On January 16th, 2015 I did the hardest thing I have had to do in a really long time. I had to go back to work. When I left last December I signed an agreement that I would go back for a minimum of 6 months or else I would have to pay back what they paid me. When I signed it I looked at the paperwork and said to myself "oh yeah i'll definitely want to go back to work" Little did I know I would love being a mom so much more than anything else I've ever done. About 3 months into my maternity leave the countdown began as I was already dreading going back to work.
Well the year came and went and so I was headed back to work. I cried the night before when I was putting Dominic into bed as I knew in the morning I wouldn't be able to spend the entire day with him anymore. For the first time in a year I actually took the time to get ready and look decent. This in turn made me feel better about myself and I have been doing it everyday.
So that first day when I got dropped off I went to the backseat and said goodbye to Dominic and the tears started to pour. I collected myself enough to get into the building and make it to the elevator. Well, then I saw Eva and she asked me how I was doing and the tears started again. So many people would ask me how I was doing and again my tears would start. Needless to say that Friday was spent holding back the tears and walking around talking to people because my desk and such wasn't set up yet. Thankfully it was a Friday and an easy day.
I have been back for a little over 3 weeks now and honestly it is not any easier. There are still most nights where I put Dominic down and I cry because I miss him terribly. I want to spend all day with him again, but I don't get to do that. I am working Monday-Friday 830-5 so I see Dominic for about 30 mins in the morning and then in the evening I get home close to 6 and he goes to bed around 730/8 which means I only see him for about 2.5 hours out of the day. This is not easy for me. I am doing fine at work and have gotten back into the groove of things, but it is nothing like I want my days to be like. I have actually had to ask for more work to do because there isn't enough for me, but there are some changes happening and I am getting more responsibility with things so my days will start getting busier so the 6 months can fly by.
I have never looked forward so much to weekends, and have never hated them so much when they are over. I cannot wait for the day when I don't have to work anymore and can stay at home with my baby.