I was worried that people wouldnt show up, and when they got there I was worried that we didnt know what to do, but eventually everything just kind of flowed and people talked and the kids played and it was just great! Our basement isnt the biggest but we have the perfect amount of people there to fill it up and to celebrate with.
Dominic was a little needy and going through a fussy period so he was super attached to me but I did my best to make him go and socialize like a good baby.
I made him put on a hat and he has never been a hat fan so Im not surprised that he hated this one... I took a picture and laughed at him before taking it off. Mom of the year award?! I think so!!
Messy Cake Face
He literally just picked up the cake in the smallest of pieces and ate it... He didnt eat a lot and it was quite disappointing when he didnt just dive into the cake like I had hoped. I avoided giving him sweets all year so that way at this moment he would go crazy... not so much. Somedays, like this one, I dont think hes my kid at all!!
At the end of the day it was fun and great to spend time with friends and celebrate the birth of this little monster. Its crazy to think that he isnt a "baby" anymore but is now officially a toddler. Im not so sure how I feel about it, but really what can ya do!? And for all of you out there wondering when I am going to cut his hair *cough cough* mom *cough cough* I will do it when I am ready. He has the sweetest little curls in the back and Im scared they will never come back if I cut them, so one day it will happen, I promise!