SURPRISED

All my life I have wanted kids. I was always the little girl OBSESSED with babies and pregnant women. At church if there was a baby I was there!
What really surprised me was the fact that having a baby of my own would be hard for me in the beginning... like the whole pregnancy and labor part. That is something I wish I could do without to have another one.
Since Dominic has been born I have been surprised by the amount of love that I have for him. He is this "tiny" (in quotations because hes a bit of a chunk) person and I just cannot help but have this overwhelming amount of joy when I look at him.
He has given me a few surprises as well, explosive poops almost everyday, hiccups, recognizing who I am, loving getting his diaper changed and smiling at me when I come into a room.
He has grown so much over these past few months and I want time to slow down because I don't want my year off to come to an end.
That's another surprise. I LOVE my job at RECA but since Dominic has been born I have found my calling in life. This job of being a mother isn't easy but its so rewarding. I would much rather be a stay at home mom than anything else. I have said that in the past but little did I know how much I would really want that.
My brother and his wife are having a baby boy in September, and I found myself jealous of them having a baby. I have one of my own so this was a big surprise to me. I also was a little sad that they were having a boy (but only for a moment) because I wanted to be the unique one in the family who had the only grandson. Plus I thought it would be cool if the 2 boys had girls and the girl had a boy.
Since learning of the news of me having a nephew soon has happened I have found myself longing for another baby. I have no idea why because my baby is still a baby and my body is no where near ready for that again. But seeing everyone post things about their pregnancy has made me a bit jealous that I didn't track my pregnancy development as well as others have. I was really miserable so I think that's why I didn't do it.
I want a baby girl so bad. I am scared that when I get pregnant again (todays its a "when" not an "if") it will be another boy. I would still love him to bits if that is the case but then I would want to try again for a girl and then I fear that the next one, if a girl, would have the same life I did with mean older brothers.
I also surprised myself since being pregnant with changing my "plan". I always wanted a big family because I never really had one when I was growing up and I didn't want any of my kids to be left out. But now I have told myself that if my next kid is a girl then Im done. I don't like being pregnant or giving birth.
But hey who knows what will happen the next time... I might have an easy pregnancy and be willing to have another one after that. 
I also told Dey that he needs to work harder because the next time I get pregnant I don't want to sign an agreement with work saying that I will go back. I want him to replace my income so I can stay home with my kids and I also told him I want my own car too!