Monday, December 31, 2012

The Best Moments of 2012

I thought since today was the end of 2012 that maybe I should write a blog about all the highlights of this past year.
There have been many things that have occured over this past year that I consider to be downfalls, but I didnt want to focus on those. Im trying to stay positive and look at the bright side.
So here is 2012 at a glance!

JANUARY: Not a whole lot really happened that I can actually remember, but I did realize that sometimes it's ok to kiss someone because they are there and not actually have any romantic feelings for them... Now this isnt something that I do on a regular basis, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it!

FEBRUARY: This was the month that I got to go home and see my family after 7 months of not seeing them. The best part was that my family had no idea that I was coming home. Seeing the looks on all of their faces as I walked up to them and the realization that it was in fact me standing in front of them was priceless! It was a great feeling being home with family and friends.

MARCH: This month there was a specific date that meant pretty much everything to me, and that was the 12th. On this day I started my new job at RECA (real estate council of alberta) and this was the day that my life seemed to change in more ways than one. This was the day that my happiness slowly started to come back.

APRIL: Again this was another month that not a lot of things happened, but I did get the chance to go to Regina for Easter with Kayla and meet her family. This weekend was so funny. I had heard stories before and had "met" some of her family via facetime, but never did I expect them to be as funny and cool as they were. I had one of the best Easters ever at her house and I just fell in love with her family!

MAY: Ok, on the 20th of this month I turned 25 and that is not a good thing at all for me. For those of you who know me I tend to cry on my birthday, and this year I was exceptionally emotional for many reasons... However, I did say that I was trying to look at the postive side of things, so here it goes. I turned 25 and this seemed to be a turning point in my life. Many good things happend after I turned 25 that made it ok for me to be this age.

JUNE: On the 4th I got my very first real pet. I bought my bunny! Even though he smells sometimes and he hates people I still love him. He is super cute when he wants to be.
Also this was the month that I had the one of the best weeks since moving out here. I was able to have a life and meet new people and just have a good time.

JULY: On the 6th of July I flew home because my brother Jeremy was getting married! It was crazy to think that he would actually be getting married. The only reason why I say that is because he had been engaged before and it never worked out and I was worried that this time would be no different. I am so happy that it did because I love his wife Kim! She is a gem!!
This month also brought my very first Stampede experience and it was great because I LOVE rides!!! I love the rush and the thrill of it all! I had a blast.
Now on the 28th of this month is when I had a little incident with my front door that brought a lot of laughs from those inside my house because they didnt believe me that it was as bad as it was. However, an x-ray, a tetnis shot, 8 stitches and an air cast later it was worse than the other anticipated. This I think was a semi good experience because it taught those around me to maybe take a me a little more seriously when I say Im really hurt and about to pass out from the pain! : )

AUGUST: This month was a busy month. It brought a lot of changes in the lives of those around me and I was lucky enough to be apart of these changes. The biggest thing that happened this month was on the 28th... LAURA GOT MARRIED! My bestie got married and I got to be apart of it. I had the opportunity to travel and see a few places that I probably would never have had the chance to see if it werent for her getting married.

SEPTEMBER: This month was just a hectic month with work and it made me realize that I needed to take the initiative at some point and work to move up in the company. It was crazy at the front desk and I realized that as much as I loved the people in my department I was going to need a change because I wouldnt be able to handle this much longer.

OCTOBER: This month was exceptionally busy for me, and it was actually a great month! I seriously had so much fun! On the 2nd I got to see CARRIE UNDERWOOD! The tickets were crap but it was so great being able to see her live. I love her and have wanted to see her for years but never had the chance to, and when I found out she was coming here I was so happy that I would finally have a chance to see her. About a week later on the 12th I had another dream come true... This dream was bigger than the dream to see Carrie... I was able to see JUSTIN BIEBER! I can already hear the judgment in your tones about this, but in all honesty I dont care. I love the Biebs and having the chance to see him live was something I had wanted for a long time and if I was still in NS then I would never have had the opportunity to see him. It was a great concert and so worth it! The very next day was obviously the 13th but this day was another special day because my other best friend Kayla got married! I was super tired but it was great being apart of her day and seeing her happy!!!

NOVEMBER: This was the month where the countdown began... The countdown to go home that is! There was an amazing seat sale and I jumped at the opportunity to go home in January because I wasn't going to be able to go home for Christmas. Also this was the month that I booked a car and drove to Edmonton to see a lot of my friends that I hadnt seen in years, and this was also the weekend I got away from all my fears and doubts about living in Calgary and regained some reassurance as to why Im living here. The weekend wasnt a perfect weekend but it was exactly what I needed it to be! I came back to Calgary happy and that was all I was really asking for!

DECEMBER: This month is also full of great things like Christmas, getting a new position at work and getting Taylor Swift tickets for June!!! But there is one date in particular that stands out the most. The night of Dec. 8th 2012 is when the saying "...When you least expect it" became something I could actually believe in. Im not ready to go into full detail on that just yet, but Im thinking one day very soon I will be!!

So today marks the last day of 2012 and I am ready to say goodbye. Looking back over the year there have been many things that have happened in my life that I am thankful for, but I am ready for a fresh start and a new year to start them in!
So here's to 2013 bringing more unexpected things into my life!


Friday, December 28, 2012

Christmas is Over... Bring on 2013

This year marked the second East Coast Christmas here in Calgary with myself, Laura and Michelle. However, this year there was an addition to our little group.... Laura got married so we kind of have to involve her husband aka Poppa J! haha Even though he isn't from the east coast, he did in fact live there for 2 years and thats where he and Laura met so I guess it was ok that he joined us! It was great having him there. He adds a certain comedic relief in a way to our little group of misfits and it makes everything just that much more funny.
Ok, onto the festivities that occured! I am actually going to start with the Thursday night.
Thursday night the guy that I met a few weeks ago who I like, (yes, I like someone... the fact that Im writing about it will probably curse it and then I will be left in the dust but I wanted to document a few things), came over to hang out. He didn't leave until about 130am and I had to get up at 545am to get ready for work. Thankfully it was friday so it wouldn't be too hard to get ready in the morning. I got to work and felt like I was dying because I was so tired. I hopped up on sugar to help keep my energy up.
So I had to start training for my new postion at work... BTW I got a new position at work! haha My coordinator decided that she would send us home at 330 that day and seeing that there was no one there to train me it was pointless for me to stay at work, so I was lucky enough that I got to leave early. Seriously that was the best thing that could have happened that day because I got to have a couple hour nap which I was in desperate need of.

We went to Zoo Lights and I, for obvious reasons fell in love with Candy Land!
After Zoo Lights, I got warmed up at home and then I decided to go to bed because I just that tired still.
Saturday came and I was lucky enough to have a friend from work inform me that she had an extra ticket to the Nutcracker and asked if I wanted to go with her. I jumped at the opportunity to go. I haven't seen it in years and I always love the Ballet. So we went and it was beautiful. The music was just outstanding and the dancing made me jealous that I was never that talented at anything like that. I wish that they would have let you take pictures because it was just so beautiful.
After the Nutcracker I went home and I just cleaned up a bit and then did some last minute stocking stuffer shopping for Michelle.
On Sunday I got up and went to church, and for those of you who know me lately, that has been a very difficult thing for me to do. I am glad I went. They had an entire sacrament with musical numbers and people bearing their testimony.
I'm not going to lie, but I cant remember what I did after church, so Im going to assume that I didnt do much at all. hahaha

Then came Christmas Eve. Laura wanted to get her picture taken with Santa, but she slept in. I however was up and ready early, and I think that made the day that much better because I didnt just lounge around. I actually put forth an effort to look nice. As the day went on I just did a few things here and there but kept it pretty easy. Then we had to go get Michelle from work.. Which by the way is like FOREVER away from our house and she could transfer to the store thats super close to where we both live but she wont because she likes the people she works with. Yes I get that you like the people you work with but sometimes its easier to work closer especially when it will save you travel time and you can get more sleep this way.
Anyway, we went and got Michelle and then went to the nativity pagent that is held at Heritage Park. It was so unbelievably cold out. Good thing I brought a blanket to help keep us from freezing. No it did not keep us warm, but it kept the cold from fully setting in which was nice. Im going to be honest... Jeremy and I should NEVER sit next to each other for such occasions because we were worse than 2 immature teenagers with how disruptive we were being. There were a few times when we found it really hard not to burst out into loud laughter. Either way it made the evening that much better.

If your are wondering this picture is of Michelle, Myself and Jeremy. Michelles hat was like a dead animal that decided to blind her.

This is our Tree!! Seriously I have never seen so many presents under the tree for my personal christmas until I had moved out here and we decided to do christmas together. Yes I know that presents isnt the true meaning of christmas but it does help make things all the merrier!!

This year is was Michelles turn to buy the christmas pj's for us.... Needless to say mine were too small, but I still wore them. It made for a good laugh when we put them on especially because there was only one size difference between our pj's and her's were too big and mine were too small.

We did breakfast on christmas morning and then opened all of our presents. I was lucky because I got a lot of gifts from my family and friends and it just made everything so great. I do hate the feeling when all the presents are opened that christmas has in some way ended, and I think this is why I would in many ways have it so christmas didnt involve all the gift giving. Dont get me wrong, I very much appreicate the gifts that are given but it just seems to take away from what is really important during this time of the year.
After gifts we just did our own things until dinner time and then we ate... that is what the picture of above is of. After dinner we went to Monsters Inc. 3D. I LOVE that movie and when I heard that it was going to be back in theatres I said that we had to go. Laura and I started a tradition a few years back that we go to the movies on christmas day night... however last year christmas fell on a sunday so we didnt get to go. But this year we reinstated the tradition and went. I forgot how grea that movie was!

When we got home from the movies we had our dessert. I was in charge of getting/making it and seeing that Im not really that big on baking or cooking I went across the street and got a DQ Ice Cream cake... the lady at the counter was rather confused by what I wanted written on it. I dont think she understood what East Coast meant because she had to clarify 3 times that that was in fact what I wanted on the cake. I was trying really hard not to laugh at her. The saddest part about the cake was that when it came time to eat it I just wasnt that hungry so I didnt even finish my piece. It broke my heart in a lot of ways because this is my favorite cake.
I think that maybe it was because of the fact that I was actually quite nervous about the boy coming over. A lot of you know that I have a lot of issues opening up and letting my walls down, and I also seem to attach myself to the most wrong for me type of guys and this seriously terrifies me beyond anything that words can describe. I attached myself to someone for 2 and a half years and I fell so unbelievably in love with him. Yes love should be a good thing but in this case, little by little it was destroying me because he was never ever going to commit to me the way that I was in many ways committed to him. It didnt help that he was/is one of my best friends. Hes knows everything about me and he is one person I always want to talk to when things either go bad or go really good for me. It has taken me a long time to let myself get over him and just let the friendship remain and it feels great. But this has left a giant wall up around me. I dont want to get into another situation where I am stuck wasting time on someone who will never want me back the way that I want them, and someone who isnt willing to give us a chance. Again there are many walls that are up around me because of things that have happened in the past on many different occaisions with different people, and for the first time in a very long time I am letting some of them down. Again this isnt easy for me at all. This has got to be one of the most scary things that I have ever had to do in my life. I think I would rather have to get needles than open up the way that people want me to. Thats saying something because needles are my BIGGEST fear. Theres something about opening up to those who are close to me that just scares me so much. It puts me in a position where I feel naked and vulnerable and when Im in this position it is so much easier to get hurt, and the last thing that I want is to get hurt. I've been really hurt before and I felt as if I wanted to die, and the last thing I want is to feel that way again.
For some reason though, I feel as if I need to open up more with this person. Even though there have been many times where my initial instinct is to get the hell out of here and run for my life, I just cant seem to do that. Some people think that I need to be cautious, which I will be, but I cant seem to break away from the what could be. Something is keeping me right where I am, and as much as it's so scary for me, I know that its really good for me. Who knows if this is just to prepare me for something else that will come my way, but I know that this will help me grow and help make it easier for me to take the walls down at a later time.
2013 is coming up quick, and I am seriously so excited for the new year to start!!! There are many good things that this year will bring and its made me more excited to say goodbye to 2012.
2012 had what seems like more downs than up, and it has also presented me with many personal challenges and struggles that have literally torn me down in many ways. I'm ready to say farewell!
This coming year is bringing lots of things that are going to make me happy!
January 11th-21st I will be home in Halifax! I seriously cannot begin to express how excited I am to just go home and relax and see all my friends and family. It is going to be a great time to just reflect on what may come after I get home.
I will also be fully transitioned into my new position at work!! This is something I am more than excited about because it is a great career move within the company and it can help further me at a later date if ever want to move up. Because I am the person that I am, I want to move up and learn all that I can. I think that this company can help with that and it seriously isn't going to just be another job that I have, this is where my career will start!!
Now this is also going to help me get what I want the most right now... I want a car!! Seriously its a big thing for me! I have never had my own car and I need to get one. It will give me a different type of freedom that I never had before. I am just dying to get one!! I dont want a brand new car because they are too expensive and because the moment you drive it off the lot is depreciates in value by 5,000$ and I think that a gently used car is just as good as a new one. I dont want to buy outright because that will take forever to save up the money so I want to finance one. That is the next thing on my list... Now all I need to do is actually do it! I may need some help trying to pick one out because I suck at all things cars! I pretty much know nothing about them.
Now... 2013 will bring on something I dont really want it to... I turn 26 in less than 5 months and that is scary for me! But hey, with how things could possibly turn out, it could make 26 a pretty great year for me! *Fingers Crossed*
Now... on June 22nd there is someone who is coming to Canada... I wish she was coming to Calgary but shes not. She will be in Winnepeg and I will be too!! Laura and I are going to Taylor Swift!!!! I saw her in the fall of 2007 when she opened for Brad Paisley along with Rodney Atkins. I have never seen her headline a tour before and because I am just oh so in love with her, and because she seems to write every song about my own life and I cannot wait to hear them live and scream and go crazy!!!
Her opening act is Ed Sheeran who I am also so excited to see! He has some really great songs and I know that this trip is going to be great!!!
Now this is just the first 6 months of 2013... who knows what the other 6 months will bring! I am excited for all of the things unfold and see how certain things play out!!!
So 2012, Im sorry but I am more than ready to say goodbye to you!! You've been some what of a good year, but I think that 2013 will bring more surprises and many great memories!!!!

*I got all pictures from Laura... I dont have a computer of my own yet... It's awaiting me in Halifax*

Monday, December 10, 2012

Who Would Have Thought!?

On Thursday night Cortney was in town and staying at my place because she was going to a wedding... who gets married on a Thursday!? These people did, and as long as you're happy and all the important people can make it who cares what day it's on!

Having Cort in town meant that I would have to give up my weekend rutual of being lazy and staying in comfy clothes, which sometimes mean wearing a bathingsuit top because I don't feel like putting on a bra. Im just being honest, I dont like bras most days. But that is besides the point...
So Cortney on friday wanted to do something, and since Im broker than broke at this very moment I said I couldn't really do much that required money... In case you are wondering why that is, it's because when you dont have the money to do things people wont let you do them. Unfortunately nothing in life is ever reall free these days.
I suggested that we go to a movie because I had enough scene points to get a free movie! Yay for me and my obsession with movies.
So we went and saw "Silver Linnings Playbook"

Ok, So Bradley Cooper can marry me whenever he wants because I am more than willing to be attached to that man for the rest of my life!! Love Him!!
Not only is he EXTREMELY attractive in every way possible, he is a great actor.
Jennifer Lawrence, mostly known for her role in "The Hunger Games" and "X-Men: First Class" surprised me. I didn't expect her to be as convincing as she was. I don't want to go into too much detail for those of you who want to see it. But she is playing a bit of a "crazy" person and she does a great job and I was very impressed. Overall I was very impressed with the movie. If you dont mind swearing then I would suggest seeing it. But if a lot of swearing bothers you, then I wouldnt go see it.

So after the movie we heard that there was a party going on that was a christmas dance party, and being myself and Cortney, we both LOVE dancing and were quite excited about going to it. So we get ready and we tried to look semi decent and get to where this party was being held, come to find out it was a social gathering with people performing... aka a christmas talent show. The best thing was that I got to see people I havent seen in a long time. It was funny because before we left Cortney was saying she was worried people would think her make up was over the top, and I told her not to worry about it because people would be more shocked to see me out of the house haha which was quite true. Some people didnt know what to make of it.

So after a night of restless sleep because someone snored all night, we got up and I was dragged to the Calgary Farmers Market for a little bit, and then Cortney had to meet up with some people to practice a dance routine she is supposed to do in the new year. So I sat there and watched with intimidation because I cannot pick up coreography like she can and I cant dance like she can either. I tend to feel really self concious around people who are so good at things and it makes it harder for me to get out of my shell.
So Cortney found out about this UofC latin dance club things that hold dances every month at this community hall, and anyone can go but its cheaper if you're a member of the club. I guess a lot of members go because in the western parts of Canada the youth learn such dances, where as in the eastern parts we dont. Therefore I am wildly untalented in that area.

I wouldnt mind looking like the people in the video below. That would be nice, but that would mean a lot of practice and money to spend on those classes and I dont really have the time or the money to do it.

A night out with Cortney woudnt be the same if there wasnt some sort of a picture taken, and being the typical girls that we are we took it in the bathroom.

The reaminder of the night was spent by Cortney dancing with some guy she met there and me sitting on the side with some of the people Cortney already knew. I ended up talking to this one guy for about a half hour or more before the dance was done (it was over at 2am) and he said he was going to Mcdonalds afterwards. Then as the dance ended Cort suggested that I go with this guy to just hang out... I said ok. So we went to the Mcdonalds on 17th ave... Let me tell you right now... SKETCHIEST MCDONALDS EVER!!  We went to the Mcdonalds and I didnt want anything so he was the only one who got something to eat, and we ended up just talking. Before we knew it, it was after 5am and we said we would leave at 530. Then as the conversation continued we lost track of time and it was then 630. We said we would leave in a few minutes, but again we just kept talking and didnt leave until 8am. So I didnt get home until close to 830 and needless to say, there was no way I was waking up in an hour to get ready for church.
I think after everything was said and done I had a pretty good weekend, and even though I was way out of my comfort zone I had a good time.
This weekend I was grateful for my friends and the impact they have on my life, and I am so happy that they are apart of who I am and apart of my growing process.
I still can't wait to go home in January. Its going to be so great to see so many people that I have been missing so much over the last little while.

Well happy monday to you all even though I feel half alive after the lack sleep on my part!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Christmas Shopping Blues

I love Christmas, I really do. I may not show in the ways of some people like crazy decorating. But I love spending time with those I love and I love knowing that whatever I have given those people has made them happy in some way.
Now I have the hardest time shopping for other people. I wish it were just simple like it used to be when we were kids in school and would just make a random craft to give to our parents. I was never the overly crafty one, but I know that my parents always loved what I gave them because it came from the heart and I made it.
This year I'm finding it rather difficult to get into the shopping spirit. Maybe its because I procrastinated like I always do or it's because I've spent some money on myself this year and so that mixed with bills have just made me want to scream!
Now my trips that I've spent money on were: I rented a car to go to Edmonton because there were people I wanted to see and because I just needed a break for a few days. So this trip wasn't just for me, but for my sanity and for my friends who I havent seen in years. All around it was great trip and it gave me the boost I was looking for.
The other trip that I paid for is a trip home in January. This one I am more than just little excited about. The last time I was home was in July and it was only for 2.5 days for my brothers wedding. Yes it was great time being with family, but it was so rushed and jam packed with things that I didnt really get a chance to visit and do things. So I thought I would take the opportunity to go home when a seat sale arose, and it did so I booked it and I cannot wait to get home and see so many people and just have a good time. This trip is going to give me the boost that I need and it cannot come soon enough.
So these 2 trips are what is costing me money and making me hate shopping for people. Now I can shop for the people who live close to me because that can be done up until the last shopping day if I desire, but its the people who live back home that I'm having issues with.
Josh and Lyla will be easy, but its really my parents I have no sweet clue as to what I can get them.
What do you get people who have everything already and wont tell you what they want!? It's so frustrating when they tell you to make a list but they aren't willing to do the same.
I did come up with a great idea for them, but then I realized that it would be more than 300$ and yes I love my parents but thats getting a little pricey if I do say so myself.
So I guess its back to the drawing board for me!
Keep your fingers crossed that I come up with something thats semi good and that I get it all done before I have to spend extra to get it there in time.

Monday, November 5, 2012

"Everything has Changed"

By the title of this blog, which are lyrics from the Taylor Swift album "Red", you can probably tell that Im going to be writing about changes in my life.
There have been quite a few as of late.
Recently 2 of closest friends got married and I couldnt be happier for them. Their happiness means the world to me.
This has brought on many changes, I dont have any close friends left really. I dont have much of a life, and Im sure if I made more of an effort on some occasions I would, but in all honesty right now Im not motivated enough to try. The things that used to make me happy no longer do.
I have been dreaming of home lately a lot, and missing all of my friends from there. No they weren't from the same "crowd" as me, but they were great friends who understood me and were accepting of who I was and that was everything I needed from them. Some people just arent as understanding as I would hope, but thats ok.
I've been wondering why I live in Calgary a lot lately.
Yes I love my job a lot and that is great. I love IKEA and I love that Im so close to Laura. But my question is, is it enough?
Its funny because when I lived in edmonton I moved home after 14 months of living there, and I have just surpassed that mark here in Calgary.
I guess its just hard being here and not having things be the way I thought it would be.
If I were to ever move home I dont know how I would handle that. I love my family a lot but I dont love that if I were closer I think some people would try to control my life in some aspects, and I dont want to disappoint those I love. At least living here they cant see my disappointments.
I've gone through a lot over this last year and it has taken a toll on me, but I think that I have handled things in an ok way. I've gotten passed a lot of it, but there are somethings that still haunt me, but I'm sure that those things will haunt me for a long time. I'm over it for the most part.
Im dying to go home for a visit and Im hoping that this will make me remember why I wanted to live in Calgary and that I will be dying to get back here, but I dont know.
Its frustrating me thinking about how much I actually miss it there. I dont think Halifax has a lot to offer me but I know that I have more friends there than I do here, and thats a big factor for me.
I dont do well alone and right now I feel alone.
Everything has changed...

Friday, June 22, 2012

I Work Out!

Laura the other day came home and said that she found someone who had the work out videos "Insanity" and that she uploaded them to her computer and that she was going to try it out. I had heard of this before and I heard that it was CRRRRRAAAAAZZZZZYYYY!!!
Well let me tell you this... IT IS!
Laura did the Day 1 fit test and told me that I should try it. So when I got home from work I thought about it and decided that I would give it a go.
It was crazy! I couldnt do a whole lot of everything but I pushed myself to do as much as I could. Yesterday was Day 2 and well, Kayla had a good laugh because I was yelling and looked ridiculous! Today I am so sore, but in the end I know that it will be worth it.
If you dont know what this is, here is a video!

Since getting my new job, which I love and has made me so happy, I have put on a few pounds. Now Im not saying that I am by any means fat, but there are some problem areas that I have. I had issues with my weight when I was in Junior High and High Shcool, but when I moved to Edmonton I lost a bunch of weight and felt good about myself. Heres the thing that not a lot of people know, after I lost a lot of weight because I couldnt afford food I got scared that I would put the weight back on because I finally could afford to get real groceries. This fear that I had kept me from eating. I chose not to eat a whole lot because I didnt want to gain the weight back. I made sure that I didnt eat some days because of this reason. I was stupid and not a smart eater.  Over the last few years I got better at actually eating and I put on a few pounds, but nothing too drastic because I was always on my feet all day and there was a time where I would run a few times a week. When I hurt my knee I stopped running but again because of where I worked I stayed pretty active everyday. Now at RECA I sit for about 97% of my day and when you sit and arent overly busy you start to snack. Now this is NOT a good thing to do. I have put on weight in areas I never thought possible. Im not saying I want to lose a lot of weight, but a few pounds would be nice and I want to tone my body. I think that the tonning part will help out with all the other areas that I seem to be having issues with lately.
This is all why I want to continue doing Insanity. Yes it is nice to look good when I go out or wear a certain outfit, and Yes it does feel great when you go into a store and you fit into a size that you deam acceptable. But for me its not all about the looking good part. Its more about feeling good with your body. I want to wake up in the morning and not think "Oh man I am a fatty cakes today" or "I wish I felt better about myself". I want to wake up in the morning knowing that I am doing something about the way I feel about myself, and be proud of who I am. Now Im not saying I want to be size 2 but I do want to feel confortable in whatever size I wear and I think that by doing this I will accomplish that goal.
Plus Lauras wedding is coming up in a few months and I want to look good!!
So today I am sore, but am proud of myself for doing this.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Monday, Monday, Monday

Today I woke up with many things on my mind. And They are all things that I am grateful for so I thought that I would take the time to share them with you as well! : )

First off, pretty much every morning I wake up and think about if I have fed my bunny the night before or not. Now this bunny is my first pet besides the 2 fish I had for a few months years ago, and I dont think that they really count. My bunnies name is whatever you want to call him because I just call him Bunny, Laura calls him Willie, and Kayla (who is allergic) calls him Hey Man. Then there is Michelle, who met him for the first time on Saturday night and the first thing she said to me was "Is this what having a child is like!? Instant Love!??" Im not sure if it is the exact same, but he is quite loveable!
When I face timed Lyla so that she could meet "Nessa's Pet" I asked her what she wanted to name him and at first she said Lyla, but I informed her it was a boy so she said Fayad! That is the name of her little friend from pre school. I thought it was random and funny that she would pick that name out of all of them.

I also woke up wishing it were October already because I am more than excited about going to Carrie Underwood and Justin Bieber! These are 2 concerts I have been wanting to see for a long time now and the fact that I now live in a Province that gets good concerts makes me more than delighted!!! I am also happy that Laura will be attending these with me!!! It is going to be a blast!!!! : )

So I am starting a not so real countdown, and by that I mean that I really have no sweet clue how many days are actually left. But I know that its only a few weeks away until Jeremy and Kim get married! I am so excited to go home and see my family and be apart of this day. Its going to be a super quick trip but it will be well worth it. I love Kim! She is great! I like knowing that I was the first person in my family (besides Jeremy of course) to have met her! Some times is pays off living some what close to my brother!

Now onto the countdown that I am not looking forward to AT ALL! So there are only about 4 days left living with Kayla and well I am not happy about it at all. I met Kayla at EFY in 2010 and we were roommates second week. Now Im not saying we became BFF's right away, but there was a friendship developed and we kept some what in contact over the next year and then this past summer at EFY we got even closer and I told her she needed to move to Calgary and well, after about a month of convincing her to do so, she did! We have become quite close and share many similarities in our personalities and share many of the same interests in a variety of things. I know that she will only be about an 8 hour drive away but thats a pretty far drive for just a visit, especially because our rooms were next to each other so when I wanted to hang out I just had to knock on her door. I have a few close friends, and it worries me that the distance will hinder our friendship, and I dont want that to happen because I like having her as a friend. She has become one of my very best friends and I dont want her to leave. Odds are this weekend I will cry when I have to say goodbye to her, and so thats going to suck. It feels so weird knowing that she will be moving away.  

Well to end things off I just want to say that I am greatful for all of the things listed above (except for the whole Kayla moving part). I have seen a lot of good changes in my life over the past little while and for that I am also greatful. I am working hard at making my life the best that it can be and even though there are times when it seems impossible, I know that it can happen and it will, and for that I am also greatful. I have seen many blessings in my life and I know that without the Lords help and the help of 2 very close friends I wouldnt be where I am right now.
I am Happy!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Oh My Gosh! I Have A Life!???

There have been many days where I have wished that I had a life. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to take it easy and just do nothing on the weekends, but there have been many times when I just wished I had something to do or people to hang out with. Well, last week my friend Jon told about how there was a "Mid Singles Conference" happening on the weekend and that I should go. I IMMEDIATELY dismissed the idea because 1. The age limit was 27 and 2. I was NOT ready to accept the whole "mid singles" title. I made the mistake of telling Jon that if he would go swimming last Wednesday that I would go to the activity on the Friday... Of course he showed up. I was little disappointed that he actually did because I am never one to back down from a promise that has been made.
So onto Friday, Kayla was going to Medicine Hat and since I dont have my own car, She left hers to ensure that I didnt have any reason to not go to the Conference. Looking back on everything that has happened over the weekend I am more than glad that she did leave me her car.
Friday night there was a mix n mingle section and then they did... SPEED DATING! hahahaha
I was happy because they made the girls get paired up into twos and my friend Kara was in town for the same thing so we paired up together. Then the "dating" started. They made the guys rotate from room to room, and there were 2 girls to 1 guy and that is why the girls got paired up.
At one point Kara had to go to the bathroom and I was left alone to deal with the upcoming "dates" and I wasnt sure how I felt about the whole situation yet so I wasnt too pleased about being alone at this point. One guy came through and immediately the conversation just flowed. It was light hearted and funny. When the lights flickered to signal the rotation he and I kept talking but it wasnt fair to the next people so we ended the conversation. Over the remainder of the activity all I wanted to do was talk to this guy again. I wasnt sure why but I just really wanted to talk more with this guy. It didnt help that he wouldnt tell me where he was from so I just HAD to know.
After waiting around with Kara in hopes of me making enough of a first impression that he would want to talk to me too, He and his friend finally made their way towards me.
Me being the stupid girl that I am I got a little giddy, but I didnt let it show.
After talking for a bit we decided that we were all hungry and didnt want to call it a night just yet, so we decided a little late night eating was in order. We went to BP's and it was a fun night full of whitty banter and comical conversation. I was in heaven. I felt at ease around people I didnt really know that well, and I was also just having a good time. For once I was doing something for me and only me and I was having a good time.
So this boy ended up wanting to hang out a little more and he came and hung out at my house and we just spent hours talking and it was nice to just be in my own element and not have to worry about the thoughts of others around me and be able to be myself. I have issues trying to be myself around people for fear of judgment and not being good enough. I have many insecurities and hate feeling vulnerable so I dont let myself be open very often or easily. But with the conversation that was being had I found myself being more open than I intended to be. I didnt spill out my life story but I still let myself relax a little more than what is normal for me.
So after great conversation and very little sleep, Saturday rolled around and I found myself with a slight crush and really excited to attend the dance!
The dance was pretty good considering I didnt have any real "girl" friends to dance with but I made the most of it and had a good time.
I got to dance with this boy to the first dance and it was nice being able to dance with someone that I didnt have to ask to dance with. Boys are clueless some times and they dont see that girls want to dance with them. This boy however is not like the others. It was refreshing.
After the dance we hung out and again very little sleep was had but I was left feeling even more interested than before.
Sunday came and so did church. It was fun because we had the meetings in where EFY had classes and it brought back a lot of memories and it made me feel as if I needed to tell people to shut up haha.
After church there was a BBQ and there were stolen glances from across the room, little touches as we passed each other, lame excuses of needing help. All in all it was a good day. Again that night there was very little sleep but it was worth it.
I couldnt sleep that night becaus I had a horrible headache and it just wasnt letting up. It didnt help that I didnt eat anything that day and barely anything the day before. This has started talk amoung the guys thinking that I have an eating disorder... I DO NOT! Sometimes you feel as if you are hungry but then food just isnt appealing and you lose your appetite.
I saw the guys again Monday night, but there was some girl who was around and like I said before, I am done competing for someone. Im tired of having to fight when in the end I wont get what I want especially in this case because this guy doesnt live in Calgary. He is from Toronto but lives in Austrailia. Not fair! I am the one who always fall for the guys who are either Jerks, Unavailable emotionally, not interested, or dont live anywhere near me. Yup! just my luck.
But the point to this story being told is the fact that for the first time in a long time, I have had a great weekend and I did it all on my own. I didnt have to go out with my roommates to have a good time. I got to have a life all on my own and I am more than happy that I did.
25 is starting to look up after all!! : )

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Re- Vamp!

ok! So im sitting at work right now... its not that busy so i thought i would take the time to write a little something.
2012 is the year to which i will re-vamp almost everything.. well maybe re-vamp isnt the right word but there is so much that i want to do this year, and well i have already started the process of the changes i wanted to undergo to make this year an unforgetable one.
so my list went as follows:
1. Get a new phone!
2.Cut off all my hair because its been long for what seems like forever now
3.Go back to brown to see if i like it better
4.Get a new Job
5.Get a car
6.Get my very own computer
7.Get a bunny!!!
8.Re Do my blog/maintain a consitent updating pattern
9.Be happy!
10.Travel some place ive never been before (preferably some place hot!)

So, I have accomplished 1-3 thus far and well as of right now im pretty pleased with myself.
But as far as my hair goes, i do like it brown but right now its just getting boring, so this weekend i am cutting it shorter and going back to blond! it should be interesting. this is going to be the shortest ive ever had my hair, but im excited for the change.

So in keeping with my whole changes theme, the link below is for TuPac's video changes. Some times im a little ghetto, but hey i like the song!

Have a good weekend and Happy Easter!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Ready for a long one???

Oh Gosh where on earth do i begin... that is something i am not sure of.
i wish i could just upload a million pictures, because i havent uploaded a single one since moving here... not even on facebook!!! shocking i know! but that is because i dont own a computer that i can call mine... that is on the list of things to accomplish in the year 2012. but that list is something that i will get to later on...
So let me just see what i can do here to recall everything that has happened in the last ohhh 8 months now...
Ok!!! July i moved here to calgary... which is something that i briefly talked about in my last post... ohhh that is also another story that i will have to touch base on.
So the rest of july wasn't that eventful seeing that i moved out here pretty much at the end of the month... so there wasnt much to say other than the fact i slept on my fouton in the living room for a while haha yes the living room (dont worry that has since changed!)
August came and of course like the little addict i am i went to EFY... it was ok. Again another shocking comment coming from me seeing how much i love efy, but the thing is, this year i just about had a enough and at the end of week 2 i broke up with efy! yes that is correct, i ended things. I actually have decided that i am done with doing efy even though i technically could still do 1 more year, i just dont want to.
towards the end of August is when life started to actually pick up i guess... well i guess thats just when i was actually able to start having a life in a way... not that my life is any where near exciting, but hey its my life and well its finally starting!
So august is when i met a boy... Now i'm sure you are all thinking, finally! haha well if only it were that easy. lets just say, because it was me who liked a boy obviously he wasnt a nice guy. well after all was said and done, things did not turn out the way i wanted them to, and me being who i am, was left crying... yes i cry a lot we all know this haha
september came and went with not a whole lot going on. i pretty much spent the entire month trying convince my friend kayla to move from regina out here. i also worked a lot as well... old navy didnt take long until they made me their slave!! even though work sucked i was still falling more in love with calgary than i already was, and enjoying the fact that i was no longer on the east coast... no offence to the east coast, but this place is better!
during the time i was trying to convince kayla to move out here i did a great job and she did in fact move here! i was more than excited to see her and have her live out here... i adore that little girl! she is grand!
At the end of september i did something i always wanted to do but never thought i would actually do it.... I GOT A PASSPORT AND WENT TO UTAH! yes, i vanessa, traveled in a car with both laura and kayla to utah for conference! my heart was full of joy and happiness!!! it was so amazing! the conference center itself just blew my mind and filled me with such peace.
while in utah i was able to see the sights and shop and visit with some people that i knew... but there was one in particular that i was more than happy about seeing... haha yes that person was a boy! surprise surprise! first off before i say anything about this particular boy, there was another that i thought i would try to see while i was there, and some of you may know who i mean when i say Austin Hart! well, after years of random texting after his mission in halifax, where we met and i fell madly in like with the guy, i decided to send this boy a text and let him know i was in utah and see if he wanted to get together. there had been countless days where i would dream about how our reunion would go, and every time i dreamt it up, i always left him wishing he had come back for me but now i wasnt going to give him the chance... well lets just say that our encounter did not go as i had always dreamed it would. it went as follows (via text)
Me: Hey! hows it going?
Him: good! how are you?
Me: Doing good just in utah for the next few days actually.
Him: thats cool. what are your plans while you're here?
Me: I came for conference and am just touring around.
Him: Sounds fun. I would say lets meet up for lunch or something but i dont think my wife would appreciate that!...
the rest of conversation really doesnt matter because well HE HAS A WIFE!!! i was shocked! he was the one person i actually never saw getting married until he was well into his 30's. I was blown away. I cant even explain to you the shock that came over me. how dare he get married before me!! (thats generally my thought for anyone i know who gets married before me, no offence)
well after that shocking news i made plans with another person that i knew in utah, who also was a boy, the one i mentioned being excited to see... James Baker.. or as some may remember him Elder Baker.
we have kept in contact over the last few years since he served his mission in halifax (yes there is a pattern here... me and missionaries... i think i have a problem)well i had informed him that i would be in utah and since we had always talked about hanging out if i ever came to town, i thought that it would be a good thing seeing that i was in fact in town.
that night laura and kayla both had their double date planned and i had plans with baker... now laura being the gem that she is lent me her car so i could drive and see him... before i even left the house and the whole time i was driving i was praying like a mad woman that nothing would happen and that i wouldnt crash her car... seeing that i am still alive today my prayers were answered!! yay for me!
so i went to hang out with baker at about 730pm... when i arrived back at the place i was staying it was about 730am... i did the walk of shame to the house i was staying at, and the door was actually locked and they had to open it to let me in... not my finest moment... but that night was actually quite funny because i met up with him at BYU and we decided to go out for ice cream. after we sat and caught up on everything he wanted to show me around the campus a bit so we went on a little tour. after going on campus we decided to take a little drive... he took me to the Y look out!!! no nothing happened there but it was funny because we for sure saw a lot of people hooking up, and i knew thats what he was trying to get at but there was no way i would allow myself to be a cliche. the best part was that when we went back to his place one of his roommates came home who was on a date. baker asked him how the date went and what they did on this date, and his date went as followed:
First Stop: Ice Cream
Second Stop: Tour of BYU campus
Third Stop: Look Out

the only difference was that i made it back to their place and this chick didnt. but its good to know if you go on a date with someone from that house then you know what to expect.
well baker and i just sat up and talked all night and had fun hanging out. no i did not kiss him even though he wanted to, i stood my ground and said no... i regret saying no now looking back on it hahaha
well thats pretty much how october started, and by mid october it was settled that we were moving out of our house at the end of the month and we couldnt be happier about it.
well, november came and we moved into our new house with Kayla. It made my heart happy knowing that myself, laura and kayla would have a grand ol time living together. the house is perfect and i love it so much!
December meant it was christmas time and well neither myself or laura were going back home for it so we decided to have an east coast holiday complete with michelle! considering it was just the 3 of us our tree was surrounded with presents!! i havent had a christmas tree that full since i was probably 10 years old and thats for a family of 5. i felt blessed over the holidays.
I got to see a good friend of mine as well right after the new year and that made my heart so happy. he is my best friend so it was great!
So remember that guy from the summer?? well for some reason i let him resurface along with his brother... not quite sure why, but it happened. He and his brother were hanging out one night at our place with myself and kayla and well things just got a little crazy i guess. i let him kiss me again, and well i remembered then why i hated kissing him before even though the first time i liked him.. this time i was just bored and lonely, and he was there so i thought why not... well NEVER AGAIN! then about 2 days later we were hanging out at their place and this time his brother kissed me! like for reals!!! hes not only the better looking one of the two but he is also the better kisser. i had always wanted to kiss him so i was totally all for it... now even though he was the better kisser of the 2 thats not saying much! no offence to him, but i have had some pretty decent kisses in my day and well he was just... ok, nothing special. I have come to learn that i like consistent kisses... not like being kissed constantly, but the familiarity of it. like always being able to kiss the same guy because you like it and you know what to expect and its just nice... now how often to get the consistent side of things??? not very often, but when i do it just melts my heart!!!
so after January came February... this month has been my favorite yet most hated month yet. I surprised my family and went home for about a week. it was great!!!
I called my parents thursday night and casually talked about their weekend plans to see if my surprise plan would actually work. I flew over night and rented a car so that i would have some mode of transportation and not have to worry about driving my mother to and from work... anyway, friday morning when i got into town at 545am i went and picked up my car and drove to my friend megans house to see her and to waste time. after catching up with her i went to my moms work. She works on the third floor and i went up the stairs and slowly rounded the corner... now remember, the last time my mom saw me my hair was way long and way blond. now it was a lot shorter and natural color. when i slowly rounded the corner my mom looked up and looked away, then looked back up and then her jaw just dropped! her words were "what are you doing here??? how did you get here?? we just talked to you last night!?" i explained to her that i had the ticket booked for a while but i didnt want to let anyone know because surprising people is more fun. i also explained to her the concept of air planes and how they do in fact travel across the country overnight.. who would have thunk it!?
after visiting with mother dearest i went to the mall to kill time before i would see my dad because he still didnt know that i was in town. i went to old navy to visit some people for a little while, which was was just great!! talking and catching up with them just made my heart so happy. i had missed everyone so much, especially because the store i worked at here was run by an big butt head!!! (im trying to be nice about it) well, the best part of my surprises was surprising my dad!!! i love that man. i miss him all the time and i just think hes great! well, i went home to my house in eastern passage and i rang the doorbell. I waited for my dad to open the door. my back was to him so he couldnt see me in the windows as he came down the stairs. when he opened the door it took him a moment to realize that it was in fact me who was standing there. when he did realize that it was me he started to giggle like a little kid. it melted my heart (i say that a lot because it happens a lot). I gave him a big hug and then he proceeded to say "what are you doing here??? how did you get here?? we just talked to you last night!?" ... seriously does no one in NS realize that planes do in fact run overnight!? So my dad ever so kindly invited me in to sit down and chat (even if he didnt invite me in i was going in anyway!) after which i took a nap for about an hour or so. then i started getting ready for the evening because i had plans with some old friends of mine who i used to work with. I also wanted to go see my brother who still didnt know i was coming... oh i forgot to say that when i got to the house and went down to my old room i came to realize that my bed was no longer there, but that it infact had been replaced with toddler size DORA bed!! so i was destined for the couch! ... ok, back to my brother. I drove over to his house and from outside i took a picture of his car and sent it to him. his reponse was, "are you outside my house right now?" and i told him to look out his door. he came out of his apartment with the cutest child ever and came running to the door... when he asked lyla who i was she goes "i dont know?" that broke my heart a little, but again it was ok because i did look different from the last time she saw me, so it was all good. i still love her. the next day josh actually had lyla talking to julia and told her to tell mommy who came to see her and lyla goes "nessa came, but its a new nessa" haha that girl just melts my heart!!
so back to friday night, i went out with some of my old friends, and i actually convinced jake to come out as well... for those of you who dont know or dont remember who jake is, he was my driving instructor who i was totally head over heals for! He was a hoot to hang out with and im glad that i got to see him because well i've always held a little torch for that boy haha that night is the reason i hate february so much, but thats a completely different thing and also not something im quite ready to discuss yet... anyways hanging with my friends was great! i miss them all so much. i kind of forgot how many friends i actually did have living back home, but i know for a fact that if i had stayed and hung out with them all the time then my life would be a complete mess. nothing against them at all, but i just know what would have happened because well, it happened once before and that wasnt a pretty picture at all.
so saturday my brother and i spent some quality time together and we went to the movies where a guy got up from his seat and passed out right in the middle of the theater... nope not a good thing, but the movie was great and we got free movie passes because of it! so thank you buddy for passing out and still being ok!!
sunday i went to the branch. it was weird being back and it was also so small!!! i forgot how small it actually was. it was nice seeing some familiar faces but at the same time, being there just dragged me down. i got to see some people who i was just overly excited to see... the schows!!! david and jessica are 2 of some of my most favorite people i know. they were the best part of that branch!! there were many times when they would just say something so simple and it would impact me in such a way i cant even explain it. they are great!! i love that entire family!!
Sunday evening i got to meat little miss olivia!! so precious and cute and i could just eat her up!! she was all smiles when i was there so it was just great! after meeting her, i babysat lyla who was just going to bed at the time but was just hilarious. the things that come out of her mouth just baffel me! i love that kid more than i can say.
The rest of my trip was me pretty much just hanging out with some friends and family and having a nice trip.
when i went home to visit i was scared that the same thing would happen to me that happened when i lived in edmonton... when i went home to visit while living in edmonton i got home sick, and to ad onto other things that were going on in my life, it made me move back home. this time around however, i was able to go home and come back and not feel the same way i did before. i still love calgary! and i am happy living here.
So also living here is my friend leah from back home and she works for a place called, Real Estate Council of Alberta. She informed me that a job opening had come up and that i should apply. i didnt and missed the cut off date for the applications. but i guess that the people they interviewed werent what they were looking for, and so leah told me to apply. so i did and within 5 days i had a phone interview, an in person interview, and then was offered the job not even 2 hours later.
Yes that is correct old navy is history!! and i am so happy!! i love my job and i get my evenings and weekends now. not that i have much of a life but i still get to go out if i want and i know what my days are going to be like. its great.
Now old navy tried to screw me over. i went in to get my final pay which would have 40hours of work plus whatever over time i did, plus my 30 hours of vacation pay out. well when i got the check it was only for my vacation pay out... so i was as little confused because well thats less than half of what i was supposed to get altogether. no assitant managers or store manager was there for me to talk to about it so i got the employee services number and called them... well of course they only work 8-5 and it was after 5 so i couldnt figure things out just yet. the next morning i emailed kurt (SM) to tell him what was going on and to let him know that i didnt believe it was a mistake on employee services end but on his end... on a side note, i hate that man and everyone but him and the ASM knew about it and on my last day he was a complete dill hole and i emailed our district manager, who i had worked with before in NS and i told her pretty much everything that was going on with him. well im pretty sure she told him because he started questioning the other managers asking if they knew that i had an issue with him.... well this started to make me think that he did it on purpose. then when i didnt hear back from the email it made me believe it even more. well i called employee services on my lunch and asked them what was going on and they looked everything up, and when they pulled up my file they said that whoever terminated me out of the system did not put in any of my working hours. i was not impressed at all because thats about 700$ before tax that i was missing. So i got a reference number and i texted Kurt and i literally told him that he had to call employee services before 5pm and get it all squared away and that i would be coming in after work and i wanted to get paid out of the till. his repsonse to that was ok. not a sorry for that or anything. which now made me believe it even more. then when i went in to pick up my money, he didnt come out of the office. he made the specialist give me the money and he was rude to me as well... whoch he had no right to be. Just think, if i hadnt have fought it, they would have kept my money.
well now i am at my new job and I LOVE IT! i am happy.
My life is pretty boring lately but i would rather be happy and bored than be annoyed/angry/upset/unhappy and bored which is what i was.
well speaking of working, im at work right now and i should finally post this. i've been writing it all week whenever i have a little down time.
hopefully i wont take a MILLION years to write again, and hopefully some time soon, maybe when my taxes are done i will FINALLY buy a computer!!
Here's to hoping!