Overwhelmed

I am sitting here watching TV on this sunday evening and I all of a sudden I have this overwhelming feeling that if I go home in December like I want, that everything will come in while I am there and then we wont be able to get sealed anyway because I will need all my temple stuff taken care of and we would need our sealing recommend as well.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to go home no matter what this Christmas and I almost bought my ticket the other day to do so. I would be there for a month, but after hearing today from the bishop that he hasn't heard anything yet from Deys ex has really got me wondering if this trip is even doable. The bishop has said that he will call his ex one more time, because according to her the letter should have been written and sent to him already, and after talking to her he will talk to the stake president to see if he is willing to move forward with the process without it. I am really hoping that he says ok lets go for it. Maybe we can get the clearance in November. Once they send off for the clearance then I will know better if I will for sure go home or not.
I asked my mom to fast for us after conference when their ward is having fast sunday because this has been the most emotional of trials I have ever gone through.
I feel like I've talked about this a lot, but this has been my focus for the past while and has had me distracted for a long while. I get angry very easily, and I have been extra emotional these past few weeks as the time is slipping by, no I am not pregnant I checked, and it takes a lot out of me to not explode my emotions all over the place at church.
My son is 8 months old and not only are we not sealed together, which scares me everyday thinking something could happen and I wont have him in the next life, but he has not been blessed because we want my dad and brother and uncle to be apart of it. We would have done it here but we don't have any family here or super close friends and we don't really want there to be just randoms and the bishop assist in the blessing.
It is an understatement to say I am anxious to get this on the go. I used to be a little weary of the temple but I am more anxious and a bit excited about it now as I think about it. I want to go through the temple. Yes I know there will be things that "scare" me or make me wonder about things, but I'm prepared for it. Some people think I should do the prep classes, but now with my primary calling I cant really do it, but I feel like I have talked to many people about things and I feel comfortable with what is to come.


I have also been overwhelmed with Dominic growing up so quick. We got him his new car seat and he loves it, and it make me sad that hes not a little baby anymore. Also, we went to our friends little guys first birthday and it had me thinking that Dominic will be one soon and it will be time for his first birthday. That day wont be a good one for me. I already am thinking about what we will do for his birthday and who we will invite. We don't have a lot of people here and I feel like it will be a flop if we do a party.


Tonight I have just been weighed down by emotions. Hopefully tomorrow I will be more uplifted.