Honesty

Tonight is a night where I just want to be honest about some things.

1. I feel as if I don't have any friends anymore with the exception of 3 people from work and then a couple of others. It seems like ever since I got married people have decided that they don't like my husband and have not been very nice or accepting of him and it has honestly made me really hurt.

I have friends who will not say anything more than a simple "hello" to him and if he asks them a question trying to start a conversation there is nothing but 1 word answers that come out of them and there's no trying from their end to make the conversation work.

It has been hard and quite saddening and has made me really upset.

2. I also feel that because I have a baby people don't want to hang out with me because it is harder for me to get around because Dey has the car every day and Dominic is really not enjoying being in a stroller. I had a child not a lobotomy. I'm still the same girl who sits on the couch and watches TV.

Do you ever feel like you're being used by people because I sure do.

3. I have been extremely home sick for some time now and I cannot wait to go back but its taking what seems like FOREVER. I don't want to live in Calgary anymore, and if we do decide to move I will be sad to say goodbye to a few people.

I do not want to move to Ontario but Dey will not move to Nova Scotia. I am hoping that once we go home to visit he will be more open to the idea. I think that being in NS will be better and we will have more of a social life, outside of family, than we would in ON. I have so many friends that I miss and I know I would be closer to again if we were to just move there, and I know that they would love Dey and be accepting of him. If he can slowly win over my parents then he is a great man. I really don't want to go to ON but I have a feeling I am fighting a losing battle.

4. I DO NOT want to go back to work. That place has fallen apart in the past 4 months since I have been there and it's making me wonder what is going on and why cant they seem to keep people??? I am not looking forward to leaving Dominic. I sometimes think about saving up my money from EI and paying them back so I don't have to come back. But I don't plan on being there too long because I already know when I plan on getting pregnant again and that time I will not sign an agreement to go back.

5. I hate where I live. And by that I mean the house that we live in. I hate basements and I hate that our landlord doesn't seem to want to upkeep this place. I have found many spiders this week and I thing a large part of it is because the carpet is so horrible that a carpet cleaner wont even clean it. I wear my shoes everyday in the house. The only reason we are still here is because it is so cheap.

I am sure there are more things I could touch on tonight but I have been sick this week and I'm pretty sure Dominic is teething so it has not been easy on me. He is sleeping now and I should be also.

Goodnight world, it's been a slice.