Tuesday, April 14, 2015

When Does It Get Easier?

I was told that going back to work was a good thing and that I would enjoy the adult interaction. I was also told that it would be hard at first but would get easier and I would get used to it.
I have been back to work now for 3 months and although it is nice to talk to some people, I do not find it easier, I do not really enjoy it and I still find myself crying about it. I just dont understand how people have it so easy and love going back to work. Am I too attached to my child?!
I wake up every morning thinking "if only I didnt have to get out of bed" proceeded by "is it friday yet!?". Dont get me wrong I have a great job and work with some great people, but I never looked forward to the weekend more than I do now and have never hated Sundays as much either. I keep waiting for this feeling to go away and its just not. I feel like im missing so much of my childs life and development. The fact that he doesnt like coming around me as much also makes it harder. Yesterday he saw the girl upstairs and Dey had left and he squirmed to get out of my arms and walked to her and wouldnt let me take him back. If you ever wonder how a toddler can break your heart, this is it.
Everyone says, just get pregnant again and then you can take off another year... well its not the easy, believe me, plus then when I go back to work it will be even harder because I will have 2 kids to leave behind and Dey wont be able to watch 2 at the same time and still get work done so we would have to pay for daycare. Honestly, I am just so overwhelmed with emotions and frustrations and sadness that I didnt expect to experience this long after having a kid.
I just want it to get easier.

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