Monday, November 26, 2012

Christmas Shopping Blues

I love Christmas, I really do. I may not show in the ways of some people like crazy decorating. But I love spending time with those I love and I love knowing that whatever I have given those people has made them happy in some way.
Now I have the hardest time shopping for other people. I wish it were just simple like it used to be when we were kids in school and would just make a random craft to give to our parents. I was never the overly crafty one, but I know that my parents always loved what I gave them because it came from the heart and I made it.
This year I'm finding it rather difficult to get into the shopping spirit. Maybe its because I procrastinated like I always do or it's because I've spent some money on myself this year and so that mixed with bills have just made me want to scream!
Now my trips that I've spent money on were: I rented a car to go to Edmonton because there were people I wanted to see and because I just needed a break for a few days. So this trip wasn't just for me, but for my sanity and for my friends who I havent seen in years. All around it was great trip and it gave me the boost I was looking for.
The other trip that I paid for is a trip home in January. This one I am more than just little excited about. The last time I was home was in July and it was only for 2.5 days for my brothers wedding. Yes it was great time being with family, but it was so rushed and jam packed with things that I didnt really get a chance to visit and do things. So I thought I would take the opportunity to go home when a seat sale arose, and it did so I booked it and I cannot wait to get home and see so many people and just have a good time. This trip is going to give me the boost that I need and it cannot come soon enough.
So these 2 trips are what is costing me money and making me hate shopping for people. Now I can shop for the people who live close to me because that can be done up until the last shopping day if I desire, but its the people who live back home that I'm having issues with.
Josh and Lyla will be easy, but its really my parents I have no sweet clue as to what I can get them.
What do you get people who have everything already and wont tell you what they want!? It's so frustrating when they tell you to make a list but they aren't willing to do the same.
I did come up with a great idea for them, but then I realized that it would be more than 300$ and yes I love my parents but thats getting a little pricey if I do say so myself.
So I guess its back to the drawing board for me!
Keep your fingers crossed that I come up with something thats semi good and that I get it all done before I have to spend extra to get it there in time.

Monday, November 5, 2012

"Everything has Changed"

By the title of this blog, which are lyrics from the Taylor Swift album "Red", you can probably tell that Im going to be writing about changes in my life.
There have been quite a few as of late.
Recently 2 of closest friends got married and I couldnt be happier for them. Their happiness means the world to me.
This has brought on many changes, I dont have any close friends left really. I dont have much of a life, and Im sure if I made more of an effort on some occasions I would, but in all honesty right now Im not motivated enough to try. The things that used to make me happy no longer do.
I have been dreaming of home lately a lot, and missing all of my friends from there. No they weren't from the same "crowd" as me, but they were great friends who understood me and were accepting of who I was and that was everything I needed from them. Some people just arent as understanding as I would hope, but thats ok.
I've been wondering why I live in Calgary a lot lately.
Yes I love my job a lot and that is great. I love IKEA and I love that Im so close to Laura. But my question is, is it enough?
Its funny because when I lived in edmonton I moved home after 14 months of living there, and I have just surpassed that mark here in Calgary.
I guess its just hard being here and not having things be the way I thought it would be.
If I were to ever move home I dont know how I would handle that. I love my family a lot but I dont love that if I were closer I think some people would try to control my life in some aspects, and I dont want to disappoint those I love. At least living here they cant see my disappointments.
I've gone through a lot over this last year and it has taken a toll on me, but I think that I have handled things in an ok way. I've gotten passed a lot of it, but there are somethings that still haunt me, but I'm sure that those things will haunt me for a long time. I'm over it for the most part.
Im dying to go home for a visit and Im hoping that this will make me remember why I wanted to live in Calgary and that I will be dying to get back here, but I dont know.
Its frustrating me thinking about how much I actually miss it there. I dont think Halifax has a lot to offer me but I know that I have more friends there than I do here, and thats a big factor for me.
I dont do well alone and right now I feel alone.
Everything has changed...