Monday, November 5, 2012

"Everything has Changed"

By the title of this blog, which are lyrics from the Taylor Swift album "Red", you can probably tell that Im going to be writing about changes in my life.
There have been quite a few as of late.
Recently 2 of closest friends got married and I couldnt be happier for them. Their happiness means the world to me.
This has brought on many changes, I dont have any close friends left really. I dont have much of a life, and Im sure if I made more of an effort on some occasions I would, but in all honesty right now Im not motivated enough to try. The things that used to make me happy no longer do.
I have been dreaming of home lately a lot, and missing all of my friends from there. No they weren't from the same "crowd" as me, but they were great friends who understood me and were accepting of who I was and that was everything I needed from them. Some people just arent as understanding as I would hope, but thats ok.
I've been wondering why I live in Calgary a lot lately.
Yes I love my job a lot and that is great. I love IKEA and I love that Im so close to Laura. But my question is, is it enough?
Its funny because when I lived in edmonton I moved home after 14 months of living there, and I have just surpassed that mark here in Calgary.
I guess its just hard being here and not having things be the way I thought it would be.
If I were to ever move home I dont know how I would handle that. I love my family a lot but I dont love that if I were closer I think some people would try to control my life in some aspects, and I dont want to disappoint those I love. At least living here they cant see my disappointments.
I've gone through a lot over this last year and it has taken a toll on me, but I think that I have handled things in an ok way. I've gotten passed a lot of it, but there are somethings that still haunt me, but I'm sure that those things will haunt me for a long time. I'm over it for the most part.
Im dying to go home for a visit and Im hoping that this will make me remember why I wanted to live in Calgary and that I will be dying to get back here, but I dont know.
Its frustrating me thinking about how much I actually miss it there. I dont think Halifax has a lot to offer me but I know that I have more friends there than I do here, and thats a big factor for me.
I dont do well alone and right now I feel alone.
Everything has changed...

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