when the ink hits the page!

some times, when im full of thoughts and feelings, i take pen to paper and end up writing. some times i write peoms and other times i write lyrics. not everyone knows that about me. i actually have quite a bit of things that ive written. thats why my minor in school was gonna be creative writing. i just love it. but for the past while i havent been writing very much at all. i used to write all the time when i lived on my own, and i think its because i just had so much more going on with my life and i was just so full of emotions.
tonight, however, i was over flowing with this immense feeling of lonliness and i once again put pen to paper and i fell in love.
i wrote a song... theres no music to it, and i also dont think its any good. and its ok. this is my way of getting my feelings out.
i dont express myself very easily... just ask mark! haha
well i thought i would share it with you. i called it...

"suddenly"

[verse 1]
we said goodbye before our time was up
we said goodbye way too soon
it all eneded in a cloud of dust
but in the end it was me not you

[bridge]
i let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!

[chorus]
suddenly i regret it all and suddenly i want to take it all back
suddenly you're everything i ever wanted
suddenly you are everything i lack!

[verse 2]
we had a fight, to add to the list of many
but this time it was bigger than the rest
although it was pointless, just like the others
it still left a whole in my chest.


[bridge]
i let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!


[chorus]
suddenly i regret it all and suddenly i want to take it all back
suddenly you're everything i ever wanted
suddenly you are everything i lack!

[verse 3]
i want to look you in the eyes and say that im sorry
i want to hold you in my arms and make everything right
but i know i cant take back the words i said to you
i know that forever with us ended that night!

I let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!

well... thats what came out tonight when the ink hit the page.

Happy week for me...

this week has been a pretty good week. now i dont normally admit to having one of those, but i will tell you the reasons why this week has just been oh so AWESOME!!!

1. i got my temple reccommend back!!!
2. havent had to work very much
3. my parents left today until the 11th of arpil!
4. i got paid today... even though i forgot that this was the last pay before the end of the month, which means student loan payments, i am quite happy with the amount that i got... even if i dont get to keep the majority of it.
5. i bribed laura with a movie date to see NEVER SAY NEVER one last time before they take it out of theatres.

6. i am off on friday now!
7. i have the house to myself and the car. (this kinda goes with #3, but its so great that it deserved its very own number)

so this week has been a great week even though its only wednesday!
i am happy!
hope you are all happy too!!!

look away if you dont like gross toes

today was my short shift at work: 8:30 - 1:00. i was pretty happy that i would get to go to bed early because i really havent slept much at all this week.
well im at work, you know doing my thing, and i was asked to check out back in what we call our high density shelving units (HDS) for some shirts.
at the end of each HDS there are grid like panels that can have hooks on them. so on a few of them there are hooks holding up a bunch of callapsable metal rolling racks.
so to make a long story short, i moved the HDS (cause they move so that we can store product on a million different sides) and a rolling rack fell off its hook. i then proceed to put it back up but when i did it came crashing down with the sharper side smashing on my foot. OUCH!!
i look at my shoe and it has a circular indent from the rack because it fell a good 2 feet really fasta nd hard.
here are my thoughts when this moment happened:
1. $^%@&^
2. ohh the pain
3. my shoe has an indent!?
4. maybe i should take it off
5. dont think anythings wrong, but lets take off the sock just to make sure
6. OHHH BLOOD!

7. leave shoe and sock on floor and walk to the bandaids
8. too much pain. must sit down. hold toe tightly. make horse noises
9. walkie laura and ask her to come to the back.

so i wait for laura in pretty severe pain... for those of you who dont know me, my threshold for pain is rather weak haha especially if there is blood.

anyway i bandage it up and clean up the trail of blood i left behind me and get back to work.
so of course when i got home i had to take a picture so that i could document this for all the world to see...

so... thats my big toe. ugly i know.
the rack fell right where my cuttical is and cut through my shoe and sock without actually cutting either my shoe or sock. that just goes to show how hard it actually fell.
well... we think my toenail might fall off because of the fact that it probably disconnected my toenail right at the bottom.
if i lose my toe.. i will not be a happy camper at all.
so, thats the story of my toe.
off to bed i go!
good night!!!

ps- i was at angies tonight her their roommates cat is not used to her dogs because he just got here and well it was sitting in the chair with me and went to swat the dog and missed and got my toe pretty hard.
it is safe to say that any contact that is more than just a gentle graze of a sock, finger, or blanket, REALLY HURTS!!

A night with NO sleep

lets start off by saying that yesterday i had to get up at 5am to be at work for 6am...
after work my friend angie wanted to hang out because her boyfriend and our other friends boyfriend were going out down town. i said that i would hang and eventually agreed to sleep at her house because we both worked at the same time today.
last night, aka this morning, between the hours of 3:30 & 5am i got about 1 hour of sleep IF THAT!

only having that little sleep is not a good thing for me, but i am happy that i did and i am happy that i stayed with angie because our friends boyfriend tried to drive home drunk. it was a really hard thing to deal with and it was scary. he got behind the wheel and actually started to drive home with me chasing him down the street in the cold wearing nothing on my feet but now wet socks screaming his name. begging him to come back. he did eventually come back and was safe. he was safe, but he was stupid.
it makes me grateful for the fact that i dont need alcohol to have a fun night, and that i am smarter than him because i would never do something so stupid as to get behind the wheel of a car if i ever did.
i am grateful for my friends and the support they give me, because as some of you know, i do stupid things some times and dont always make the right choices. ive, on occasion, have had many errors in judgment, but my true friends have stuck by me no matter what i decided to do in the end, and i love them for it.
i am happy that my life has more meaning to it than a bunch of random drunken nights thrown together over the course of lets say 8 years.
yes, ok, i may not lead a very exciting life, and i may only just hang with my friends at their houses talking or just watching tv with the occasional shopping trip, or expedition to the movies, but i know that my life will be a better one because of the choices i make to not drink.
my life is mine and i have control over the choices i make, as do all of you,
and i choose to live happily in all my soberness. even if it means spending nights at home alone. at least i know im being smart and safe.

a blog FULL of complaints...

to start off i must state that i called my mom on friday and asked if she and my dad were going anywhere and if they were could they please drop off the car to me because it was cold and i didnt want to bus the hour and a half home... my mom said no!
this is a re-cap of how crappy my day was yesterday. yes i know that people dont like it when others complain, but thats too bad because i had a REALLY bad day yesterday and well, i wanted to write about it.
yesterday i had only 4 hours of sleep because i was having chest pain and i just couldnt seem to shake them and it kept me up for a while. i had to work at 11 which meant catching the bus at 9:30. i get upstairs to get something to drink before i left and my mom is sitting on the couch reading, and my dad is still in bed sleeping. i then realize that they dont have to work. i waited for my mom to say something like "hey take the car" but all she said was "i hope you have an umbrella!"
so from that im sure you can tell it was raining out. and well the rain doesnt bother me that much, as long as its not pouring out. when i stepped outside i noticed that it was doing a little more than just drizzling, but it wasnt too bad. i took the 10 steps from my door to the road and it started to rain cats and dogs and every other animal on noahs ark. to say the least, i was not impressed. here my mom was sitting in the living room and in my house you can hear and see the rain from where she was sitting and she didnt even move an inch (well if she did then it wasnt to come out and tell me she would drive me)
by the time i made it 5 houses down the street i was soaked. when i walked i could feel the water filling up in my shoes. my jeans were being dragged down because they were so wet.
well i get to the end of the street where i can see my bus stop (which is a ten minute walk away) and the bus drives by! so i then had to walk another 10 minutes to the other stop and wait in the rain for 7 minutes because there was no shelter, which i think is wrong. there should be a shelter at every stop because of days like these.
i get to work and i walk in and am PISSED BEYOND BELIEF!
i was cold and wet and mad and had been crying because i was so mad. i had to buy a new outfit. i got the cheapest thing i could get and that was a dress, a cardigan and flip flops. so i froze all day. the only good thing was, was that it only cost me 30$ but it was 30$ i didnt want to spend at all.
then while working this is what happened to me:
-> i said hello to a lady and she laughed in my face for no reason.
-> 2 ladys set a bunch of things down that they didnt want right in front of me so i turned, looked at them and went "excuse me!" as i picked up the things they so kindly dropped off.
-> i had to go to subway to buy a few gift cards for this thing we were doing and the girl let a million other people go before me when i was there first and played "guess which sub they got" so it took 10 times longer.
-> i waited in another line somewhere else for 15 minutes just for them to tell me they dont do giftcards.
-> i bit my lip rather hard
-> i burnt my hand washing them
im sure there were other things, but thats all i can remember. i was really mad yesterday and i didnt want to have to bus home. so my dear friend angie came and picked me up so that we could hang out afterwards. we thought about going to a movie, but we were too early for any of the shows so we went to walmart, where i almost bought a new tv because when im mad i like to spend money, but lucky for me no money was spent there.
we ended up going back to angies and just hanging out for a bit. it was the best part of my day.
now its sunday and i had to fight to have the car today so that i could go to church for sacrament and then go to work from 3-12... but i may not get out at 12, and i have to work at 9:30-6:30 tomorrow.... i cant wait for tomorrow to be over because i have tuesday off, and because tomorrow is the finale of the bachelor and laura and i have plans to watch it together... where i will eat tons and junk and get fat for the both of us... it brings on a whole new meaning to the saying "eating for two" haha
well heres to hoping today goes better than the last 2!

Old Friends...

the one thing i like about old friends, is that you can go months without talking and then pick up where you left of.
thats what this evening has been.
i decided to message this guy i have never met before, but used to write while he was on his mission. and i can say that i am glad that i did.
there's been some highs and lows of our friendship, but tonight right before he signed off facebook chat he goes:
Chris:"before i go i want to do something we used to do..."
Me: "what??"
Chris:"quotes!"
Me: "ohh haha"
Chris: " "what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" walt emerson."

i LOVE that quote!!!
just thought i would share it with all of you!

My Challenge...

ok, so i know that we dont do the whole lent thing, but i thought that this year i would give it a try.
yes thats right, i am giving something up for the 40 days.
and no, it is not junk food/sweets!
that is what everyone says the moment i say im doing this.
but what ive decided to give up, is....
BUYING MOVIES & CD'S & SEASONS
now this does not include going to the movies though.
for those of you who dont know me, entertainment, such as the ones forementioned, are pretty much my life!!!
i have a sick obsession.
i own approximately 300 movies, and 100 seasons.
so this is what im giving up!
wish me luck!!!!!


ok... onto other things.
my thoughts and prayers are with japan right now.
it sucks that they were hit with a tsunami.
tragedy's always make me sad. and whats even more sad, is that the west coast is on alert.
it worries me because it could happen here one day, and i live right by the water and i suck at swimming so i wouldnt survive.
people think that nothing bad can ever happen to us, but hey if the oceans plateletes shift enough it will cause an earthquake and could cause either a tsunami or a decent size tidal wave. (yes i somewhat listened in my geography class)
knowing what happened in japan made me think about all the things i am thankful for in my life.
it also made me worry about the ones i love because i know that i really cant do anything to protect them and it worries me that one day something might happen to them.

well.. i guess i should probably mention one other thing tonight.
today at work i hear over the walkies
"vanessa, theres a girl in the store with a justin bieber doll!"
i immediately start my hunt for set girl.
i find her.
she shows me the doll.
THE DOLL SINGS ONE LESS LONELY GIRL!
i contemplate going to Toys R Us to buy this doll.
i realize im crazy and should just ask for it for my birthday haha
so... consider this my first birthday item list.
you have until may 20th to buy it!!!

so... this is what i want.
the best part is the little girls grandma asked me what i thought of the biebs new hair cut.
yay for grandmas keeping up with the biebs!!!

well... happy friday to you all and wish me luck on working 7 days then off for 1 then work 4 then off 1 then who knows!!
i want to die!! haha but the money will be good!!

Night!!

I Think You've Guessed It...

So i've admitted that i have the bieber fever, and i have told laura that she was right when she said that i would love it.
I have already seen the movie twice, and am going for the third time tonight.
I can hear all you "non- beliebers" already saying "ARE YOU CRAZY!?"
And well, i am comfortable being weird and lame and possibly even stupid (acording to you that is), and all i have to say to you is
DON'T BOO IT TILL YOU DO IT!
Just to clarify though, im not all like oooohhhhh justin bieber, like the teeny boppers are. I just appreciate his talent and his drive. I admire him.
Quite frankly, im jealous.
No, not jealous of his fame (although that is a perk), I am jealous that he is so talented and able to perform infront of people.
I play the piano and im terrified to let people hear me play.

My word of advice to all you BELIEBERS out there...
Go get his CDS!
I DID!

Ok... onto other things that are not JB related...
As im sure you have all noticed, I have the little app thing that shows me where my readers come from, and I was SHOCKED today to see that there are people reading this from all over the world.
It makes me feel special and important haha
So Thank you too all those non canadian readers, and to my fellow canadians as well.
I dont write this for people to read but it does make it more worth my while.

Sick...

I woke up this morning and i have a cold... BOOO!
But this, however, isnt the type of sick i've been wanting to talk about...

I'VE GOT THE FEVER!!!!

Earlier this week i went to the movie i SWORE i would never go see.
I FELL IN LOVE!
if you look at lauras and my hoodies and you have seen the movie, then you may think that they look rather familiar...
yes, they are Justin Bieber hoodies.
yes, i also want to go get the gray one as well.
When the movie first started i really had no real attatchment to it. it just wasnt that appealing.
and then it showed him in concert singing One Time and it won be over.
I can say that that was the moment when it all changed for me haha
He is just too cute... and no I dont mean in the way all the little teeny boppers see him. He is just something else.
Scooter Braun and that other guy (who i cannot remember his name for the life of me but he rapped about Omaha mall) however, HELLO!
I am also going to NSN3D again on monday with my friend megan and i cannot wait.
me and the biebs are bff's, ive decided!
For all of you who think you are too good or cool to see this film and say that you wont ever see it...

NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

3.5 hours...

last night i had a total of 3.5 hours of sleep!
no that is not a typo, thats all i got.

i went out in the CRRRAAAAZZY weather to watch bachelor brad with laura and i was not disappointed.

i got hone around 11:30pm and had to get up at 5am.

i laid in bed for quite some time with many thoughts running through my head.

the main thought; do i regreat posting that last post!?
after lots of tossing and turning, i came to realize that i really dont care.

i write what i feel and well thats how i felt.

i just wish i had gotten more sleep though because today was brutal.

it is now 7:40pm and i am heading to my bed.
cross your fingers that i get more sleep tonight.

5am comes quick, but 3pm is slow to arrive!