Im sure by the title of this entry there is no way you can really guess what I am about to blog about.
Let me tell you...
The other night Laura came downstairs into my room... which was clean and she was shocked by that because lets face it, me and a clean room dont really happen that often, except for this past month for some reason it has stayed reletively neat and tidy! GO ME!
Anyways... Back to the subject at hand; Lauras barffing! So here she is sitting on my bed and Im sitting on my floor by my dresser because lately thats where Ive been sitting and just listening to music a lot lately. So we are talking and I am there with a huge smile on my face talking about things that have gone on in the past little while, and I am genuinely happy. Then she said it, "Your happiness makes me want to barf because I dont know how to handle it... dont worry its a good thing!" Well gee thanks Laura! hahahaha
Its true though, I have been really happy and positive lately and I quite like the changes Ive seen in myself. All of this has made me think about my life a bit in the last few years, and I have been happy before, but this time its different. I spent 2.5 years telling myself that this one person made me happy, and yes to some extent he did. He was my best friend and I was able to talk to him about everything and yes I was wildly attracted to him and I thought that if he were willing to commit to me that he was the one I wanted to be with. However, he never did want anything serious with me, but I kept telling myself that one day he would because I thought that he made me happy. Only now looking back on that situation, I wasnt really happy and he wasnt the best for me. Little by little I was changing and not in a good way. I was loosing bits of who I was and what I really wanted out of life because I thought that I wanted him. Now I do think that if we were both at good places in our lives at the same time and we were both willing to commit and try and make things work between us then it would have been great, but there was never a time that we were both at the same place in our lives at the same time. Neither of us have ever been our best self around the other. This is something everyone needs to avoid.
I lost a lot of myself over those 2.5 years. It was hard to get over the situation but where I am at now in my life and the experience that I am currently going through I can now see that I was never truly happy when I was with that other person. Dont get me wrong, I will always want whats best for him and I am glad that we can now be friends and not have to worry about any romantic feelings, but I know that I need to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person.
Its funny how many little changes there have been in my life over these past few weeks and all because of one person.
So Laura, I am happy and I hope you barf because of it!! : )
2013 apparently is going to be good for me according to a text I got the other night... I guess we will find out what will be said in our little chat before I leave to go home next friday night!!!
This year I think is going to be a year of happy times and for that I am thankful!