Life has been good to me over these past few months and I am happy for that.
My relationship is going good... well its going better than good, its amazing. Dont get me wrong we have had a few bumps in the road along the way but I am accepting of them because together we have been able to work through our problems and discuss things and "fix" the issue(s). I love the growth I have accomplished from this. I have seriously changed over these past few months, and these changes have been for the best.
Sunday I was able to face my fears and face some challenges I have been placed with over the past couple of years and I have been able to start working towards what I want the most; The Temple.
I havent had a Temple recommend in about 2 years and I am excited to get it back. Its going to take some time, and there are some challeges that come with this, but I am so excited about getting back to where I want and need to be.
My bishop has given me a few challengs for the next couple of months; Praying morning and night, reading my scriptures daily, and fasting every Sunday. Now these things may not seem like challenges to some, but they sure are ones for me.
These are a work in progress for me.
I guess its time to get to work!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
The Best Things...
All my life I have never felt like I was worth having someone who wanted me back because I have never had that before. Never had I ever been told to my face that I was beautiful. But all of sudden I became worth it to someone. I was worth loving. This has made me so happy. Life is great, and I thank God for giving something that I never thought I would ever deserve.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Big EXPLOSIVE Things!
I have always been the girl who has never been able to express herself very well. I tend to hide them away and never let anyone in to see them. This has caused a lot of issues with me emotionally where I have seriously not been able to get up out of bed. I have a fear of judgment and rejection and this in return has caused me to close off so many aspects of my life to people because Im scared of what may happen.
Normally Im not willing to let people in and see my emotions, but here I am so happy that I cant keep them in all the time. Im sure people are hating me and the fact that Im happy all the time, but honestly I think its about time that Im this happy. Ive been closed off and unhappy far too much in my life and its about time that things change.
Saturday night I was out with the boy, and yes he is a big part of my happiness, and I seriously was shaking like a leaf. I have known for a little while, but I wasnt sure how I would open myself up to this, and I needed clarification on a few things to help make it easier for me to do. Then I decided "its now or never! no point in hiding now."
This is when things exploded because I dropped the BOMB! This is something I didnt think I would ever do, and definitely not do it first, but I did. Im sure so many people are probably thinking that Im crazy but quite frankly I dont care. None of them are in this relationship. Its just me and him and honestly I wouldnt change anything at all.
Saturday night/early Sunday morning is when everything changed and I finally took down my last wall I was hiding behind. This is the moment when I realized that life from here on out wont ever be the same, and this is something I am ok with!
Big explosive things...
Normally Im not willing to let people in and see my emotions, but here I am so happy that I cant keep them in all the time. Im sure people are hating me and the fact that Im happy all the time, but honestly I think its about time that Im this happy. Ive been closed off and unhappy far too much in my life and its about time that things change.
Saturday night I was out with the boy, and yes he is a big part of my happiness, and I seriously was shaking like a leaf. I have known for a little while, but I wasnt sure how I would open myself up to this, and I needed clarification on a few things to help make it easier for me to do. Then I decided "its now or never! no point in hiding now."
This is when things exploded because I dropped the BOMB! This is something I didnt think I would ever do, and definitely not do it first, but I did. Im sure so many people are probably thinking that Im crazy but quite frankly I dont care. None of them are in this relationship. Its just me and him and honestly I wouldnt change anything at all.
Saturday night/early Sunday morning is when everything changed and I finally took down my last wall I was hiding behind. This is the moment when I realized that life from here on out wont ever be the same, and this is something I am ok with!
Big explosive things...
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Birthday Boy
I said that I would give you the details of how the birthday went so here they are...
Melody from work is the nicest person in the entire world!! I dont have my own car because im stupid and havent gotten one yet, and Melody gave me her car for the night so that I could take the boy out for his birthday. So once I got home from work I had a couple things to get and had to get dressed because I was wearing a dress and I didnt want to be wearing a dress when we went out.
So I drove to his place and I gave him his cake along with a stuffed dog. Yes I bought him a stuffed animal just because I know he wants a dog and I wanted to be cheesy just like him.
We went out to The Cactus Club on MacLeod Trail and I got a steak and potatoes, and seriously it was so good! I think that this is now one of my new favorite places to eat. The potatoes were the best that I think I've ever had!! He ordered Butternut Squash Ravioli with Prongs, and he said it was really good. It was funny though because when they brought us our food, they automatically thought that I was the one who got the Ravioli and that he got the Steak. This was stereotyping at its finest! Not only did they assume the food was gender specific, but they also at the end when they brought the bill they set it beside him and not me... I was the one who was paying for it, but the stereotype is that the guy pays. I am not a big fan of stereotypes, and I seriously thought it was pretty funny that they just assumed.
Other than the food being great, the entire time that we were there was just amazing! I seriously cannot get enough of this guy. I love being around him, and I love the way he makes me feel. There was a certain topic of conversation that we talked about which Im not going to write about just yet, but it was the best part of my night! He has this way of just making me smile without actually having to do a thing.
After dinner we just went back to his place and hung out for a bit. We talked about a lot of things, and I opened up about my past and things Ive had to overcome and he was so understanding and not judgemental which is great! I have this fear of people defining who I am by what Ive done and them not being able to get past it. But he honestly didnt care at all. Well I wouldnt say he didnt care at all, he was ok with the fact that I wasnt and that Im not a perfect person.
This is one thing that I really like about him, he and I are able to just sit there and talk for what seems like the shortest amount of time, and hours have actually passed but we dont even realize it.
It was snowing when we were out and the roads were a little slick and so this made me a little nervous because I didnt want anything to happen in Melodys car, so I made sure I didnt leave right away. As we were talking we both started to fall asleep, and I was trying really hard to stay awake because the last thing that I needed was to fall asleep and not wake up before work and Melody be stranded at home because I had her car. After almost an hour of dozing off I got enough strength to leave. It was close to 130am when I left, and I had quite a ways to go. I was lucky that all the snow had melted off the road and it was an easy drive home. I got home and seriously the moment my head hit the pillow I was out! So I only ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep, which really isnt enough for me, but if I had to do it again I would. It was so worth it knowing that he had a great birthday and that he was happy! I am so happy that I got to help make his day a memorable one.
Overall I would say that last night was a success! This was the first time that Ive ever dated anyone for their birthday, and for real it was stressing me out because I was worried that I wouldnt be able to make his birthday a good one, but from the help of friends, it was made possible to put a smile on his face! I have a feeling this will be the first of many things to come! : )
Watch Out Barry! (j/k??)
Melody from work is the nicest person in the entire world!! I dont have my own car because im stupid and havent gotten one yet, and Melody gave me her car for the night so that I could take the boy out for his birthday. So once I got home from work I had a couple things to get and had to get dressed because I was wearing a dress and I didnt want to be wearing a dress when we went out.
So I drove to his place and I gave him his cake along with a stuffed dog. Yes I bought him a stuffed animal just because I know he wants a dog and I wanted to be cheesy just like him.
We went out to The Cactus Club on MacLeod Trail and I got a steak and potatoes, and seriously it was so good! I think that this is now one of my new favorite places to eat. The potatoes were the best that I think I've ever had!! He ordered Butternut Squash Ravioli with Prongs, and he said it was really good. It was funny though because when they brought us our food, they automatically thought that I was the one who got the Ravioli and that he got the Steak. This was stereotyping at its finest! Not only did they assume the food was gender specific, but they also at the end when they brought the bill they set it beside him and not me... I was the one who was paying for it, but the stereotype is that the guy pays. I am not a big fan of stereotypes, and I seriously thought it was pretty funny that they just assumed.
Other than the food being great, the entire time that we were there was just amazing! I seriously cannot get enough of this guy. I love being around him, and I love the way he makes me feel. There was a certain topic of conversation that we talked about which Im not going to write about just yet, but it was the best part of my night! He has this way of just making me smile without actually having to do a thing.
After dinner we just went back to his place and hung out for a bit. We talked about a lot of things, and I opened up about my past and things Ive had to overcome and he was so understanding and not judgemental which is great! I have this fear of people defining who I am by what Ive done and them not being able to get past it. But he honestly didnt care at all. Well I wouldnt say he didnt care at all, he was ok with the fact that I wasnt and that Im not a perfect person.
This is one thing that I really like about him, he and I are able to just sit there and talk for what seems like the shortest amount of time, and hours have actually passed but we dont even realize it.
It was snowing when we were out and the roads were a little slick and so this made me a little nervous because I didnt want anything to happen in Melodys car, so I made sure I didnt leave right away. As we were talking we both started to fall asleep, and I was trying really hard to stay awake because the last thing that I needed was to fall asleep and not wake up before work and Melody be stranded at home because I had her car. After almost an hour of dozing off I got enough strength to leave. It was close to 130am when I left, and I had quite a ways to go. I was lucky that all the snow had melted off the road and it was an easy drive home. I got home and seriously the moment my head hit the pillow I was out! So I only ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep, which really isnt enough for me, but if I had to do it again I would. It was so worth it knowing that he had a great birthday and that he was happy! I am so happy that I got to help make his day a memorable one.
Overall I would say that last night was a success! This was the first time that Ive ever dated anyone for their birthday, and for real it was stressing me out because I was worried that I wouldnt be able to make his birthday a good one, but from the help of friends, it was made possible to put a smile on his face! I have a feeling this will be the first of many things to come! : )
Watch Out Barry! (j/k??)
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
A Few Little Things Im Grateful For...
Today is Wednesday and I must say that Wednesdays are my second favorite day of the week! Wednesday marks the middle of the week and once I get to this day I feel as if the rest of the week will just fly by, and it normally does. This week has seriously gone quite fast! I have been really busy at work learning new things and it has been great! I seriously love my job! This is something I didnt have for a long time. I never came home happy, and I never woke up happy... Dont get me wrong, when my alarm goes off in the morning Im not really the happiest about getting up, but once Im up and out the door I do pretty good! I love the people I work with and that seriously makes all the difference.
Another reason why I think this week has gone by so fast is because when Ive been coming home from work I have been busy cleaning and organizing things.
Last night I did something I havent done in I dont know how long... I read my scriptures! I even wrote things down as I read, and that is something I never do! But I am trying to better myself and I have decided that this is a good way to do that. Ive had a lot to think about lately and Ive had some questions Ive wanted answered, and I felt that this is a good way to help those questions get answered.
So last night as I prayed I spent probably 10 minutes just praying about things that I am grateful for and I thought that I would share them with you.
I am grateful for:
-My family. Even though Im not the closest with them, I appreciate them and the things they do. I love them all so very much!
-My friends. These are the ones who have been there for me through all the good and the bad. They have stood by me and watched me make stupid choices but still have stuck it out and have given me the best advice they could.
-I am thankful for my mistakes. This probably seems like a silly thing to be grateful for, but these are things that have gotten me to where I am today. These are things that I have learned so much from. These are the things that have helped me grow in more ways than one. These are the things that have strengthened my relationship with my Saviour.
-My Job. I was really unhappy for a long time and then I was given the opportunity to get a new job and I took it! This seriously was one thing that I was blessed with. It has been a life changing experience for me, and also it has been a great blessing to me in my life. It has given me my life back, and has helped me stay happy and upbeat. Yes of course I have my hard days just like anyone else, but overall my days are quite good.
-Answers to prayers. This has been something I have had issues with in the past. I havent really felt like my prayers have been answered very often. But this past year I have had some answered. I always seem to have my prayers answered when Im going through a hard time and I dont even realize that I have prayed for anything.
-The Boy. Yes I am thankful for him. Obviously its nice to be dating someone who genuinely cares about you, and I am grateful for that. But I am more grateful for the changes he has made in my life. He came into my life when I needed him most, and when I needed to make some serious changes. Now here I am doing things I havent done in what seems like forever, and I have been happier than Ive ever been. Now obviously he hasnt made me change, but he has motivated me to be the best me I can be! For this I am grateful.
Today is Wednesday and I am grateful for many things and I thought I would share them.
Tomorrow I will let you know how tonight goes, because its Deys birthday!
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Another reason why I think this week has gone by so fast is because when Ive been coming home from work I have been busy cleaning and organizing things.
Last night I did something I havent done in I dont know how long... I read my scriptures! I even wrote things down as I read, and that is something I never do! But I am trying to better myself and I have decided that this is a good way to do that. Ive had a lot to think about lately and Ive had some questions Ive wanted answered, and I felt that this is a good way to help those questions get answered.
So last night as I prayed I spent probably 10 minutes just praying about things that I am grateful for and I thought that I would share them with you.
I am grateful for:
-My family. Even though Im not the closest with them, I appreciate them and the things they do. I love them all so very much!
-My friends. These are the ones who have been there for me through all the good and the bad. They have stood by me and watched me make stupid choices but still have stuck it out and have given me the best advice they could.
-I am thankful for my mistakes. This probably seems like a silly thing to be grateful for, but these are things that have gotten me to where I am today. These are things that I have learned so much from. These are the things that have helped me grow in more ways than one. These are the things that have strengthened my relationship with my Saviour.
-My Job. I was really unhappy for a long time and then I was given the opportunity to get a new job and I took it! This seriously was one thing that I was blessed with. It has been a life changing experience for me, and also it has been a great blessing to me in my life. It has given me my life back, and has helped me stay happy and upbeat. Yes of course I have my hard days just like anyone else, but overall my days are quite good.
-Answers to prayers. This has been something I have had issues with in the past. I havent really felt like my prayers have been answered very often. But this past year I have had some answered. I always seem to have my prayers answered when Im going through a hard time and I dont even realize that I have prayed for anything.
-The Boy. Yes I am thankful for him. Obviously its nice to be dating someone who genuinely cares about you, and I am grateful for that. But I am more grateful for the changes he has made in my life. He came into my life when I needed him most, and when I needed to make some serious changes. Now here I am doing things I havent done in what seems like forever, and I have been happier than Ive ever been. Now obviously he hasnt made me change, but he has motivated me to be the best me I can be! For this I am grateful.
Today is Wednesday and I am grateful for many things and I thought I would share them.
Tomorrow I will let you know how tonight goes, because its Deys birthday!
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Monday, January 28, 2013
For Your Information
As many of you know Ive been dating someone and have given very little information about who he is. So I thought that I would maybe fill you in on a few of the details.
How we met: December 8th we met completely by chance at the UofC salsa dance club. We talked for hours on end and it was great. Then on December 16th he kissed me, and I knew right then and there that he had great potential for me to really like him.
His Name: I always call him "Mr. Man" or "The Boy" but in reality he does have a name and its Dey Rivera. Hes originally from Guatemala but moved to Toronto when he was 7. His first language is Spanish and when he speaks it Im completely mesmorized by it.
His Age: I have always said that I would only date someone who was older than me, but then slowly I started seeing guys who were younger than me and it wasnt so bad. Now I am back onto the older. Dey will be 32 on Wednesday. I know crazy right!? Im not even 26 yet, but here I am dating a guy who is 6 years older than me! But in all honesty he doesnt act like hes that much older than me. I guess thats because he is a guy and guys always act younger than their age, So Im ok with it.
What he does: Dey is a financial advisor! I can hear you all gasping now because lets face it, Vanessa and money havent always been a good thing! haha Well maybe this will be a good thing for me. But hes not allowed to see my bank account until waaaaaayyyy later!!!
How Things are going: Like I said before, we met completely by chance and I seriously didnt even want to go out that night. I am so glad that I did. I never thought that things would turn out the way that they have. Neither of us ever really expected to start anything with each other. Of course I knew that if he wanted to pursue something that I would be open to the idea, but I didnt actually think that he would want to. And now here we are, after meeting a month and a half ago, dating and things are going great. I am happy, and he is too. He tells me he misses me on a daily basis, and tells me Im beautiful all the time. These are things that Im not used to. Ive never had someone be so kind to me, and be so genuine and nice. I always picked the "bad boys" and always got hurt. This time around though, I dont see that happening. Things are getting a bit more serious and normally anything that has to do with commitment scares the heck out of me! But for some reason I want this. This past summer there were a lot of firsts for me and Laura had said that maybe these things will be what makes me ready for a serious commitment... What were these things you ask? Let me tell you!
In June I bought my bunny... Laura said, "Maybe if you commit to a pet then you can commit to a boy!"
Then in August I was finally in a wedding (Ive never made it into a wedding party before) and it was Lauras and she said "Maybe the curse is finally broken?? Maybe you just needed to be in a wedding for you to be able to find someone!" and then at her wedding I caught the bouquet! Now this isnt the first time that Ive caught the bouqet but its the first time catching one when Ive been in the wedding party and then Laura said "Maybe now it really will be your turn!" This was something that I didnt think was true. And now here I am, the happiest I think Ive ever been and I couldnt have asked for anything better!
We've shared our life goals with each other and both want to help the other achieve them. We've talked about what life would be like if things work out between us. We have even made a new goal to read our scriptures together! I used to always look at those people who said that they prayed and read their scriptures together and think that they were a little lame, but here I am about to do the same thing and I am excited to share that with him.
This year has seriously brought on many changes in my life and I am happy to see the positive outcome from them. I was upset about turning 25 and honestly at first 25 wasnt turning out to be the greatest thing for me, but here I am happy! Who would have thought!?
Well I know that Mondays generally are a bit of a downer but I thought that I would look to the good in things and because I woke up happy I thought that I would share my happiness!
Enjoy!
How we met: December 8th we met completely by chance at the UofC salsa dance club. We talked for hours on end and it was great. Then on December 16th he kissed me, and I knew right then and there that he had great potential for me to really like him.
His Name: I always call him "Mr. Man" or "The Boy" but in reality he does have a name and its Dey Rivera. Hes originally from Guatemala but moved to Toronto when he was 7. His first language is Spanish and when he speaks it Im completely mesmorized by it.
His Age: I have always said that I would only date someone who was older than me, but then slowly I started seeing guys who were younger than me and it wasnt so bad. Now I am back onto the older. Dey will be 32 on Wednesday. I know crazy right!? Im not even 26 yet, but here I am dating a guy who is 6 years older than me! But in all honesty he doesnt act like hes that much older than me. I guess thats because he is a guy and guys always act younger than their age, So Im ok with it.
What he does: Dey is a financial advisor! I can hear you all gasping now because lets face it, Vanessa and money havent always been a good thing! haha Well maybe this will be a good thing for me. But hes not allowed to see my bank account until waaaaaayyyy later!!!
How Things are going: Like I said before, we met completely by chance and I seriously didnt even want to go out that night. I am so glad that I did. I never thought that things would turn out the way that they have. Neither of us ever really expected to start anything with each other. Of course I knew that if he wanted to pursue something that I would be open to the idea, but I didnt actually think that he would want to. And now here we are, after meeting a month and a half ago, dating and things are going great. I am happy, and he is too. He tells me he misses me on a daily basis, and tells me Im beautiful all the time. These are things that Im not used to. Ive never had someone be so kind to me, and be so genuine and nice. I always picked the "bad boys" and always got hurt. This time around though, I dont see that happening. Things are getting a bit more serious and normally anything that has to do with commitment scares the heck out of me! But for some reason I want this. This past summer there were a lot of firsts for me and Laura had said that maybe these things will be what makes me ready for a serious commitment... What were these things you ask? Let me tell you!
In June I bought my bunny... Laura said, "Maybe if you commit to a pet then you can commit to a boy!"
Then in August I was finally in a wedding (Ive never made it into a wedding party before) and it was Lauras and she said "Maybe the curse is finally broken?? Maybe you just needed to be in a wedding for you to be able to find someone!" and then at her wedding I caught the bouquet! Now this isnt the first time that Ive caught the bouqet but its the first time catching one when Ive been in the wedding party and then Laura said "Maybe now it really will be your turn!" This was something that I didnt think was true. And now here I am, the happiest I think Ive ever been and I couldnt have asked for anything better!
We've shared our life goals with each other and both want to help the other achieve them. We've talked about what life would be like if things work out between us. We have even made a new goal to read our scriptures together! I used to always look at those people who said that they prayed and read their scriptures together and think that they were a little lame, but here I am about to do the same thing and I am excited to share that with him.
This year has seriously brought on many changes in my life and I am happy to see the positive outcome from them. I was upset about turning 25 and honestly at first 25 wasnt turning out to be the greatest thing for me, but here I am happy! Who would have thought!?
Well I know that Mondays generally are a bit of a downer but I thought that I would look to the good in things and because I woke up happy I thought that I would share my happiness!
Enjoy!
Friday, January 25, 2013
"It Takes Two"
Today I woke up happy. That seems to be a common thing lately, and I really like it. Its so weird being this happy, and I keep looking over my shoulder expecting things to change and for things to go back to the way they were. Im always genuinely surprised when I wake up and things havent gone back to the "sad and lonely" days as I like to call them.
This boy has done wonders since I met him almost 2 months ago. I am in many ways a completely different person.
Its funny because I find myself completely zoning out on him throughout the day, and I miss him the moment he leaves. Its a weird feeling because I dont think Ive ever felt like this before. I love the way I get nervous and excited still to see him, and when he smiles my heart beats just a little faster.
Have you ever watched the Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen movie "It Takes Two"?
For some reason I was thinking about it this morning and theres a line in it that I just think describes how Im feeling perfectly...
Diane Barrows: Besides, you don't want to be an orphan forever.
Amanda Lemmon: So adopt me, why don't you!
Diane Barrows: They won't let me adopt you on my salary; besides, you deserve a mother *and* a father.
Amanda Lemmon: So, get a husband.
Diane Barrows: It's not like buying a car, you know.
Amanda Lemmon: I know. It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?
Diane Barrows: Hey, a girl's got to have her standards.
Right now I feel as if Im at that point. You all probably think Im crazy for liking someone this much after only a couple months, but I seriously am unable to help it.
This is where Im at today... Its making for a longer day because I want it to be done because I get to see him tonight.
Heres to a long, but happy Friday!
This boy has done wonders since I met him almost 2 months ago. I am in many ways a completely different person.
Its funny because I find myself completely zoning out on him throughout the day, and I miss him the moment he leaves. Its a weird feeling because I dont think Ive ever felt like this before. I love the way I get nervous and excited still to see him, and when he smiles my heart beats just a little faster.
Have you ever watched the Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen movie "It Takes Two"?
For some reason I was thinking about it this morning and theres a line in it that I just think describes how Im feeling perfectly...
Diane Barrows: Besides, you don't want to be an orphan forever.
Amanda Lemmon: So adopt me, why don't you!
Diane Barrows: They won't let me adopt you on my salary; besides, you deserve a mother *and* a father.
Amanda Lemmon: So, get a husband.
Diane Barrows: It's not like buying a car, you know.
Amanda Lemmon: I know. It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?
Diane Barrows: Hey, a girl's got to have her standards.
Right now I feel as if Im at that point. You all probably think Im crazy for liking someone this much after only a couple months, but I seriously am unable to help it.
This is where Im at today... Its making for a longer day because I want it to be done because I get to see him tonight.
Heres to a long, but happy Friday!
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