Friday night I had plans to go to this Open Mic Night for the YSA Welcome Week with my friend Jenn. However, Jenn bailed on me and I ended up staying home and waiting for Cortney to get there because she was staying the night. I got a text from Mr Man and he said that he wanted to hang out and wanted to have " a talk" later on. I was ok with this, yet I was a little nervous because I wasnt sure what this little chat was going to turn into. Im the type of person who always thinks the worst because then I dont get my hopes up, and if things are better than I anticipated then Im pleasently surprised. So obviously Im sitting at home thinking that everything is about to come to an end and that things arent going to go any further than what they have and that he is going to pull out the "lets be friends car."
Again, me being me, I made sure that my hair was done and make up was nice and that I wasnt over dressed but I also wasnt really casual looking either because I wanted to make an impression. I called it my "Pick Me" look or my "You're Gonna Miss Out" look.
Cortney was at the house and this kid cant seem to come over any time before 10pm so I knew that he wouldnt be at the house until later... 11:30pm is when he showed up... and Cortney being the nice friend she is slept on the fouton so that Mr Man and I could sit and chat in my room.
Well he came over and I was seriously so nervous. We talked to Cort for a few seconds and as she walked away he asked for a kiss... So this to me was a good sign. This meant that things were going in a good direction.
Heres where things got... well, things didnt change much. He sat down and he took my hand in his and he looked at me and said "I really hope I dont make you cry." Now these are not the words of a good conversation so immediately I start to panic a little because I do like this guy and I do want to be with him, and Im not ready to say goodbye just yet. He started to say somethings about how he doesnt want to rush things and that he doesnt want to hurt me and he doesnt want to get hurt himself, and I interject with a few words here and there and he then tells me Im not allowed to say anything at all. This is not easy for me because when someone is talking to me I always say a few words here or there to let them know that Im listening to what they are saying. Well he didnt like that too much so I literally held my lips shut with my free hand. He then went on to tell me that when I get back from being home he wants to date but to take it slow, and then in March he going home to visit and once he gets back he wants to get more serious. However, there is something he needs to do while hes there. Now this is something Im not going to go into detail about because people wont understand why Im willing to continue this with him. This is something I cannot explain. Ive thought a lot about this over the past few days and I know that right now, this is where Im supposed to be and I need to pursue things with him.
He said things to me that night that I never expected him to say, but I know that he would be good to me. Already he has been such a positive influence in my life and Ive only known him for about a month.
I cant explain the way he makes me feel, and I cant explain the reasoning behind the sacrifices Im willing to make to be with him, but I can tell you this; No matter the outcome of this whole situation I know that God led me to him at the moment when I needed him most.
Sometimes the things that you cant explain are the things that you need to have happen in your life, and as much as people dont understand the situation or dont understand why Im ok with somethings, as long as I understand them then thats all that really matters.
Im happy, and thats all that matters right!?