Monday, December 22, 2014

Nova Scotia pt. 1

So as man people know, I have been home in NS since December 4th. The day I left started off with the last of our swimming classes. Dey came to this one because I wanted him to see the classes we had been taking for the past 11 weeks. Dominic didn't look at the camera but I really liked the picture of me... I feel skinny in it haha
after swimming Dey had some running around to do in the south so we went with him, and then when we got home I finished packing and what not to get read for our upcoming flight that night. I am a nervous pre-flyer but once I get my baggage checked I am a lot calmer. This time however, I was more nervous than usual because I was flying with Dominic and all of his extra stuff (car seat and stroller and diaper bag along with my carry on). I was also nervous about the weight of my bag because I was limited to 1 bag for 2 people for a 5 week trip and that is a hard thing to do especially when it is over the holidays and you have some gifts that you are bringing with you. Why not just buy everything in NS you ask? Well when you pay 5% tax where you live and are visiting a place where they pay 15% you kind of want to save whenever you can.



swimming day fun


I decided that it would be a good idea to take an airport selfie with Dominic because I felt like it was the right thing to do. The flight went really well. Dominic was awake for the first hour and half but then finally fell asleep, but woke up twice while in flight so I just nursed him back to sleep. I was lucky to get an aisle seat so if needed I could get up with him if he wake up and wanted to move around. Luckily he didn't really wake up until the end of the flight where he cried during landing. I didn't feel too bad about his crying at this point because it was at the end of the flight and not the start so we would be getting off the plane pretty soon. 
When we landed we were the last ones off the plane because I had him in my carrier and had the diaper bag plus a carry on and it is really hard to maneuver down the little aisle on the plane. I figured that by the time we got off the plane and down to baggage my parents, or at least my mom, would be waiting for us. But when I turned on my phone there was a message from my mom saying they were late because my moms flight didn't get in until 2 am because of some issues in Chicago and I got in at 630 am and they were a little tired. So I had to wait about 15 mins or so until they got there but then we went on our way to my house. I was so happy and excited to be there. I was pretty tired because I only dozed a bit on the plane because it is not easy sleeping with a 20lbs dead weight in your arms. When we got home Dominic and I took a nap for a bit then did some running around with my mom and dropped in to see my nanny. It was a pretty good day and Dominic did really well considering he didn't get that much sleep and I just kept him up until it was around his bed time in Calgary and then he did his regular sleeping routine and adjusted right away to the time difference.


When my grampie passed away I asked if there was anything of his that my nanny kept, like his hats that he always used to wear and she said that she got rid of everything, but then remembered that she held onto 1 hat because something told her not to get rid of it and I am so glad that she did because I now have it. It was really hard for me not being here when he passed away or for the funeral but I am really happy that I got to get the hat, and so I put it on Dominic.


So, the last time I was at my grandparents house I was visiting with them in their living room and out of the corner of my eye I saw this creepy troll doll. Then when I was at my nanny's new place it was still there. Honestly, it is the creepiest thing I have seen in a  really long time, and I am not sure why my nanny keeps it. 


I went driving around one day and I was driving down this one road and remembered that Cortney used to live off a side street there so I quickly turned down the road and found her old house which I visited frequently when they lived here for those 4 months.


My bishops daughter is serving her mission here and just so happened to be in my parents ward for the past little while, but recently got transferred to PEI but not before we got to take a picture together.


I was so excited for these two little kidlets to meet. Honestly I have always loved Lyla more than I could ever explain to anyone, but not that I have a son I have been so excited for him to meet his oldest cousin. It was a cute moment that quickly turned into "don't touch me" because someone is getting jealous of all the attention that isn't being paid to her anymore. But, she is obsessed with Dey and always wants to play and jump and hang around with him, and even Josh said that it was weird behavior for her. I think it is cute.


Honestly I just love her so much. I wish that we lived closer so we could hang out more and she could have more cousins to play with, plus I just want her to be my bff.


I forgot how much I loved my parents wood stove and really took it for granted growing up. But now that I am here I am so in love with it and loving the heat it provides.


My dads nickname is scary Barry and kids don't normally like going near him, so we thought it would be interesting to see what Dominic would do with him, but they have become such good buddies its heart warming. Dominic will follow my dad every where and wait for him outside of the bathroom. My dad has even said that he doesn't know what he is going to do when we leave and that he wont be able to handle the airport so he better be working when we do go. I am going to be crying when I leave because I am sad to be leaving them and to see Dominic not be near his grandparents. He loves my mom too I Swear but when dads home that's who he spends a lot of time with. 


Christmas Tree Shopping


So as I said my dad and Dominic are best buddies and he loves having him around. My dad even puts him in his car seat and enjoys riding in the back with him.


We encountered a duck crossing randomly the other day and I thought it was the cutest thing I have seen in a really long time. I had to snap a quick picture because it was too cute, and took about 10 minutes for them to waddle on over. They actually stop and looked both ways before crossing, smart ducks!


The ward here was having their Christmas party and we went and my mom was dressed up and so we put the Santa hat on Dominic and quickly snapped a shot before he took it off. The party was interesting and it was fun seeing a few people, and my uncle played Santa and that is not something anyone would have expected him to do. I forgot how much I love my parents ward. It will always be my family ward and will always have a big part of my heart.


I told my mom when she was taking her laundry downstairs to put Dominic in her basket. I have never put him in ours and I thought it would be cute to see what he would do and he loved it so much that once he was out he wanted to get back in immediately. 


The other day I had to opportunity to take my nanny out to run some errands. She has been sick and has to wear an eye patch so she cannot drive herself around. While at the superstore I captured this moment of her playing around with Dominic in the cart as she shopped around. I know she has been a little lonely since my grandfather has passed away so I know she has loved spending time with us whenever she can.


I have been waiting to take Dominic to see a Santa until we got here and Dey arrived. I wanted us to experience this together, so when he got into town the first place we went was to the mall and got our pictures. The best surprise was that they started to do the pictures for free. I was willing to pay for a picture but was so happy that I didn't have to. Dominic was happy with Santa and would look and smile at him and touch his beard but the moment he looked at the camera he looked upset and sad. He is a weird little kid.

That night when we got home my dad and Dey met face to face for the first time and I have to say that things have gone much better than I thought they might. They have been getting along and joking around and just having a good time. I have noticed that they have a similar sense of humor where they think they are funnier than they really are, and it is great that they are meshing well together.


I have been so excited to get home because it meant that I could get my hair done by my favorite and long time hair dresser, and even though she barely works now and sold her salon because she is an MLA she still works occasionally and I was told by her to call and put my name on a list to see her and I would eventually get in to see her. So I did just that and I cannot tell you how much happier and better I feel about myself after getting my hair done. I feel awesome!


I took Dey around some touristy places and I took him down Cow Bay and showed him the coast and there were people surfing. I have never loved NS but all of a sudden I have been seeing it in a different light. I love this place and noticed how beautiful it was until now. Dey even said he could see us living here at some point. I got to see my friend Megan as well since I have been home and that is the first time we have seen each other in 2.5 years and it was amazing to see her and have her meet Dominic, and I cannot wait until she can meet Dey as well. She is the only person left from school that I keep in contact with and we are still great friends even after all this time and I just love and adore her and appreciate our friendship more than she probably even knows.


On Saturday I went through the temple for myself and it was great! I can understand how and why people get weird-ed out and scared but I left there thinking "oh, that's it? that's not bad at all" I guess for me I was ready and prepared and just focused on what was being said and it was a great moment. Laura's mom was there for part of it and even cried a little which made me tear up a bit and it just made that day so much more meaningful and special. I am so happy I got to go through here with my family and a couple friends and the adjustment to things have honestly been easy and not uncomfortable at all. I feel great and happy and I am loving life. 


The other week before we left to come home we were at a friends house and Dominic climbed his first stair. He has never climbed any since, until being here because my mother has showed him how to do this. It has been a fun experience here and he is growing a lot and having a blast. 
I actually don't nurse at all anymore and he is strictly on cows milk which has been a bitter sweet moment for me. I was tired of nursing him and I running out of time to ween him before I got to work when I get back so we did it here, and it has been so easy, which is great, but at the same time a little emotional because we no longer have that time to just sit and stare at each other and connect and cuddle like that. I have cried a little about it here and there, but at the same time I am so thankful the transition has been easy and that I even had the chance to nurse him to begin with.

My trip home has been going by so quickly and it has been amazing thus far and I know that there are more fun days to come and possibly a christmas miracle.
I am blogging from my parents computer and their keyboard is crap and my hand is cramping so there are plenty of spelling mistakes, and I have to break my trip down into a few posts. I know that there will probably be some missing facts but I am thankful I have the chance to blog at all. 

Monday, November 24, 2014

10 Month Old

How on earth did we get to double digit months??? Honestly, when they say time flies they mean it. It's not just a figure of speech anymore because the last I checked I was still in the hospital eager to get home with my sweet little baby.... Apparently I blinked and time has escaped me.
Dominic finally has teeth, 2 to be exact, and he is a biting machine. He stopped biting me when he nurses so that's a plus. But he does like to come up to me and bite my arm.
He is into everything! he is all over the place and tearing the place apart. I don't bother cleaning sometimes for days because hes just going to make a mess again and it is pointless.
He isn't sleeping much better, but I have stopped nursing and rocking him to sleep now. I am able to lay at the end of my bed and put my hand in the crib and he holds/lays on it until he falls asleep. He was sleeping the first 3.5-4 hours straight before waking, but the past few days that has changed and he has been waking up 3+ times before midnight even hits... and then he wakes what seems like 10 million more times after midnight.. I still love him though!
He waves, gives kisses, gives high fives, smacks his lips if we do it first, turns the lights on/off, he crawls pretty fast, he knows who pooh bear is, he walks along furniture, he pulls himself up on walls, he talks with his little walking toy, he loves the fridge and every time I open it he comes a running so he can shut the door on me or try to get inside, and he has even taken 1 single step by himself before face planting into my arms.
He has such an attitude, which I am sure he gets mostly from me. He likes to defy me while looking back at me with a semi smile while doing it.
He's slowly starting to know the sign for milk, although it looks more like a wave, but when I do it and say milk he does it back.
When I ask him if he wants to do something, and if he does, he will make a certain sound that has an excited tone to it that means he wants to do it.
This little boy is growing so fast I wouldn't believe it were possible if I haven't witnessed it first hand.
I know that once we get to NS he will just grow so much more. I want time to slow down, but I know that wont happen, so I guess I really want time to speed up so that way I can be done working already.
Heres to hoping Dominic doesn't grow up too quickly!!!

Temple

These past few weeks I have been taking the temple prep courses and because I am in primary I have been doing them before church. This has made for some very long sundays. Also because I am leaving in 9 days we had to speed things up a bit and boy am I glad we did! I was able to have classes combined and got them all done in 4 weeks. I also was able to get my recommend from the bishop and stake president, which is not an easy thing to do because our stake president isn't around a lot.
So friday in preparation for going home and going through the temple for the first time, we went to the distribution centre. I was told I should bring someone with me but there really wasn't anyone around so it was just Dey and myself. People say it is overwhelming going and getting everything, but I was lucky to have the best Customer Service patron ever, Brenda.
We walked in the store, I was a little nervous but more excited than anything, we were immediately greeted by 2 ladies and they said "are you ok to just help yourselves?" and I said "Not really, I am going through for my first time." Brenda immediately walked over to us with the biggest warmest smile on her face and said "Lets start with the dresses. I think it's best to start here and work our way over." I just followed her lead and away we went.
She showed me the dresses and said "We have a lot of styles and normally people will just glance at them and one will stand out to them" then she looked me up and down and said "we do have the Barbie doll dress that is made for our bigger boobed sisters..." Yes, I have big boobs, but hopefully when I stopped nursing (which I will be starting to wean pretty soon here) my boobs will go back down. Plus the dress looked like too much for me and looked really heavy.
There was one that I saw on the mannequin that I was drawn to and so I tried that one on along with the skirt. The dresses I think are made kind of small, but I couldn't avoid getting the size I did. The skirts were just not cutting it, but the dress when I tried it on was a perfect fit for me and I felt kind of pretty in it. I know they say when you go to the temple its not about what you look like and not to think of trying to look pretty, but in this dress I felt wonderful.
Then we went to the tights and shows and everything else for the ceremony and the lady was too funny. I would pick things out and she would be like "oh good that's my favorite" or when she would get me to pick between fabrics or styles she would say "pick me pick me" haha So I did.
Then we went over the garment part and because I took a pole of my friends and what their favorite style was I went ahead with that and she assumed I would as well.
She told me I should maybe get a cotton pair for sleeping in because, and I quote, "Now that you're active, like you know active, you may want these to let things breathe." I honestly had to keep myself from laughing so hard.
This lady was such a sweet spirit and made me going there and getting everything seem like a breeze. I was pretty thrilled with it all, minus the amount of money it cost, but still that's ok. It will all be worth it in the end.
I cannot wait to get home and have this happen, even if it's just me going through and not us being sealed just yet... still waiting for the clearance to come in. Either way it will be great!

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Why Bother?

Since having my son it has taken me a while to start working out. At first it was because I had a c section, so I had to wait at least 6 weeks before I could even lift anything heavier than my baby, and after the 6 weeks "ok" from the doctor I was still nervous about doing anything because the middle of my incision wasn't healing as quick as the rest.
Dominic was born in January and in may I started off small and did the 30 day squat challenge. Then when June hit I decided to do the 3 day Ab challenge. I did the first, lets say week, and then my incision bubbled up and popped open and left a hole. It wasn't a big enough hole that I was worried and should see a doctor, but it was enough that I was nervous to do anything else.
I started walking 5k a few times a week but when Deys mom came I got out of the habit and have been having trouble finding the motivation to do anything really since then.
Now the past couple of weeks I have been doing minor things at night when Dominic goes to sleep and yesterday I woke up and my scar was bothering me. Now this happens every once and while anyway, but when I looked at it, it bubbled up again and then it popped open. It is not a pretty site and it makes me wonder why I even bother trying to do anything that could help me lose weight because my scar seems to hate me and makes it hard to do anything. I have given up pop now for about 2 months, and I am trying to cut back on sweets as well.
I guess I am just frustrated thinking about when I have to go back to work and my pants don't fit because I am heavier than I was before... I want to work out but I am so scared about my scar it keeps me from doing so.
So, why bother? Plus, if I want anymore kids I'm just gonna get heavy again anyway, so why do something if its just gonna go back to the way I am.
It makes me think I shouldn't even try until after I am done having kids...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

2 Months...

As I have been sitting here counting down the days until I go home ( 18) I noticed that it will soon be December and that means it will soon be January.
January will be the hardest month of my mothering life I think. I know that I have talked about this before but I am having a real hard time thinking about going back to work in January. I know sometimes it seems like I talk about the same things over and over again, but when they really bother me I have to voice it in some way and this the best way I feel like I can get all my feelings out.
Tonight, as I was holding Dominic's hand as he cried in his crib and I said yet another prayer for him to find the peace and calmness he needs to go to sleep at night without me holding him I started to cry the 50 millionth tear I have shed over this boy since he was born.
I actually prayed that Dominic would find a way to sleep without needing me and that maybe I will be able to find a way to go to work in January without needing to be near him the way I do.
I love this boy so stinking much its insane and people have told me before that they didn't experience what I feel for their own kids, and it makes me feel like I love too much and too hard.
Someone made a suggestion to me and asked if work would set up a payment plan for me to pay them back what they gave me for those 5 months so I don't have to go back to work, and I know they wouldn't. Plus, I need to go back to work because we have a plan in place, and we thought we might as well set aside the difference of pay from EI and work each time and use that towards something else, like me not working afterwards, or moving to a different place.
I already know that my first day back to work will be the most emotional because I haven't spent more than maybe 5 hours away from him at a time, and well he is very much obsessed with nursing and I will be working on weaning him off and I'm pretty sure I will worry all day long about how Dey is doing by himself. He has never spent more than probably an hour and a half with him alone without me there just in case.
I have so many worries about what will happen, and about how Dominic will cope without me.


Will he forget about the year we spent together?
Will he be sad when I leave because he doesn't get upset now when I do?
Will he not want to be near me as much?
Will I not get cuddles anymore in our rocking chair?
Will I slip into a depression because this anxiety is killing me?
Will I even be able to make it the 6 months of working?


Honestly this is something I am not ready for, and the quicker it approaches the more and more I dread it. I am excited to go home but I know that only 6 days after I get back here I will have to go back to work and that is a scary thought.


On a happy note, I have started my Christmas shopping and hopefully everything I have ordered will be here before I leave to go home. I also need to make a trip to IKEA soon because we are getting Dominic a tent from there to have here for when he gets home. he loves hiding under blankets so I am sure a tent will be a hoot and a half!
Well, happy Saturday night to you all and a wonderful Sunday tomorrow!

Friday, November 14, 2014

TEETH!

After about 6 months of many upsetting and cranky days, drooling faces, and teeth that have been there one day and gone pretty much the same day, it has FINALLY happened. 
About 2 weeks ago I felt a tooth, and wasn't too quick to get excited that it would stay because it's done this before. Well this time it stayed and not only that a second one has popped up right next to it! I would post a picture but he won't let me get a picture or even really look at his teeth.
From what he has flashed me of his little chompers, which he's bite me with more than once while feeding, it looks like one of them is a little less than straight and I think that this is why they have bothered him so much. I think maybe the one kept hitting the other. 
Now that these little suckers have graced us with their presence sleeping has improved, not by much but just a little. I've stopped rocking him to sleep this week because he didn't want to sit still anymore in my arms so now I hold his hand through the crib and eventually, with lots of prayers, he finally goes to sleep. He only wakes up about 3 maybe 4 times a night and that's a lot better than the 7+ times a night he was up before. 
I might go get an ice cream cake tomorrow because I think it's well deserved after all the hard days I was subjected to. 
I love my son but it's not the easiest being his mom some days! 
But YAY for teeth!!! 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

!Halloween!





I am clearly a little behind on the times and I haven't blogged about Halloween yet.
So, I decided a while back that I would take Dominic out for Halloween and I would eat his candy... clearly it was sacrifice that was really hard to make for me... I didn't want to take him to very many houses, just a few so that way we could say that he went out.
We talked a lot about what he would be and couldn't decide on anything. We thought about doing a family themed costume but we slacked off and didn't really prepare our costumes at all so that went out the window when we realized Halloween was 1 day away and we didn't have anything for ourselves.
I should say that we went to old navy and it was a sale on everything in the store at 40% off, and we saw the lion and it was the last in his size and we tried it on and it was too cute to say no, and then we noticed a mark on the shoulder of the costume and so we got another 50% off. So we paid about 10$ for it and it was the best thing ever.




I decided that I would just be a cat again... I also just noticed it looks like I'm with child again... nope, not even close... just chubby!


I bought a pumpkin specifically for a picture like this.... I bought his darth vadar candy holder thing that day. it was all that was left.


This was after the first house we went to. The lady gave him a handful of treats and he wouldn't let go of it the entire time.



He thought he was going to get to keep them... sorry kid!

Overall Halloween was a success and I cannot wait to go back out next year and have him ask for the candy himself and I still get to eat it haha I'm a mean mom!

Monday, November 3, 2014

I Love My Family

As I was going through my phone I came across some of the pictures Cortney took for us and I immediately fell more in love with my little family.
Dey, who works so hard for us, and Dominic, who works so hard at growing are two tremendous blessings I have in my life.
There's not much more to say than I am so thankful for everything I have and everything I will have one day. I love my family! 



Monday, October 27, 2014

9 Months

Friday marked the 9th month that I have been blessed to be a mom. It is crazy to think that in 3 very short months Dominic will be 1 year old.
He is growing everyday and testing my patience while he's at it. He likes to pull himself up on things and walk along furniture. He's a crawling machine and he is into everything.
He waves, high fives and gives kisses. He babbles all day long and he knows when I pull out my computer that Grandma will be on the screen and he gets very excited when that happens.
He loves to nurse and eat lots, and when I kneel down and stretch out my hands and say "come here" he will come to me. He gets upset when Dey leaves but is fine when I leave because he knows that I will be back. He loves his highchair and finally lets me wash his face after eating because I made it a game.
He's still the worst sleeper and spends most nights in our bed with us where he cuddles up next to me. He is a mamas boy. His hair growing but I wont cut it yet because I don't think its grown enough/gotten thick enough to actually cut it. He isn't really gaining any weight right now even though he feels like it. He is 19lbs5oz and is 29.5inches long. He is thinning out some because he is so active.
He doesn't know it, but he is excited to go to NS in December when we leave for a month, but he is also sad he wont see Dey everyday in person.
He doesn't like juice and he has never tried any sweets because he gets enough from my milk.
He loves his bath time and splashing around. He sometimes likes swimming lessons.
He hates getting changed and makes it really difficult to do so because hes so squirmy.
At the end of the day, he loves his mamma and dada and we love him! Happy 9 months to my little kiddo and please stop growing up!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Crazy, Happy & a Countdown too













I have had a rough few months, and things just don't seem to be getting any better. I don't know the last time I actually slept more than 2 hours at a time and just when I thought my hot flashes were gone they have picked back up at night making it even harder to go to sleep once Dominic has fallen asleep.
I have been able to find light in the days that seem so dark and hard, and they are all things about Dominic. I have said it once and I will say it again, its a good thing babies are cute or else mine would be for sale.


Dominic has gotten so big and is walking along furniture and getting into everything, making it really hard to clean up because either he tearing it apart or the moment I touch something he wants to come touch it too. I am proud of his growth but man do I miss the days where he would sit still. He does love to play independently and he lets me leave the room now so that's a plus.







I took this picture to send to Laura so she could show her Disney obsessed dad, aka best friend uncle Bill, to take Dominic to Disney with him some time.




Dominic LOVED his Sophia time the day she came home from the hospital. He was really excited and Im sure he thought she was a new toy for him to play with and wanted to climb on top of her. He actually let me hold her for a while before he got curious and didn't get jealous of me holding "something" other than him. Dominic has a lot of girlfriends these days because no one has boys anymore apparently.





This is before we moved the room around and so the mess is more localized, but this is pretty much how it looks everyday after about 5 minutes of him being up and playing. Hes in the mess there if you can spot him.





He has learned how to pull himself up on the gate and feels trapped everyday... this also occurred about 5 minutes before he threw up.





This is after 2 outfit changes and many vomiting issues, but he was so sad and just wanted to cuddle with me. As much as I loved the cuddles, I felt so bad for him and my heart was heavy and sad worrying about him.





This is what the priesthood can do for you. You go from being so sick to feeling like the same old baby you always were.





He had some turkey on thanksgiving and didn't take a nap that afternoon like he was supposed to and so this is the result... he was so tired that no matter what we did or how we moved him he stayed asleep.





He loves his ikea tunnel, which we now use to block off the kitchen because he keeps getting in there and tearing the place apart.





We finally used all of our Honest diapers and I loved them. They are so cute and I want to order more but they don't sell variety packs unless I get the bundle and I don't really want to spend that much on diapers and wipes for a months supply.





Those bubbles ended up in his mouth.





he loved them!





Now this is something that I am oh so happy and excited about. Although we don't have everything we need we are still going anyway because we are running out of time to visit and I haven't been home in almost 2 years and I miss it there.
I am gone from December 4th -January 10th. Dey joins us from the 17th-2nd and I am so excited to spend time with the family for Christmas.
We have been waiting to bless Dominic until we went home so we can have family there and so that will happy and I will also go through the temple while I am there so my mom and nanny can be there. At least some stuff is happening, but I really hope our clearance can come through before then... its not looking like it but I really hope it does happen.


These are the things that are keeping me going these days as I don't have any energy anymore and I am so tired, but I am so happy that I can find things to make me smile on days when I really don't feel like it,

Friday, October 10, 2014

A Mothers Job...

I have always heard the saying "it's a mothers job to worry" and I never really understood how much a mother worries about her children until I became a mom myself. Today was no exception to my worrying.
Last night was another typical horrible night of very little sleep because Dominic doesn't like to sleep very much, and hes had a bit of a cold the past couple days so that hasn't helped... oh and his poor teeth have been bothering him. Dominic went to bed around 945 then woke up about 130 and I fed him and then when he was done feeding and semi conscious I went to put him to bed and well that was just not happening. All of a sudden he got a serge of energy and thought it was play time so I brought him out to the living room and let him play until he got tired enough that he went to sleep. That finally happened around 430. I put him back in his crib and he woke up at 5 and I made Dey get up with him and he went back to sleep a couple minutes later and he sleep for about 2 hours then he woke up. We didn't get out of bed until 930 and we got up and made our daily Skype call to my mom and Dominic was as cheerful as always and excited to talk to grandma. After we got off the phone we had brunch, we both had breakfast at 3am. We had scrambled eggs and toast. He has had eggs in the past so that's no big deal but it was his first time having bread. He loved all of it and ate a bit. He didn't eat too much which is fine. I nursed him and he had a lovely poopy diaper, a little less than thick if you catch my drift, and he went down for a nap. He didn't sleep too long but when he got up he was happily playing in his crib and was perfectly fine. I changed him into an outfit he has never worn before and we went on our day as we normally do.
I was in the kitchen for something and Dominic loves standing up and rocking with the rocking chair so this is where he was. He started to cough a bit and so I looked at him and he spat up a bit, and hes never been one to spit up so this was shocking to me and then he kept going. Poor little guy threw up for the first time and hes only 8 months old. I changed him and he kept on his way of playing happy as a clam. Then he got sick again and this time he was not so happy. He was scared and sad and didn't know what was happening and kept trying to get away from him and clinging to me. I felt so bad for him because his stomach was empty and so there wasn't anything to throw up. I decided instead of constantly changing his outfits I would leave him in his diaper and take one of our spare blankets and use that as he got sick so I wasn't needing to clean up my floor constantly. You could tell he wasn't feeling well now because he just snuggled into me as if there was no place he would rather be and he felt safe with me. He got sick a few more times and even woke up from sleeping to get sick. It was breaking my heart and I was starting to worry about him. At first I thought he was getting sick from something he ate but he kept getting sick so its safe to say it wasn't the food because it wasn't in his system anymore. I called Dey to tell him what was going on and for him to come home and he did. When he came home I asked him to give Dominic a blessing which he did. He got sick one time after that and then started to perk up and wanting to play again. I felt so bad for him and I have been worrying all afternoon/evening about it and feeling so bad for him. He started drinking his water by the mouthful and even had rice cereal and kept that down. But as the evening came I knew he would want to nurse and this worried me because drinking milk when you are sick is not a good idea because it will make you more sick, but as a baby he needs milk. I didn't want to feed him but he was begging for it and so I finally fed him. I worried while feeding him and afterwards, and even now as he sleeps that he will get sick again. I am hoping he doesn't.
I now understand how as mothers we worry about our children more than others do. Dey was so calm and I was crying about it. Its so hard to watch your child in pain or sick because they are helpless and theres not much else but holding them that you can do.
I love my son and so far he is doing better and it makes me so happy. I also love my husband and I am grateful that he has the priesthood and is able to bless our son when he is sick. This, I know, is why he got better so quick. It just reaffirms my faith in Jesus Christ and it helps me have a better love for my saviour and heavenly father. It is amazing what the priesthood can do.
Now I just hope that today doesn't happen ever again!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Emotional

Honestly I have been an emotional wreck the past week or so and I don't really know why. Again, not pregnant, but who knows what is going on with me.
I have actually sat awake at night thinking about the things that could go wrong between now and when I want to go home, and what could happen to Dey if he does decide to drive to Toronto in the middle of winter when we possibly go home for Christmas.
Also, the biggest thing that I have been worrying about, for I'm sure no reason at all is that when we do have another baby I fear that I am going to not have enough time for Dominic and I wont be so in love with him as I am now. Some people have told me they have never felt the way I do when it comes to their kids and it scares me that I love my son too much and I wont have room to love another kid when the time comes. I still get jealous when Dey plays and gets a bigger laugh out of Dominic and that Dominic cries when Dey leaves but not when I leave, but I have worked really hard at just letting it go and knowing that Dominic does love me too.
I want more kids so bad, especially a little girl even though I will accept whatever I am blessed to have, and I fear that if I do have a girl my want of having a girl will overshadow my son. I am probably crazy and probably the only one to feel this crazy but it's true. I have wanted to be a mom my entire life and I never knew the type of love you have for a child until I had one, and it is an intense and scary love.
I guess I am just needing to voice my feelings by writing them out and even though I have voiced them to Dey on more than one occasion I just need to write them out. Maybe by doing this I will get over my crazy fear.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Overwhelmed

I am sitting here watching TV on this sunday evening and I all of a sudden I have this overwhelming feeling that if I go home in December like I want, that everything will come in while I am there and then we wont be able to get sealed anyway because I will need all my temple stuff taken care of and we would need our sealing recommend as well.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to go home no matter what this Christmas and I almost bought my ticket the other day to do so. I would be there for a month, but after hearing today from the bishop that he hasn't heard anything yet from Deys ex has really got me wondering if this trip is even doable. The bishop has said that he will call his ex one more time, because according to her the letter should have been written and sent to him already, and after talking to her he will talk to the stake president to see if he is willing to move forward with the process without it. I am really hoping that he says ok lets go for it. Maybe we can get the clearance in November. Once they send off for the clearance then I will know better if I will for sure go home or not.
I asked my mom to fast for us after conference when their ward is having fast sunday because this has been the most emotional of trials I have ever gone through.
I feel like I've talked about this a lot, but this has been my focus for the past while and has had me distracted for a long while. I get angry very easily, and I have been extra emotional these past few weeks as the time is slipping by, no I am not pregnant I checked, and it takes a lot out of me to not explode my emotions all over the place at church.
My son is 8 months old and not only are we not sealed together, which scares me everyday thinking something could happen and I wont have him in the next life, but he has not been blessed because we want my dad and brother and uncle to be apart of it. We would have done it here but we don't have any family here or super close friends and we don't really want there to be just randoms and the bishop assist in the blessing.
It is an understatement to say I am anxious to get this on the go. I used to be a little weary of the temple but I am more anxious and a bit excited about it now as I think about it. I want to go through the temple. Yes I know there will be things that "scare" me or make me wonder about things, but I'm prepared for it. Some people think I should do the prep classes, but now with my primary calling I cant really do it, but I feel like I have talked to many people about things and I feel comfortable with what is to come.


I have also been overwhelmed with Dominic growing up so quick. We got him his new car seat and he loves it, and it make me sad that hes not a little baby anymore. Also, we went to our friends little guys first birthday and it had me thinking that Dominic will be one soon and it will be time for his first birthday. That day wont be a good one for me. I already am thinking about what we will do for his birthday and who we will invite. We don't have a lot of people here and I feel like it will be a flop if we do a party.


Tonight I have just been weighed down by emotions. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more uplifted.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

8 Months Old

It is seriously so hard to believe that Dominic is 8 months old already. As excited as I am for him to continue growing, I am getting more sad that his 1st birthday is vastly approaching and it means that my baby really wont be a baby anymore.
He is, in my opinion, not catching on to things as quickly as I would like, but I think that's because he finds people waving and talking so fun and entertaining that he worries we will stop what we are doing if he did it back to us.
Also, another thing that has been super slow for him is his darn teeth! As we have all heard me talk about before, he is still toothless and in a lot of pain some days. I can see the outline of his bottom teeth and his gums are swollen and have many bumps, but the next day it will be fine and this has been the routine for months now. It gets hard on the days when he is having a hard day and is in pain and there is nothing I can do for him. Not even nursing will help.
He can get on his knees but doesn't like to stay on them long enough to figure out he can crawl better that way instead of his army crawl/dragging he does.
He can also pull himself up from a sitting position if he can get a grip on something sturdy and strong enough to support his weight.
He is getting into everything and following me and Dey around the house. He also is starting to learn to come to me when I put my arms out for him to crawl over to me for me to pick him up.
He doesn't wave, although I know he is trying so hard to do it, but again I think its because he finds waving funny to look at. He also says mama dada baba nana and he tried to say yes when I repeatedly say is, its more of a hissing sound he makes afterwards.
He is feeding himself his Gerber Puffs and he is eating so much now. I am amazed at his growth and the fact that he still finds ways to smile every day, even if I have to force him to smile on the crappy days.
He has his first boy cousin on my side of the family, and it is the first cousin he has met and he didn't really know what to think of him but went on his merry way.
He loves dogs, and to me this is enough of a reason to get a dog. However, we would need a newer and bigger place... which we want to get here soon anyway, preferably in our current ward.
Dominic is growing and weighs about 19.4lbs and is about 27 inches long. He hasn't been in 3-6 month clothes for a few weeks now and is wearing 6-9 months or 6-12 depending on the store and how their sizes work. I finally packed all his 3-6 month clothes away and it has made me realize he doesn't have a lot of clothes for this stage in life and so I should go shopping. I also want a newer bigger dresser that matches his crib so I can fit clothes better.
We have started our swim classes today and its great getting out of the house and actually doing something that isn't just going to walmart.
We also bought his next car seat today and even though he hasn't surpassed and the height and weight requirements he is however getting big and we might as well get the car seat now when its 100$ off then wait until later, and it wont hurt him to get out of his bucket seat.





His new thing is eating clothes.



He ironically is obsessed with the foam 8 from our numbers play foam mats.



Baby is getting big and growing so much. He has learned to give kisses and high fives. I don't know what else I could ask for, besides teeth, at this point, but boy do I love him!

Monday, September 22, 2014

A Test of Faith

I never really understood what it meant to have your faith  really tested but these past few months have been the biggest test of all and honestly, if I didn't have a testimony of the church then what we have gone through would be enough for me to never go back again.
In October we went to the bishop letting him know of our plan to get sealed in the temple this summer once our year mark was up. (we got married civilly so we had to wait a year)
You would think that as a bishop in a church where getting people to the temple and making families eternal that you would be pro-active and get everything ready so that way when we got to the year mark it would be a quick and relatively painless process. This has not been the case.
When the year was up and we went to the bishop to get things started he said that he would look into it. Then as each week passed and we asked him again he would say the same thing or would be on vacation. Finally he was back and when we went to him again he told us he didn't even know where to find the information needed for us. We were pretty frustrated at this point. So when Dey went to renew his temple recommend he asked the member of the stake about the information and he assured him that he would give the bishop that information on the following Tuesday which was only 2 days away. He did indeed do this and that Sunday the bishop gave Dey the template needed for his letter and assured him that he would express post the template to his ex so she could write her letter as well (the bishop already spoke with her on the phone at this point and she agreed to write it).
So Dey wrote his letter and gave it to the bishop. Every week we would ask the bishop about it and he would say that he hasn't even read the letter yet. Finally, 3 weeks later, the bishop read the letter only to tell Dey that it wasn't good enough that he needed to write it again. I hit a breaking point and emailed the stake president and assured him that I understood that the bishop is a busy man and I respect him and his calling but that it felt like our request has fallen on deaf ears and that we have just been set aside and will be dealt with whenever they get to it and that for a church so focused on temples and families being eternal it didn't seem like we were priority. The stake president only emailed me back to tell me that the bishop was called of god and busy and to be patient. Yeah, not impressed either with that.
So this week when Dey talked to the bishop he told him that because his ex was willing to write the letter and she has told him she was busy but would write it last week that the stake president said we are going to wait for her letter... this is ridiculous because its been over a month now since the bishop express posted her form to her and we haven't heard back, and we don't really need her letter; its just a formality type thing. Then the bishop told Dey that he is away this week and wont be able to check his mail and we need an interview with the stake president and hes away until general conference.
I have hit my breaking point I think and so has my mom. She wants to go to higher up to get this moving, especially because they just had someone in their stake get their clearance in 4 weeks. We also have friends who got theirs that quick as well and live in the city. I want to change stakes because it seems like it will actually get done.
I love this church, but right now I am not loving the people called into their authoritative positions. I am getting upset and sad and we are running out of time, and they all know this. My hopes and dreams of getting home before I go back to work are looking slim and I don't have vacation time at work to use to go home until next summer. I think what else is really frustrating is that I wanted to go home in May but didn't think I would be able to afford 2 trips home so close together. Now looking back at it I could have and I could have seen my grampie one last time before he passed away.
Again, this is a major test of faith for me and it isn't an easy thing to go through.
Now if anyone knows someone who is going to get a sealing clearance tell them to be on it and to be sure their bishop knows what they are doing.
I guess for me, I am asking for all the thoughts and prayers to be headed our way so we can make this EXTREMELY important dream a reality before the time is up.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Greyson J










On September 11th 2014 I became an aunt for the second time. It is however my first time being an aunt to a nephew... well, not really as Deys sister has a son as well, but in the sense that its a blood relative. My oldest brother Jeremy and his wife Kim had their son. She was due on September 22nd but went a little early and I couldn't be happier because, well, I LOVE babies.
I asked a few questions and honestly her labor is one for the books in the way that it is envious. I guess when they were done Kim goes "that wasn't that bad at all.... we better not tell Vanessa." haha I am jealous of her quick and easy labor but I am more overjoyed that they now have a little baby as well.
His name is Greyson J Blakeney. No the J doesn't stand for anything at all other than he is a product of my brother.
Once we heard that he was born I immediately wanted to head up to Edmonton, like they did for us when Dominic was born, but due to Deys already booked week we had to wait until this weekend and boy oh boy was it worth the wait.
We got there and I immediately went over to his mamroo swing and picked him up. I didn't get to hold him long because he was hungry but I was super happy. He is so much smaller than I ever remember Dominic being and he for sure has a smaller head than Dominic did... and not in a bad way. His head is normal size, Dominic has always had a bigger head thanks to me!
Greyson spent most of his time in the swing while we were there and I didn't get to hold him much but when I did I was in heaven. I am pretty sure my uterus skipped a beat haha
Dominic was a crank for most of the weekend so little to no sleep was had for me and I didn't get to spend as much time holding Greyson because it seemed like the moment I got him Dominic got into something and freaked out. I did get to take a few pictures.









Just hanging out


He always sleeps with his hands up by his head


TOES


I had to manipulate his feet like this because he kept tucking the one into the pant leg of the other


Cousins!!! Such a size difference and so weird to see something so small next to Dominic that isn't a toy.


Sleeping in the car... It didn't last long. Greyson let out a cry and it woke Dominic who freaked out for a good 15 minutes.... That's how the weekend went.


The only time I got to hold him for longer than 5 minutes... so about 10.


Hes wearing the outfit we gave him before church this morning.


His eyes were rarely open so when they were right before we left I had to take advantage and get a picture.




I am so happy that I got to see him this small because the next time we see them will be when they are driving through to say goodbye as they will be heading back to Utah in 4-6 weeks. Honestly I am so sad by this and it has me wondering why we are even in Calgary anymore. I am not ready to say goodbye yet, but at the same time I am. Hopefully Dey will fall MADLY in love with NS and we make our way back there... but who knows.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Thoughts of Thankfulness

I am sitting here this evening watching the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and I started to remember what life was before I got married and how I am glad that I have found the one I am to spend the rest of my life with.
I remember being stuck in a situation where I thought I had found the love of my life and that if he just smartened up and took a deeper look he would realize that I was what he needed in his life and that things with us could be amazing together. I would sit there and day dream about how perfect he was, even with all his trials and his flaws, and how I didn't care about any issues he had at all. One day we would be together. I held onto that hope, a hope that didn't exist, for years.
As these memories came flooding back to me I, for the millionth time, felt like an idiot for being so hopelessly devoted to someone who had no want to be devoted to me and I felt a smile creep onto my face as I remembered I found that person.
Now is this the person I always imagined myself with, no, but he is what I needed at the time that I met him and he turned into the person I could imagine myself with for he rest of my life.
Don't get me wrong, there are still days where I miss having my alone time and the freedom to just do whatever I please, but I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything. Yes we have our differences and our moments, but these are the things that people go through in relationships and it has helped us grow together.
So as I sit here with the movie playing and watching the different scenarios I am thankful for the scenario I ended up with.
Tonight I am happy.

5 Year Olds

I FINALLY got a calling the other week and it was in primary. I actually wanted this calling. I signed up to be a sub a couple weeks back because they have such an issue keeping people and having people available to teach so I thought what the heck!? So then I hinted at the bishop that I would love to be there and then 4 days later I got the calling. Who says lobbying for a calling in the church doesn't work!? haha
Yesterday was my first sunday there and I have the 5 year olds. Soon to be 4 year olds once January gets here, which means odds are I wont have any kids most weeks because the 3 year olds right now barely show up.
So I have 8 kids if they all show up but one family is less active, and so yesterday I had 7. It is the biggest class in primary right now. I love it.
I have Julia, Vienna, Eli, Levi, Eric, Severin and Jacob. Julia is my eager beaver who volunteers for everything and I love it! And then Vienna is her best friend who doesn't do a whole let just yet, Eli, Eric and Levi are the typical rowdy boys, Severin doesn't say a word, EVER, and then Jacob. Jacob I learned towards the end of the class that he is special needs. My heart melted immediately when I figured this out. I have always had such a soft spot for special needs kids since I was a kid myself. Sometimes I even catch myself crying when I see them sad. He is so well behaved and I can tell he is just so sweet and I think he will be the saddest for me to say goodbye to.
I feel blessed that I get this class and I am loving it already. I don't like the unpadded chairs that they have us sitting on because my tailbone has never been the same since getting pregnant with Dominic. I might end up bringing a pillow to sit on or something.
I do miss Dominic for the 2 hours because Dey takes him to young mens with him, but it makes the end of church that much more sweet because I get my baby back.
Again, I am in love with this calling and I cant wait for sunday to get here so I can see all my kids again!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Anxiety

This week has brought on some early onset anxiety for me. As the snow fell from the summer skies for 3 days and the power went out for 14+ hours, I sat there and got really sad. Many tears were shed as I sat in the rocking chair putting Dominic down for his afternoon nap as I thought about this upcoming winter season. It has many perks, but also many things I am dreading.
I guess it all started on Friday when I went to a co-workers baby shower at the office and on the drive into RECA I actually started to get really nervous and sad about going in. I have been to visit many times, but this time it was as if I was going to work and leaving Dominic behind even though he was with me. After being there I was able to calm my nerves and celebrate with Erin her upcoming baby. Then the snow started to fall and it hit me, we are very close to the winter season and I will have to go back to work in the dark, and come home in the dark. I don't do well with winter some times and it makes me extremely tired and sad because there is little to no light that I get to enjoy and it is super cold. I am worried because I will hate the winter and be sad about it and then to add leaving Dominic  days a week for 8 hours or more a day is just not going to sit well with me and odds are I will spend most days crying at work.
I have decided that I would try and look at some good points about this winter season and this is what I came up with to help me not dread it as much: \


1. Baby's first time playing in the snow - he was so little last winter and it was so cold and I had my incision so I didn't go out at all and wouldn't put Dominic in the snow.
2. Baby's first Christmas! - this is something I cannot wait for. I have already started about things I want to get him, and it mostly consists of boxes and wrapping paper because lets face it, he'll like that more
3. Baby's first birthday! - this is a bittersweet thing for me. I am excited that Dominic will be so grown up and doing so much more by then, and I want to do the cake smash photo shoot with him, but at the same time I don't want to have him grow up anymore.
4. Baby's first taste of something sweet and sugary - I have decided I wont give Dominic any sweets until his birthday, and even at that point it wont be a whole lot because lets face it, I eat enough junk for pretty much all of Canada.


That's all I can think of right now, and I guess that will have to do. I am hoping to focus on those and not the sad parts about this winter. I just never thought I would love or be this attached to this little person, but I am and that's ok for me.

Friday, August 29, 2014

7 Months Old

Where is the time going? My child is 7 months old. Its hard to believe that this time last year I was still pregnant with him and wildly uncomfortable and not sleeping. Well, I'm a little more comfortable now but still not sleeping. Looks like my mom was right in saying I wont get sleep until they are 18. Fingers crossed I get some before then because I wont survive.
So Dominic is growing like a weed and learning so much more as each day goes on. He is about 19lbs and around 27". Hes such a good eater which is crazy because I'm not, and I am so happy he is. We are on a pretty good schedule now however his sleeping hasn't improved and I'm worried that it will never get back to being good and that I will have sleepless nights for the rest of my life.
He started saying "Mamamama" and would wake up crying and saying it. That lasted for a few days. Then it turned into "bababababa" and quickly turned into "dadadadadada" and that has been happening for about 2 weeks now. I keep trying to get him back on the mama train but no dice.
He rolls all around the room to get places and loves playing with his toys. He wants to stand all the time but wants to have me help him, which gets tiring because I want to do things as well. Hes still in his "how dare you leave me and go into another room" stage and freaks out and cries. However, if he is out of the house with other people, or even if Dey or someone else is over and is in the same room he is perfectly ok, but the moment they leave hes back to being super needy. Don't get me wrong, I love that he loves me and wants to be close to me but, I need some space too and need to get some work done. I let him cry a lot during the day so I can get things done, but after a while I still have to pick him up and do things handed, like make chocolate chip cookies.
He still doesn't have any teeth but he is very bothered by them. I'm hoping all 4 pop through at the same time because it will mean all the suffering will be done and over with at once for a little while.
The other night he had a bit of a fever for a second time. The first time was after his 4 month shots, but this time it was just because. He has had a runny nose and some semi loose poops (more so than normal) and these have all been linked to teething so I think the end is near! His fever didn't last long at all and it wasn't that high, but it was just enough that he was bothered and not able to go back to sleep for a bit.
I have stopped putting him in 3-6 month clothes and have been slowly packing them up, especially because the weather is starting to cool down here. It makes me really sad to know that he isn't a little baby anymore. I want him to grow up and but I want him to stay small and want to cuddle with me.
I was told today, as I have been many other times, about how amazing his eyes/eyelashes are and how girls will be falling over him because of them. I have decided that if ever a girl comes over, even to play, I will tell them that they have he wrong house and no Dominic lives here. I want to keep him mine forever... yeah I know that wont happen but still, he is my first born and my little boy. I want him to stay mine forever.
We have decided that because the electrical in this house cannot be trusted that until we move into another place he will be in our room, so we have moved his crib in our room. Yes we don't have as much walking space but we have enough to get by and he likes his crib a lot. He even tries to pull himself up if we sit him closer to the side.
I am getting closer to the end of my leave and I think about it everyday and how sad that makes me. Be prepared for many tears shed on that fateful day.
I am excited for all of his firsts that will coming so soon and cannot wait to celebrate them with him.
I know that being a mom isn't easy and it is hard a lot of the time, but it is honestly the most worthwhile thing in this life (at least to me.)
I love my baby and cannot believe he is mine forever!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Uncle Meets Nephew



Last Wednesday I headed to the airport to pick up my brother at midnight. I was so stinking tired but I was so excited that I was getting to see my brother and he was able to meet Dominic.
Dominic didn't sleep much that night and was awake when we got home so they got to see each other right away. I think this was a blessing in a way because when we got up in the morning Dominic remembered who he was and wasn't upset being left with him.
One of the first things Josh said when he saw Dominic was "Uhhh his hair has red in it!?" ... Yes, its true, my son has a tint of red in his hair. You can thank the Blakeney side for that.









We went to IKEA on Thursday (Josh has never been) and he wanted to look at some items because one of the stores in Ontario will ship to NS and he wanted to see what things were really like in comparison to the catalog. Then on Friday we went to Banff and Lake Louise where Josh jumped in the water. My brother is crazy!! He said it was pretty cold. Duh, it's glacier water! We had lunch, where Josh got hit on by a man and hung out and headed home.
Now Josh picked up right where he left off and picked on me like crazy. I caught myself crying in the car because I knew he was the one leaving soon and it made me miss my family that much more.


When we got home Josh got ready because he was hanging out with some friends and Jeremy came to town so they could drive up to Edmonton together the next day. It was the first time in a little over 2 years since the 3 of us have been together and it felt great. It was a bitter sweet moment because they weren't staying long but it was so nice to have them here. Josh and Jeremy were cuddle buddies that night and it made it feel like old times for me when we would be on vacation and the 2 of them would share a bed in the Hotel.


Saturday the boys said that they were going to do the Luge at C.O.P. and I asked if it was an open invite and they said yes so we all went.
First Jeremy, Josh and I went down, then Myself and Dey, then Jeremy, Josh and Dey, then just Jeremy and Josh. It was so worth it and honestly so much fun. I want to go back so bad! However my tailbone is killing me now.
I made sure that we got a picture before they left. This was the only decent one where the boys weren't being their ridiculous selves and making faces. I love them.









I love my family, and I wish that my brothers stayed a little longer, but I am thankful for the little time I did get to spend with them.
Now its just a waiting game for Nova Scotia. Come on Sealing Clearance!!