Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Hardest Thing...

When you find out you're pregnant you start to worry about things like, will my baby be cute? healthy? or born with everything???
Once they come into this world we start to worry about other things like, will they still be healthy? strong? develop properly? will they stay cute?
You also think about the things you never want to see happen to your child. You never want them to make the same mistakes you did, or get hurt both emotionally and physically. There are tons of other things that you think/worry about when you're a parent as well, but there's too many things to list.

A few weeks ago I was putting Dominic's soother on him with the clip and I some how pinched his skin and the cry he let out was so sad. I cried and felt like a horrible mom.
Then on April 12th he got his 2 month shots and honestly the cry he let out was even worse and I couldn't watch as he got the needles. I hid my face in his blanket and cried because I was doing something, inadvertently, to my baby that was causing him pain and it was so sad.
I have had a few dreams in the past couple of months where I have dropped Dominic and although he fell far he didn't really cry in my dream but I also didn't know what to do either and I was told by everyone in my dream to just let him be because he was fine. I always woke up feeling like a horrible person for letting him just lay there even if it was a dream.

Some days when we are home during the day and Dominic takes his naps, I wrap him up in his blanket and set him beside me on the couch and let him sleep. Today, like many others, I did just that. He is a squirmer and likes to kick and move himself, and he must have done that in his sleep and moved himself closer to the edge of the couch because when he was waking up he stretched/squirmed and rolled right off the couch onto the floor. I was sitting right there and I didn't see him until he hit the floor. He immediately let out this terrible cry and I rushed to him. Luckily my couch isn't far off the ground and he landed on his back and not his face.
I picked him up while he and I cried together and I rocked him and held him tight. I knew he needed a diaper change and needed to be fed, and as the bottle warmed I went to change him and called Dey. By this point his crying had subsided (it had been about 5 minutes total of him crying) and I put him down and he always loves getting his diaper changed and he smiled at me. Although he was smiling I moved everything I could to be sure that he didn't have anything that was hurting because if he did then I would have taken him to the hospital. He seemed fine and he didn't look "out of it" like people do when they have a concussion. Dey assured me that he was ok and as did my mom later on and she also told me "he's not the first baby to fall off the couch"

I look at this face and all I can think is how much I love him and how bad I feel for what happened.
I don't know how it happened, but all I know is I  NEVER want him out of my sight. This baby is my world and I couldn't live with myself if something were to happen to him. I feel horrible that he got hurt today when I was sitting right there. I know it as an accident but I cant help but feel as if I am to blame and that I am a horrible mom for letting this happen.
He has been extra fussy today because he hasn't slept as much and because I'm sure the falling didn't help matters. I just hope that this fall doesn't cause any long term damage down the road because I will blame myself for it.
This child has been more than a dream come true for both myself and Dey and I will do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't get hurt.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014


This little guy is officially 3 months old (5 days ago) and I cannot believe that he is mine and that I get to wake up next to him everyday.
I am so in love with this little guy it is unbelievable.
Since he has been born he has occupied all of my time and there are days where I miss "me time" but then he gives me a smile and I really could care less about spending time by myself.
From what we can tell he is about 15lbs and about 27" and is slowly growing out of his 0-3 months clothing. I have had to pack a few things away already and it's sad to say that my baby is growing up so fast. He has started to wear some of his 3-6 months clothes. Where does the time go?

Now that he is 3 months old he can giggle and "talk" and smile. His head is still a bit wobbly because he has favored one side of his neck more than the other and so its not as strong, but we are working on it everyday.
He likes it when I read to him because of the pictures.
He likes to play with the toys on his play mat and has come to realize that he can hit them. He also talks to himself a lot because he notices that he is the one making the noise.
He loves the bath and getting his diaper changed.
He hates getting gas and hates when I stop feeding him when he isn't done feeding.
He doesn't like getting his nose cleaned or being ignored.
He drools a lot and as far as we can tell he doesn't have any teeth coming in.
Some of his nicknames are: Honey bunches of oats, mister, caterpillar and some Spanish names that I don't know how to spell but Dey calls him those all the time.

Having a baby is the best thing ever. I love him so much. I cannot wait until I can be a stay at home mom. The goal is to be able to do that once we have our second kid.
I love being a mom! 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


This past weekend was Easter and it is probably in my top 3 favorite holidays because its the one where I get the most candy and I LOVE candy.
Friday we had dinner with some friends and we all pitched in and made something. I even made tea biscuits from scratch. I thought that a single batch was not going to be enough so I doubled it... next thing I knew I was counting 35, 36, 37... single batch would have been better because we have thrown out the left overs. But hey, at least I made them and they turned out. I am quite pleased with myself these days with the baking/cooking I've done. This is so unlike me but I'm so bored at home all day I need to do something to keep me from just watching TV and going crazy.
Saturday I went to the store and ran a few errands and updated my phone, which was an hellish ordeal, and we just pretty much stayed in and cleaned a bit.
Sunday we went to church and then afterwards my brother and his wife stopped by on their way back to Edmonton. Looking at Kim, who's due in September, she is still pretty tiny. I guess its not a Blakeney gene that makes you big when you're pregnant... or maybe it is and she didn't get hit with it because I was huge and come to think of it so was Julia when she was pregnant. Like she and I both blew up really fast. Lyla was smaller than Dominic though and he was early and Lyla was late. Honestly, why was I so big!? Probably all the sugar... but at least I didn't get the gestational diabetes. That was my biggest fear while being pregnant because it involves needles every day. No Thank you!
I always love seeing my family and I wish that we all lived closer together.
I also love my Saviour. I know that Easter, like Christmas, has been over commercialized and I do like to partake in the worldly ways of things, but I am forever grateful to my saviour for what he has done and continues to do for me every day. I have had to use the atonement in my life on more than one occasion and for more than one thing and I could not be where I am today without him.
I have my son because I was able to make my way back to him and rely on him for my growth and my repentance. All of this led me to Dey and look at me now, married and a mom. Two things I never though would happen for me.
I hope that everyone had an amazing Easter and that they, like me, can come to love and appreciate the Saviour and his sacrifice he made for each and every one of us.

Sunday, April 20, 2014


All my life I have wanted kids. I was always the little girl OBSESSED with babies and pregnant women. At church if there was a baby I was there!
What really surprised me was the fact that having a baby of my own would be hard for me in the beginning... like the whole pregnancy and labor part. That is something I wish I could do without to have another one.
Since Dominic has been born I have been surprised by the amount of love that I have for him. He is this "tiny" (in quotations because hes a bit of a chunk) person and I just cannot help but have this overwhelming amount of joy when I look at him.
He has given me a few surprises as well, explosive poops almost everyday, hiccups, recognizing who I am, loving getting his diaper changed and smiling at me when I come into a room.
He has grown so much over these past few months and I want time to slow down because I don't want my year off to come to an end.
That's another surprise. I LOVE my job at RECA but since Dominic has been born I have found my calling in life. This job of being a mother isn't easy but its so rewarding. I would much rather be a stay at home mom than anything else. I have said that in the past but little did I know how much I would really want that.
My brother and his wife are having a baby boy in September, and I found myself jealous of them having a baby. I have one of my own so this was a big surprise to me. I also was a little sad that they were having a boy (but only for a moment) because I wanted to be the unique one in the family who had the only grandson. Plus I thought it would be cool if the 2 boys had girls and the girl had a boy.
Since learning of the news of me having a nephew soon has happened I have found myself longing for another baby. I have no idea why because my baby is still a baby and my body is no where near ready for that again. But seeing everyone post things about their pregnancy has made me a bit jealous that I didn't track my pregnancy development as well as others have. I was really miserable so I think that's why I didn't do it.
I want a baby girl so bad. I am scared that when I get pregnant again (todays its a "when" not an "if") it will be another boy. I would still love him to bits if that is the case but then I would want to try again for a girl and then I fear that the next one, if a girl, would have the same life I did with mean older brothers.
I also surprised myself since being pregnant with changing my "plan". I always wanted a big family because I never really had one when I was growing up and I didn't want any of my kids to be left out. But now I have told myself that if my next kid is a girl then Im done. I don't like being pregnant or giving birth.
But hey who knows what will happen the next time... I might have an easy pregnancy and be willing to have another one after that. 
I also told Dey that he needs to work harder because the next time I get pregnant I don't want to sign an agreement with work saying that I will go back. I want him to replace my income so I can stay home with my kids and I also told him I want my own car too!

Thursday, April 17, 2014


I have always had an over active imagination. I have always made up stories and lived them out in my mind. Some stories more elaborate than others. I think this is why I have had so many nightmares throughout my life, because my mind is always thinking of things. I was hoping once I grew up the nightmares would stop or be less common but that's not the case with me.
I have had reoccurring dreams as well, and some with titles. If anyone were to ask what was my most memorable dream from my childhood I would have to say it wasn't a dream but a nightmare and it was called (yes it had a title) JEREMY THE PRICKLE MONSTER!!!
I dreamt that my family and I were on a trip to the Schubie Wild Life Park back home in NS and for some reason it shared a fence with a cemetery. As we walked through an information booth about the animals we were about to see we noticed that Jeremy was missing and quickly ran out of the booth searching for him. We saw that Jeremy was in the cemetery and for some reason all of the old school wooden coffins were above ground and not buried. Jeremy was punched holes into the coffins and started eating the dead people and called for Josh to join him. As a loyal brother Josh did as Jeremy asked. Josh did not like the taste and immediately spat the dead people out of his mouth. Jeremy was unstoppable and turned into a zombie like creature and started throwing "prickles" at us (no idea what the prickles were but they hurt.) Everyone was in a panic and trying to run away and then I woke up. See what I mean about over active imagination???
Since Dominic was born I have had "nightmares" as I'm sure all woman have who are first time moms and I have worried about him everyday. He is my everything and I cannot imagine my life without him.
I have issues sleeping some nights because I will nap too long during the day, but lately I haven't been sleeping because we took Dominic to get his vaccinations last week and ever since then he wakes up crying in his sleep for the first 3 hours of the night after he goes down. I don't try to sleep during that time because if I do and am woken up by his crying then I will be up for the rest of the night because its like I had a power nap. This then turns into me sleeping for hours during the day and making it harder for me to sleep at night.
Last night we went swimming for the first time and by the time we got home and got settled and fed Dominic it was about midnight. Like every night this past week he woke up crying so I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for a little while until I knew he was sound asleep. Once I realized it had been about an hour since he cried I knew I could go to sleep now.
They say it only takes minute to dream and that was the case for me. I fell asleep and had been asleep for about 10mins and I dreamt the worst dream, or nightmare, I have ever had. This nightmare did not last long and it had no scary monsters in it. It was a mothers nightmare come true. In my dream I woke up and Dominic was gone; taken from our room as we slept by some stranger. I woke up in tears and Dey held me as I cried. Dominic was fine and I could still see him in his cradle at the end of our bed. I decided right then and there that if when the time comes that he is too big for his cradle that he will not go into the other room but sleep in our bed until I feel comfortable with it.
He woke up crying about an hour later and I decided to bring him in bed with me where I had a movie playing on Netflix and I watched him sleep until about 630am when I finally fell asleep.
I love my son more than anything in this world. He is apart of me and I have been blessed with the job of being his mother and protector. I would give up my life for him if I needed to. I will love him for the rest of our lives on earth and into eternity.

The Love of a Mother

I remember being a little girl running into my kitchen towards my mom and begging her to pick me up in her arms by saying "uppy uppy uppy" over and over again. I remember cuddling with her in church as she gently rocked me to sleep. I also remember when the last place I wanted to be was around her and feeling like things were unfair and that I wanted my life to be different.
12 weeks ago I was blessed to be a mother to a beautiful baby boy and I have been amazed by the overwhelming love I feel for him every second of every day. Because I have had a baby, my appreciation for my very own mother has grown leaps and bounds. I have appreciated my mother in the past but not to the extent that I do now.
My mom has made 2 trips out to see me and for the first time in what feels like forever I was overjoyed to have her around. I wanted to be that little girl again wanting my mother to hold me in her arms and rock me to sleep like she had many years before.
The first time my mom came out was a week after Dominic was born and I was still in major recovery mode and couldn't do a whole lot for myself. She didn't mind being in the house 24/7 and cleaning up and cooking for me. I felt like I was a sick child where the mother is there to watch over and protect their little one until they are ready to run and play again.
The next time my mom came out was in March and the recovery period had ended and things were a lot easier for me. Now this time she wasn't "needed" as much because I was able to do things for myself, but she still helped out when and where she could and I was so grateful to have her here.
I look at Dominic and I know that I would do anything for him because I have this undeniable love for him and it has been that way since the first time the nurse put him on my chest an hour after he was born.
I now know the love my mother has for me, even though at times I may not have deserved it, and I love her so much more for what she has done for me.
I hope one day I can be half the mother she is.