2 Months...

As I have been sitting here counting down the days until I go home ( 18) I noticed that it will soon be December and that means it will soon be January.
January will be the hardest month of my mothering life I think. I know that I have talked about this before but I am having a real hard time thinking about going back to work in January. I know sometimes it seems like I talk about the same things over and over again, but when they really bother me I have to voice it in some way and this the best way I feel like I can get all my feelings out.
Tonight, as I was holding Dominic's hand as he cried in his crib and I said yet another prayer for him to find the peace and calmness he needs to go to sleep at night without me holding him I started to cry the 50 millionth tear I have shed over this boy since he was born.
I actually prayed that Dominic would find a way to sleep without needing me and that maybe I will be able to find a way to go to work in January without needing to be near him the way I do.
I love this boy so stinking much its insane and people have told me before that they didn't experience what I feel for their own kids, and it makes me feel like I love too much and too hard.
Someone made a suggestion to me and asked if work would set up a payment plan for me to pay them back what they gave me for those 5 months so I don't have to go back to work, and I know they wouldn't. Plus, I need to go back to work because we have a plan in place, and we thought we might as well set aside the difference of pay from EI and work each time and use that towards something else, like me not working afterwards, or moving to a different place.
I already know that my first day back to work will be the most emotional because I haven't spent more than maybe 5 hours away from him at a time, and well he is very much obsessed with nursing and I will be working on weaning him off and I'm pretty sure I will worry all day long about how Dey is doing by himself. He has never spent more than probably an hour and a half with him alone without me there just in case.
I have so many worries about what will happen, and about how Dominic will cope without me.


Will he forget about the year we spent together?
Will he be sad when I leave because he doesn't get upset now when I do?
Will he not want to be near me as much?
Will I not get cuddles anymore in our rocking chair?
Will I slip into a depression because this anxiety is killing me?
Will I even be able to make it the 6 months of working?


Honestly this is something I am not ready for, and the quicker it approaches the more and more I dread it. I am excited to go home but I know that only 6 days after I get back here I will have to go back to work and that is a scary thought.


On a happy note, I have started my Christmas shopping and hopefully everything I have ordered will be here before I leave to go home. I also need to make a trip to IKEA soon because we are getting Dominic a tent from there to have here for when he gets home. he loves hiding under blankets so I am sure a tent will be a hoot and a half!
Well, happy Saturday night to you all and a wonderful Sunday tomorrow!

TEETH!

After about 6 months of many upsetting and cranky days, drooling faces, and teeth that have been there one day and gone pretty much the same day, it has FINALLY happened. 

About 2 weeks ago I felt a tooth, and wasn't too quick to get excited that it would stay because it's done this before. Well this time it stayed and not only that a second one has popped up right next to it! I would post a picture but he won't let me get a picture or even really look at his teeth.

From what he has flashed me of his little chompers, which he's bite me with more than once while feeding, it looks like one of them is a little less than straight and I think that this is why they have bothered him so much. I think maybe the one kept hitting the other. 

Now that these little suckers have graced us with their presence sleeping has improved, not by much but just a little. I've stopped rocking him to sleep this week because he didn't want to sit still anymore in my arms so now I hold his hand through the crib and eventually, with lots of prayers, he finally goes to sleep. He only wakes up about 3 maybe 4 times a night and that's a lot better than the 7+ times a night he was up before. 

I might go get an ice cream cake tomorrow because I think it's well deserved after all the hard days I was subjected to. 

I love my son but it's not the easiest being his mom some days! 

But YAY for teeth!!! 

!Halloween!

I am clearly a little behind on the times and I haven't blogged about Halloween yet.
So, I decided a while back that I would take Dominic out for Halloween and I would eat his candy... clearly it was sacrifice that was really hard to make for me... I didn't want to take him to very many houses, just a few so that way we could say that he went out.

We talked a lot about what he would be and couldn't decide on anything. We thought about doing a family themed costume but we slacked off and didn't really prepare our costumes at all so that went out the window when we realized Halloween was 1 day away and we didn't have anything for ourselves.

I should say that we went to old navy and it was a sale on everything in the store at 40% off, and we saw the lion and it was the last in his size and we tried it on and it was too cute to say no, and then we noticed a mark on the shoulder of the costume and so we got another 50% off. So we paid about 10$ for it and it was the best thing ever.

I decided that I would just be a cat again... I also just noticed it looks like I'm with child again... nope, not even close... just chubby!

I bought a pumpkin specifically for a picture like this.... I bought his darth vadar candy holder thing that day. it was all that was left.

This was after the first house we went to. The lady gave him a handful of treats and he wouldn't let go of it the entire time.

He thought he was going to get to keep them... sorry kid!

Overall Halloween was a success and I cannot wait to go back out next year and have him ask for the candy himself and I still get to eat it haha I'm a mean mom!

I Love My Family

As I was going through my phone I came across some of the pictures Cortney took for us and I immediately fell more in love with my little family.

Dey, who works so hard for us, and Dominic, who works so hard at growing are two tremendous blessings I have in my life.

There's not much more to say than I am so thankful for everything I have and everything I will have one day. I love my family! 

9 Months

Friday marked the 9th month that I have been blessed to be a mom. It is crazy to think that in 3 very short months Dominic will be 1 year old.
He is growing everyday and testing my patience while he's at it. He likes to pull himself up on things and walk along furniture. He's a crawling machine and he is into everything.
He waves, high fives and gives kisses. He babbles all day long and he knows when I pull out my computer that Grandma will be on the screen and he gets very excited when that happens.
He loves to nurse and eat lots, and when I kneel down and stretch out my hands and say "come here" he will come to me. He gets upset when Dey leaves but is fine when I leave because he knows that I will be back. He loves his highchair and finally lets me wash his face after eating because I made it a game.
He's still the worst sleeper and spends most nights in our bed with us where he cuddles up next to me. He is a mamas boy. His hair growing but I wont cut it yet because I don't think its grown enough/gotten thick enough to actually cut it. He isn't really gaining any weight right now even though he feels like it. He is 19lbs5oz and is 29.5inches long. He is thinning out some because he is so active.
He doesn't know it, but he is excited to go to NS in December when we leave for a month, but he is also sad he wont see Dey everyday in person.
He doesn't like juice and he has never tried any sweets because he gets enough from my milk.
He loves his bath time and splashing around. He sometimes likes swimming lessons.
He hates getting changed and makes it really difficult to do so because hes so squirmy.
At the end of the day, he loves his mamma and dada and we love him! Happy 9 months to my little kiddo and please stop growing up!

Crazy, Happy & a Countdown too

I have had a rough few months, and things just don't seem to be getting any better. I don't know the last time I actually slept more than 2 hours at a time and just when I thought my hot flashes were gone they have picked back up at night making it even harder to go to sleep once Dominic has fallen asleep.
I have been able to find light in the days that seem so dark and hard, and they are all things about Dominic. I have said it once and I will say it again, its a good thing babies are cute or else mine would be for sale.


Dominic has gotten so big and is walking along furniture and getting into everything, making it really hard to clean up because either he tearing it apart or the moment I touch something he wants to come touch it too. I am proud of his growth but man do I miss the days where he would sit still. He does love to play independently and he lets me leave the room now so that's a plus.

I took this picture to send to Laura so she could show her Disney obsessed dad, aka best friend uncle Bill, to take Dominic to Disney with him some time.

Dominic LOVED his Sophia time the day she came home from the hospital. He was really excited and Im sure he thought she was a new toy for him to play with and wanted to climb on top of her. He actually let me hold her for a while before he got curious and didn't get jealous of me holding "something" other than him. Dominic has a lot of girlfriends these days because no one has boys anymore apparently.





This is before we moved the room around and so the mess is more localized, but this is pretty much how it looks everyday after about 5 minutes of him being up and playing. Hes in the mess there if you can spot him.





He has learned how to pull himself up on the gate and feels trapped everyday... this also occurred about 5 minutes before he threw up.





This is after 2 outfit changes and many vomiting issues, but he was so sad and just wanted to cuddle with me. As much as I loved the cuddles, I felt so bad for him and my heart was heavy and sad worrying about him.





This is what the priesthood can do for you. You go from being so sick to feeling like the same old baby you always were.





He had some turkey on thanksgiving and didn't take a nap that afternoon like he was supposed to and so this is the result... he was so tired that no matter what we did or how we moved him he stayed asleep.





He loves his ikea tunnel, which we now use to block off the kitchen because he keeps getting in there and tearing the place apart.





We finally used all of our Honest diapers and I loved them. They are so cute and I want to order more but they don't sell variety packs unless I get the bundle and I don't really want to spend that much on diapers and wipes for a months supply.





Those bubbles ended up in his mouth.





he loved them!





Now this is something that I am oh so happy and excited about. Although we don't have everything we need we are still going anyway because we are running out of time to visit and I haven't been home in almost 2 years and I miss it there.
I am gone from December 4th -January 10th. Dey joins us from the 17th-2nd and I am so excited to spend time with the family for Christmas.
We have been waiting to bless Dominic until we went home so we can have family there and so that will happy and I will also go through the temple while I am there so my mom and nanny can be there. At least some stuff is happening, but I really hope our clearance can come through before then... its not looking like it but I really hope it does happen.


These are the things that are keeping me going these days as I don't have any energy anymore and I am so tired, but I am so happy that I can find things to make me smile on days when I really don't feel like it,

A Mothers Job...

I have always heard the saying "it's a mothers job to worry" and I never really understood how much a mother worries about her children until I became a mom myself. Today was no exception to my worrying.
Last night was another typical horrible night of very little sleep because Dominic doesn't like to sleep very much, and hes had a bit of a cold the past couple days so that hasn't helped... oh and his poor teeth have been bothering him. Dominic went to bed around 945 then woke up about 130 and I fed him and then when he was done feeding and semi conscious I went to put him to bed and well that was just not happening. All of a sudden he got a serge of energy and thought it was play time so I brought him out to the living room and let him play until he got tired enough that he went to sleep. That finally happened around 430. I put him back in his crib and he woke up at 5 and I made Dey get up with him and he went back to sleep a couple minutes later and he sleep for about 2 hours then he woke up. We didn't get out of bed until 930 and we got up and made our daily Skype call to my mom and Dominic was as cheerful as always and excited to talk to grandma. After we got off the phone we had brunch, we both had breakfast at 3am. We had scrambled eggs and toast. He has had eggs in the past so that's no big deal but it was his first time having bread. He loved all of it and ate a bit. He didn't eat too much which is fine. I nursed him and he had a lovely poopy diaper, a little less than thick if you catch my drift, and he went down for a nap. He didn't sleep too long but when he got up he was happily playing in his crib and was perfectly fine. I changed him into an outfit he has never worn before and we went on our day as we normally do.
I was in the kitchen for something and Dominic loves standing up and rocking with the rocking chair so this is where he was. He started to cough a bit and so I looked at him and he spat up a bit, and hes never been one to spit up so this was shocking to me and then he kept going. Poor little guy threw up for the first time and hes only 8 months old. I changed him and he kept on his way of playing happy as a clam. Then he got sick again and this time he was not so happy. He was scared and sad and didn't know what was happening and kept trying to get away from him and clinging to me. I felt so bad for him because his stomach was empty and so there wasn't anything to throw up. I decided instead of constantly changing his outfits I would leave him in his diaper and take one of our spare blankets and use that as he got sick so I wasn't needing to clean up my floor constantly. You could tell he wasn't feeling well now because he just snuggled into me as if there was no place he would rather be and he felt safe with me. He got sick a few more times and even woke up from sleeping to get sick. It was breaking my heart and I was starting to worry about him. At first I thought he was getting sick from something he ate but he kept getting sick so its safe to say it wasn't the food because it wasn't in his system anymore. I called Dey to tell him what was going on and for him to come home and he did. When he came home I asked him to give Dominic a blessing which he did. He got sick one time after that and then started to perk up and wanting to play again. I felt so bad for him and I have been worrying all afternoon/evening about it and feeling so bad for him. He started drinking his water by the mouthful and even had rice cereal and kept that down. But as the evening came I knew he would want to nurse and this worried me because drinking milk when you are sick is not a good idea because it will make you more sick, but as a baby he needs milk. I didn't want to feed him but he was begging for it and so I finally fed him. I worried while feeding him and afterwards, and even now as he sleeps that he will get sick again. I am hoping he doesn't.
I now understand how as mothers we worry about our children more than others do. Dey was so calm and I was crying about it. Its so hard to watch your child in pain or sick because they are helpless and theres not much else but holding them that you can do.
I love my son and so far he is doing better and it makes me so happy. I also love my husband and I am grateful that he has the priesthood and is able to bless our son when he is sick. This, I know, is why he got better so quick. It just reaffirms my faith in Jesus Christ and it helps me have a better love for my saviour and heavenly father. It is amazing what the priesthood can do.
Now I just hope that today doesn't happen ever again!