This week has brought on some early onset anxiety for me. As the snow fell from the summer skies for 3 days and the power went out for 14+ hours, I sat there and got really sad. Many tears were shed as I sat in the rocking chair putting Dominic down for his afternoon nap as I thought about this upcoming winter season. It has many perks, but also many things I am dreading.
I guess it all started on Friday when I went to a co-workers baby shower at the office and on the drive into RECA I actually started to get really nervous and sad about going in. I have been to visit many times, but this time it was as if I was going to work and leaving Dominic behind even though he was with me. After being there I was able to calm my nerves and celebrate with Erin her upcoming baby. Then the snow started to fall and it hit me, we are very close to the winter season and I will have to go back to work in the dark, and come home in the dark. I don't do well with winter some times and it makes me extremely tired and sad because there is little to no light that I get to enjoy and it is super cold. I am worried because I will hate the winter and be sad about it and then to add leaving Dominic days a week for 8 hours or more a day is just not going to sit well with me and odds are I will spend most days crying at work.
I have decided that I would try and look at some good points about this winter season and this is what I came up with to help me not dread it as much: \
1. Baby's first time playing in the snow - he was so little last winter and it was so cold and I had my incision so I didn't go out at all and wouldn't put Dominic in the snow.
2. Baby's first Christmas! - this is something I cannot wait for. I have already started about things I want to get him, and it mostly consists of boxes and wrapping paper because lets face it, he'll like that more
3. Baby's first birthday! - this is a bittersweet thing for me. I am excited that Dominic will be so grown up and doing so much more by then, and I want to do the cake smash photo shoot with him, but at the same time I don't want to have him grow up anymore.
4. Baby's first taste of something sweet and sugary - I have decided I wont give Dominic any sweets until his birthday, and even at that point it wont be a whole lot because lets face it, I eat enough junk for pretty much all of Canada.
That's all I can think of right now, and I guess that will have to do. I am hoping to focus on those and not the sad parts about this winter. I just never thought I would love or be this attached to this little person, but I am and that's ok for me.