Ok... let me just say this is not an announcement. I am not pregnant, however baby no. 2 has been on my mind a lot lately. I spent a lot of the start of last year saying to myself "I'm not having anymore kids. One is enough!" then as a few months went by I decided that if I were to have another kid and it was a girl I would definitely be done! I stood by that for about a month maybe two then I was on the baby wagon or train and I wanted a baby badly. Now don't get me wrong I love Dominic and am very much attached to him but I really wanted another itty bitty baby around. I have jumped on and off of the train or wagon telling myself Dominic needs a sibling to play with then quickly whistling a different tune and saying that I am perfectly fine with one kid because Dominic is so perfect and amazing I cant imagine having another little person around. I have always said that I would never have an only child family, but the idea of it makes me think its ok. I think maybe I can wait a while before having another kid but I think about the fact that I am closer to my thirties than I am mid twenties and I don't have a lot of time to have more kids that would be optimal baby having years. I also think of my boss who is having her 6th baby and is in her 40's. Power to her for being able to do that because I don't think I could do it at that age. I want more kids I really do but I think I'm scared of not having the time or energy to spend with Dominic. I cannot express how much I love him or how much I miss him all day long, even when hes in bed I miss him. I have this irrational fear that I wont love another child as much as I love Dominic. I know this is crazy and not the case but I just cant shake this feeling that no other baby will be as good as Dominic. Im not sure if I am the only one out there who thinks this way but if I am please don't judge me.
I think about how Dominic is with me and other kids now and he tends to get a bit jealous, throw another kid into the mix who I need to tend to 24/7 and I'm sure that Dominic will be a hot mess. What if I don't have time for him? What if he doesn't like me anymore for it? What if he feels like he doesn't need me and stops cuddling with me? I cannot help but think about this all the time. Also if we were to have another kid Dominic will be around 2, give or take a few months, when we have it and I'm sure Dominic will be a crazier toddler than he is now. How will I cope with a terrible two year old and a new born???
I just cant help but think about these things, and I know I have probably talked about this before but when you start to think about when you are going to try for another you start to wonder what life will be like.
This is my life lately, it actually is stressing me out. I guess if the time is right and the lord thinks its a good time and that it should happen then it will happen. We said before that when we got married if we got pregnant then good and if not then ok... it only took one time and BAM Dominic was born (given the appropriate amount of gestation) and we know that he was meant to be and we are so happy about that. Life has not been the same since and if we have another kid then I know it will be another wonderful journey.