Im sure by the title of this entry there is no way you can really guess what I am about to blog about.
Let me tell you...
The other night Laura came downstairs into my room... which was clean and she was shocked by that because lets face it, me and a clean room dont really happen that often, except for this past month for some reason it has stayed reletively neat and tidy! GO ME!
Anyways... Back to the subject at hand; Lauras barffing! So here she is sitting on my bed and Im sitting on my floor by my dresser because lately thats where Ive been sitting and just listening to music a lot lately. So we are talking and I am there with a huge smile on my face talking about things that have gone on in the past little while, and I am genuinely happy. Then she said it, "Your happiness makes me want to barf because I dont know how to handle it... dont worry its a good thing!" Well gee thanks Laura! hahahaha
Its true though, I have been really happy and positive lately and I quite like the changes Ive seen in myself. All of this has made me think about my life a bit in the last few years, and I have been happy before, but this time its different. I spent 2.5 years telling myself that this one person made me happy, and yes to some extent he did. He was my best friend and I was able to talk to him about everything and yes I was wildly attracted to him and I thought that if he were willing to commit to me that he was the one I wanted to be with. However, he never did want anything serious with me, but I kept telling myself that one day he would because I thought that he made me happy. Only now looking back on that situation, I wasnt really happy and he wasnt the best for me. Little by little I was changing and not in a good way. I was loosing bits of who I was and what I really wanted out of life because I thought that I wanted him. Now I do think that if we were both at good places in our lives at the same time and we were both willing to commit and try and make things work between us then it would have been great, but there was never a time that we were both at the same place in our lives at the same time. Neither of us have ever been our best self around the other. This is something everyone needs to avoid.
I lost a lot of myself over those 2.5 years. It was hard to get over the situation but where I am at now in my life and the experience that I am currently going through I can now see that I was never truly happy when I was with that other person. Dont get me wrong, I will always want whats best for him and I am glad that we can now be friends and not have to worry about any romantic feelings, but I know that I need to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person.
Its funny how many little changes there have been in my life over these past few weeks and all because of one person.
So Laura, I am happy and I hope you barf because of it!! : )
2013 apparently is going to be good for me according to a text I got the other night... I guess we will find out what will be said in our little chat before I leave to go home next friday night!!!
This year I think is going to be a year of happy times and for that I am thankful!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The Adventures of 2013
It's official... 2012 is over!!! As crazy as it is that yet another year has gone by, and how much I hate it that time just doesn't seem to want to stand still, I am more than happy to see this past year be over! I am so excited to see what 2013 has in store for me! Now with that being said, lets get on to the events that led up to the end of the year!!
On Saturday Laura and I went shopping for a few things... aka I wanted a new dress for the New Years Eve dance because I was told that I had to be there, and I thought that if I had to be there then I better look good doing it. Now Im not the type of person to sit there and say how great I look or how "hot" I am, but this night in particular I actually felt pretty. Now that doesnt happen very often so I decided that It was ok for me to say that I felt that way. The night started off with Michelle coming over to get ready and her trying to bail on me because of the fact that she couldnt get her hair to look right and she started to freak out about it. In the end she sucked it up and came to the dance. Laura and I said that she looked great, which she did, but she didnt believe us until some guy told he that she looked really good and that he loved her hair. Its funny how you never tend to believe the ones closest to you until someone else, mostly guys, tell you that you do in fact look great.
On Saturday Laura and I went shopping for a few things... aka I wanted a new dress for the New Years Eve dance because I was told that I had to be there, and I thought that if I had to be there then I better look good doing it. Now Im not the type of person to sit there and say how great I look or how "hot" I am, but this night in particular I actually felt pretty. Now that doesnt happen very often so I decided that It was ok for me to say that I felt that way. The night started off with Michelle coming over to get ready and her trying to bail on me because of the fact that she couldnt get her hair to look right and she started to freak out about it. In the end she sucked it up and came to the dance. Laura and I said that she looked great, which she did, but she didnt believe us until some guy told he that she looked really good and that he loved her hair. Its funny how you never tend to believe the ones closest to you until someone else, mostly guys, tell you that you do in fact look great.
Laura told me I had to get a picture before I went out and so this was it! I was very pleased with the dress purchase and I think that everything turned out pretty well.
So, our friend Kara drove us to the dance... shocking how the influence of a guy can make you so motivated that you ask someone you never ask anything for to help you out. So I guess its pretty obvious that I really like this guy, and I really wanted to spend New Years with him. Before the dance he said there was a chance that he wasnt going to go because he was still feeling really sick, but I told him that he better come and that I would see him at midnight. To back track a few weeks when we first met he had made a comment about how I was going to be his New Years Eve kiss and of course being the first night that I had met him I just laughed it off and rolled my eyes. Well I decided that since I have NEVER had a New Years Eve kiss I was going to make sure it happened. So when he texted me and said that he may not be there I told him he better be and that I would see him at midnight!
Now I have never been known as the "foward" type but I for some reason was very confident that night.
While at the dance I ran into so many people that I dont get to see very often and it honestly made the night so much better than I originally anticipated. I was happy that I made the effort to go out. I was happy just hanging out with friends for the end of 2012.
Now I have never been known as the "foward" type but I for some reason was very confident that night.
While at the dance I ran into so many people that I dont get to see very often and it honestly made the night so much better than I originally anticipated. I was happy that I made the effort to go out. I was happy just hanging out with friends for the end of 2012.
I got to hang out with my friend Jane and I always love it when I see her. It was so much fun just dancing with her because we both act so crazy together at dances.
So I knew that the boy was there and I wanted him to come and talk to me. This was a test I was secretly putting him through, to see how he acted towards me in a public setting with lots of people. I knew that if he kind of blew me off then it wouldnt be worth my time to keep seeing him because who wants to be with someone who only wants to be with you in a private setting? Well, I ran into him and he was actually on his way to dance with some girl because he promised her that he would salsa with her. I was ok with that because I do not salsa! Right after the salsa ended he came and talked to me and then a slow song came on and we danced and just talked. I seriously think my heart stopped beating because I was just happy, nervous and excited to be around him. I have only ever felt that way once before and this time it was better than the last time that happened to me, which is a great thing!
As the song came to an end he told me how he was going to hang out with his friend who was the DJ that night and for me to go and have fun with my friends. This kind of sucked because I really did want to hang out with him, but I knew that it wasnt the end of the world and to just get over it and have fun with my friends like he said. Just as I started to walk away I turned and told him "Im coming for you at midnight!" He just looked at me and was like "Ok..." He was very much skeptical of this and didnt think I would actually do it because of the fact I have stated before to him that I am not the PDA type of girl. For some reason though this guy brings it out of me.
Needless to say as I was dancing with Jane she said how he kept looking at me. To me this was a total win for me! hahaha
Then the score board lit up with 5mins left until midnight and immediately my heart started pounding and I started to freak out about my new found confidence and I wasnt sure if I would be able to actually go through with the midnight plan. The next 5 minutes were seriously the fastest 5 minutes of my life! With only 35 seconds left I mustered up what courage I had left and pushed my way through the crowd and walked up on the stage where he was and just as everyone yelled out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I tapped him on his shoulder and as he turned around I just went for it and kissed him! I Vanessa Blakeney did something brave that night and I am not only proud of myself for doing that I am very shocked that I actaully did it and I am happy with the outcome.
After the kiss ended I looked at him and said "This is me, putting myself out there and making a move. So if this doesnt say anything then I dont know what will. The rest is up to you!"
After I said that he just hugged me for what seemed like a lifetime and then he kissed me one last time and I went back to hang with my friends and dance the beginning of 2013 away!
The dance ended and I was getting ready to leave and of course I wanted to say goodbye to this guy, so I walked back up to the stage to say goodbye and he pulled me aside and kissed me again. Seriously, I dont think I have ever been so infatuated with someones kisses before. Its nice kissing someone who you like and who genuinely likes you back. It has never been like that for me and this is a new feeling and I just cant get enough. I like how happy it makes me! This boy is bringing out so many changes and positive things in me and slowly I can feel that light I was missing coming back!
Back to the kissing... So he looked at me and said "whats next!?" I told him that I put myself out there and now its his turn, that if he wants to be with me he needs to be with me. He just kind of looked at me and smiled, and then asked if I was going to this party afterwards. I said I didnt think so. He tried to convince me a bit and I seriously contemplated it but then as I got to my house my pjs won the fight and I decided to stay in.
At about 4am I was half asleep and got a surprise... He was at my house! Here I was half asleep and in my monkey pjs and he was at my house. My heart melted a bit. I love talking to this guy. There is something about him that just draws me in.
At one point I just looked at him and said "You know I kind of like you" he then turned and looked at me and said "You know, I dont kind of like you, I know I like you!" Never has anyone actually flat out told me that before and hearing that silenced so many of my fears and insecurities. Now I still have a few because of past experiences but I think that was the best part of the first day of 2013. Here's to hoping that this is some sort of indication of how this year is going to go. As of right now Im really loving it so far and I am happy!! : )
As the song came to an end he told me how he was going to hang out with his friend who was the DJ that night and for me to go and have fun with my friends. This kind of sucked because I really did want to hang out with him, but I knew that it wasnt the end of the world and to just get over it and have fun with my friends like he said. Just as I started to walk away I turned and told him "Im coming for you at midnight!" He just looked at me and was like "Ok..." He was very much skeptical of this and didnt think I would actually do it because of the fact I have stated before to him that I am not the PDA type of girl. For some reason though this guy brings it out of me.
Needless to say as I was dancing with Jane she said how he kept looking at me. To me this was a total win for me! hahaha
Then the score board lit up with 5mins left until midnight and immediately my heart started pounding and I started to freak out about my new found confidence and I wasnt sure if I would be able to actually go through with the midnight plan. The next 5 minutes were seriously the fastest 5 minutes of my life! With only 35 seconds left I mustered up what courage I had left and pushed my way through the crowd and walked up on the stage where he was and just as everyone yelled out "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I tapped him on his shoulder and as he turned around I just went for it and kissed him! I Vanessa Blakeney did something brave that night and I am not only proud of myself for doing that I am very shocked that I actaully did it and I am happy with the outcome.
After the kiss ended I looked at him and said "This is me, putting myself out there and making a move. So if this doesnt say anything then I dont know what will. The rest is up to you!"
After I said that he just hugged me for what seemed like a lifetime and then he kissed me one last time and I went back to hang with my friends and dance the beginning of 2013 away!
The dance ended and I was getting ready to leave and of course I wanted to say goodbye to this guy, so I walked back up to the stage to say goodbye and he pulled me aside and kissed me again. Seriously, I dont think I have ever been so infatuated with someones kisses before. Its nice kissing someone who you like and who genuinely likes you back. It has never been like that for me and this is a new feeling and I just cant get enough. I like how happy it makes me! This boy is bringing out so many changes and positive things in me and slowly I can feel that light I was missing coming back!
Back to the kissing... So he looked at me and said "whats next!?" I told him that I put myself out there and now its his turn, that if he wants to be with me he needs to be with me. He just kind of looked at me and smiled, and then asked if I was going to this party afterwards. I said I didnt think so. He tried to convince me a bit and I seriously contemplated it but then as I got to my house my pjs won the fight and I decided to stay in.
At about 4am I was half asleep and got a surprise... He was at my house! Here I was half asleep and in my monkey pjs and he was at my house. My heart melted a bit. I love talking to this guy. There is something about him that just draws me in.
At one point I just looked at him and said "You know I kind of like you" he then turned and looked at me and said "You know, I dont kind of like you, I know I like you!" Never has anyone actually flat out told me that before and hearing that silenced so many of my fears and insecurities. Now I still have a few because of past experiences but I think that was the best part of the first day of 2013. Here's to hoping that this is some sort of indication of how this year is going to go. As of right now Im really loving it so far and I am happy!! : )
Monday, December 31, 2012
The Best Moments of 2012
I thought since today was the end of 2012 that maybe I should write a blog about all the highlights of this past year.
There have been many things that have occured over this past year that I consider to be downfalls, but I didnt want to focus on those. Im trying to stay positive and look at the bright side.
So here is 2012 at a glance!
JANUARY: Not a whole lot really happened that I can actually remember, but I did realize that sometimes it's ok to kiss someone because they are there and not actually have any romantic feelings for them... Now this isnt something that I do on a regular basis, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it!
FEBRUARY: This was the month that I got to go home and see my family after 7 months of not seeing them. The best part was that my family had no idea that I was coming home. Seeing the looks on all of their faces as I walked up to them and the realization that it was in fact me standing in front of them was priceless! It was a great feeling being home with family and friends.
MARCH: This month there was a specific date that meant pretty much everything to me, and that was the 12th. On this day I started my new job at RECA (real estate council of alberta) and this was the day that my life seemed to change in more ways than one. This was the day that my happiness slowly started to come back.
APRIL: Again this was another month that not a lot of things happened, but I did get the chance to go to Regina for Easter with Kayla and meet her family. This weekend was so funny. I had heard stories before and had "met" some of her family via facetime, but never did I expect them to be as funny and cool as they were. I had one of the best Easters ever at her house and I just fell in love with her family!
MAY: Ok, on the 20th of this month I turned 25 and that is not a good thing at all for me. For those of you who know me I tend to cry on my birthday, and this year I was exceptionally emotional for many reasons... However, I did say that I was trying to look at the postive side of things, so here it goes. I turned 25 and this seemed to be a turning point in my life. Many good things happend after I turned 25 that made it ok for me to be this age.
JUNE: On the 4th I got my very first real pet. I bought my bunny! Even though he smells sometimes and he hates people I still love him. He is super cute when he wants to be.
Also this was the month that I had the one of the best weeks since moving out here. I was able to have a life and meet new people and just have a good time.
JULY: On the 6th of July I flew home because my brother Jeremy was getting married! It was crazy to think that he would actually be getting married. The only reason why I say that is because he had been engaged before and it never worked out and I was worried that this time would be no different. I am so happy that it did because I love his wife Kim! She is a gem!!
This month also brought my very first Stampede experience and it was great because I LOVE rides!!! I love the rush and the thrill of it all! I had a blast.
Now on the 28th of this month is when I had a little incident with my front door that brought a lot of laughs from those inside my house because they didnt believe me that it was as bad as it was. However, an x-ray, a tetnis shot, 8 stitches and an air cast later it was worse than the other anticipated. This I think was a semi good experience because it taught those around me to maybe take a me a little more seriously when I say Im really hurt and about to pass out from the pain! : )
AUGUST: This month was a busy month. It brought a lot of changes in the lives of those around me and I was lucky enough to be apart of these changes. The biggest thing that happened this month was on the 28th... LAURA GOT MARRIED! My bestie got married and I got to be apart of it. I had the opportunity to travel and see a few places that I probably would never have had the chance to see if it werent for her getting married.
SEPTEMBER: This month was just a hectic month with work and it made me realize that I needed to take the initiative at some point and work to move up in the company. It was crazy at the front desk and I realized that as much as I loved the people in my department I was going to need a change because I wouldnt be able to handle this much longer.
OCTOBER: This month was exceptionally busy for me, and it was actually a great month! I seriously had so much fun! On the 2nd I got to see CARRIE UNDERWOOD! The tickets were crap but it was so great being able to see her live. I love her and have wanted to see her for years but never had the chance to, and when I found out she was coming here I was so happy that I would finally have a chance to see her. About a week later on the 12th I had another dream come true... This dream was bigger than the dream to see Carrie... I was able to see JUSTIN BIEBER! I can already hear the judgment in your tones about this, but in all honesty I dont care. I love the Biebs and having the chance to see him live was something I had wanted for a long time and if I was still in NS then I would never have had the opportunity to see him. It was a great concert and so worth it! The very next day was obviously the 13th but this day was another special day because my other best friend Kayla got married! I was super tired but it was great being apart of her day and seeing her happy!!!
NOVEMBER: This was the month where the countdown began... The countdown to go home that is! There was an amazing seat sale and I jumped at the opportunity to go home in January because I wasn't going to be able to go home for Christmas. Also this was the month that I booked a car and drove to Edmonton to see a lot of my friends that I hadnt seen in years, and this was also the weekend I got away from all my fears and doubts about living in Calgary and regained some reassurance as to why Im living here. The weekend wasnt a perfect weekend but it was exactly what I needed it to be! I came back to Calgary happy and that was all I was really asking for!
DECEMBER: This month is also full of great things like Christmas, getting a new position at work and getting Taylor Swift tickets for June!!! But there is one date in particular that stands out the most. The night of Dec. 8th 2012 is when the saying "...When you least expect it" became something I could actually believe in. Im not ready to go into full detail on that just yet, but Im thinking one day very soon I will be!!
So today marks the last day of 2012 and I am ready to say goodbye. Looking back over the year there have been many things that have happened in my life that I am thankful for, but I am ready for a fresh start and a new year to start them in!
So here's to 2013 bringing more unexpected things into my life!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There have been many things that have occured over this past year that I consider to be downfalls, but I didnt want to focus on those. Im trying to stay positive and look at the bright side.
So here is 2012 at a glance!
JANUARY: Not a whole lot really happened that I can actually remember, but I did realize that sometimes it's ok to kiss someone because they are there and not actually have any romantic feelings for them... Now this isnt something that I do on a regular basis, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it!
FEBRUARY: This was the month that I got to go home and see my family after 7 months of not seeing them. The best part was that my family had no idea that I was coming home. Seeing the looks on all of their faces as I walked up to them and the realization that it was in fact me standing in front of them was priceless! It was a great feeling being home with family and friends.
MARCH: This month there was a specific date that meant pretty much everything to me, and that was the 12th. On this day I started my new job at RECA (real estate council of alberta) and this was the day that my life seemed to change in more ways than one. This was the day that my happiness slowly started to come back.
APRIL: Again this was another month that not a lot of things happened, but I did get the chance to go to Regina for Easter with Kayla and meet her family. This weekend was so funny. I had heard stories before and had "met" some of her family via facetime, but never did I expect them to be as funny and cool as they were. I had one of the best Easters ever at her house and I just fell in love with her family!
MAY: Ok, on the 20th of this month I turned 25 and that is not a good thing at all for me. For those of you who know me I tend to cry on my birthday, and this year I was exceptionally emotional for many reasons... However, I did say that I was trying to look at the postive side of things, so here it goes. I turned 25 and this seemed to be a turning point in my life. Many good things happend after I turned 25 that made it ok for me to be this age.
JUNE: On the 4th I got my very first real pet. I bought my bunny! Even though he smells sometimes and he hates people I still love him. He is super cute when he wants to be.
Also this was the month that I had the one of the best weeks since moving out here. I was able to have a life and meet new people and just have a good time.
JULY: On the 6th of July I flew home because my brother Jeremy was getting married! It was crazy to think that he would actually be getting married. The only reason why I say that is because he had been engaged before and it never worked out and I was worried that this time would be no different. I am so happy that it did because I love his wife Kim! She is a gem!!
This month also brought my very first Stampede experience and it was great because I LOVE rides!!! I love the rush and the thrill of it all! I had a blast.
Now on the 28th of this month is when I had a little incident with my front door that brought a lot of laughs from those inside my house because they didnt believe me that it was as bad as it was. However, an x-ray, a tetnis shot, 8 stitches and an air cast later it was worse than the other anticipated. This I think was a semi good experience because it taught those around me to maybe take a me a little more seriously when I say Im really hurt and about to pass out from the pain! : )
AUGUST: This month was a busy month. It brought a lot of changes in the lives of those around me and I was lucky enough to be apart of these changes. The biggest thing that happened this month was on the 28th... LAURA GOT MARRIED! My bestie got married and I got to be apart of it. I had the opportunity to travel and see a few places that I probably would never have had the chance to see if it werent for her getting married.
SEPTEMBER: This month was just a hectic month with work and it made me realize that I needed to take the initiative at some point and work to move up in the company. It was crazy at the front desk and I realized that as much as I loved the people in my department I was going to need a change because I wouldnt be able to handle this much longer.
OCTOBER: This month was exceptionally busy for me, and it was actually a great month! I seriously had so much fun! On the 2nd I got to see CARRIE UNDERWOOD! The tickets were crap but it was so great being able to see her live. I love her and have wanted to see her for years but never had the chance to, and when I found out she was coming here I was so happy that I would finally have a chance to see her. About a week later on the 12th I had another dream come true... This dream was bigger than the dream to see Carrie... I was able to see JUSTIN BIEBER! I can already hear the judgment in your tones about this, but in all honesty I dont care. I love the Biebs and having the chance to see him live was something I had wanted for a long time and if I was still in NS then I would never have had the opportunity to see him. It was a great concert and so worth it! The very next day was obviously the 13th but this day was another special day because my other best friend Kayla got married! I was super tired but it was great being apart of her day and seeing her happy!!!
NOVEMBER: This was the month where the countdown began... The countdown to go home that is! There was an amazing seat sale and I jumped at the opportunity to go home in January because I wasn't going to be able to go home for Christmas. Also this was the month that I booked a car and drove to Edmonton to see a lot of my friends that I hadnt seen in years, and this was also the weekend I got away from all my fears and doubts about living in Calgary and regained some reassurance as to why Im living here. The weekend wasnt a perfect weekend but it was exactly what I needed it to be! I came back to Calgary happy and that was all I was really asking for!
DECEMBER: This month is also full of great things like Christmas, getting a new position at work and getting Taylor Swift tickets for June!!! But there is one date in particular that stands out the most. The night of Dec. 8th 2012 is when the saying "...When you least expect it" became something I could actually believe in. Im not ready to go into full detail on that just yet, but Im thinking one day very soon I will be!!
So today marks the last day of 2012 and I am ready to say goodbye. Looking back over the year there have been many things that have happened in my life that I am thankful for, but I am ready for a fresh start and a new year to start them in!
So here's to 2013 bringing more unexpected things into my life!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Christmas is Over... Bring on 2013
This year marked the second East Coast Christmas here in Calgary with myself, Laura and Michelle. However, this year there was an addition to our little group.... Laura got married so we kind of have to involve her husband aka Poppa J! haha Even though he isn't from the east coast, he did in fact live there for 2 years and thats where he and Laura met so I guess it was ok that he joined us! It was great having him there. He adds a certain comedic relief in a way to our little group of misfits and it makes everything just that much more funny.
Ok, onto the festivities that occured! I am actually going to start with the Thursday night.
Thursday night the guy that I met a few weeks ago who I like, (yes, I like someone... the fact that Im writing about it will probably curse it and then I will be left in the dust but I wanted to document a few things), came over to hang out. He didn't leave until about 130am and I had to get up at 545am to get ready for work. Thankfully it was friday so it wouldn't be too hard to get ready in the morning. I got to work and felt like I was dying because I was so tired. I hopped up on sugar to help keep my energy up.
So I had to start training for my new postion at work... BTW I got a new position at work! haha My coordinator decided that she would send us home at 330 that day and seeing that there was no one there to train me it was pointless for me to stay at work, so I was lucky enough that I got to leave early. Seriously that was the best thing that could have happened that day because I got to have a couple hour nap which I was in desperate need of.
We went to Zoo Lights and I, for obvious reasons fell in love with Candy Land!
After Zoo Lights, I got warmed up at home and then I decided to go to bed because I just that tired still. Saturday came and I was lucky enough to have a friend from work inform me that she had an extra ticket to the Nutcracker and asked if I wanted to go with her. I jumped at the opportunity to go. I haven't seen it in years and I always love the Ballet. So we went and it was beautiful. The music was just outstanding and the dancing made me jealous that I was never that talented at anything like that. I wish that they would have let you take pictures because it was just so beautiful.
After the Nutcracker I went home and I just cleaned up a bit and then did some last minute stocking stuffer shopping for Michelle.
On Sunday I got up and went to church, and for those of you who know me lately, that has been a very difficult thing for me to do. I am glad I went. They had an entire sacrament with musical numbers and people bearing their testimony.
I'm not going to lie, but I cant remember what I did after church, so Im going to assume that I didnt do much at all. hahaha
Then came Christmas Eve. Laura wanted to get her picture taken with Santa, but she slept in. I however was up and ready early, and I think that made the day that much better because I didnt just lounge around. I actually put forth an effort to look nice. As the day went on I just did a few things here and there but kept it pretty easy. Then we had to go get Michelle from work.. Which by the way is like FOREVER away from our house and she could transfer to the store thats super close to where we both live but she wont because she likes the people she works with. Yes I get that you like the people you work with but sometimes its easier to work closer especially when it will save you travel time and you can get more sleep this way.
Anyway, we went and got Michelle and then went to the nativity pagent that is held at Heritage Park. It was so unbelievably cold out. Good thing I brought a blanket to help keep us from freezing. No it did not keep us warm, but it kept the cold from fully setting in which was nice. Im going to be honest... Jeremy and I should NEVER sit next to each other for such occasions because we were worse than 2 immature teenagers with how disruptive we were being. There were a few times when we found it really hard not to burst out into loud laughter. Either way it made the evening that much better.
If your are wondering this picture is of Michelle, Myself and Jeremy. Michelles hat was like a dead animal that decided to blind her.
This is our Tree!! Seriously I have never seen so many presents under the tree for my personal christmas until I had moved out here and we decided to do christmas together. Yes I know that presents isnt the true meaning of christmas but it does help make things all the merrier!!
We did breakfast on christmas morning and then opened all of our presents. I was lucky because I got a lot of gifts from my family and friends and it just made everything so great. I do hate the feeling when all the presents are opened that christmas has in some way ended, and I think this is why I would in many ways have it so christmas didnt involve all the gift giving. Dont get me wrong, I very much appreicate the gifts that are given but it just seems to take away from what is really important during this time of the year.
After gifts we just did our own things until dinner time and then we ate... that is what the picture of above is of. After dinner we went to Monsters Inc. 3D. I LOVE that movie and when I heard that it was going to be back in theatres I said that we had to go. Laura and I started a tradition a few years back that we go to the movies on christmas day night... however last year christmas fell on a sunday so we didnt get to go. But this year we reinstated the tradition and went. I forgot how grea that movie was!
When we got home from the movies we had our dessert. I was in charge of getting/making it and seeing that Im not really that big on baking or cooking I went across the street and got a DQ Ice Cream cake... the lady at the counter was rather confused by what I wanted written on it. I dont think she understood what East Coast meant because she had to clarify 3 times that that was in fact what I wanted on the cake. I was trying really hard not to laugh at her. The saddest part about the cake was that when it came time to eat it I just wasnt that hungry so I didnt even finish my piece. It broke my heart in a lot of ways because this is my favorite cake.
I think that maybe it was because of the fact that I was actually quite nervous about the boy coming over. A lot of you know that I have a lot of issues opening up and letting my walls down, and I also seem to attach myself to the most wrong for me type of guys and this seriously terrifies me beyond anything that words can describe. I attached myself to someone for 2 and a half years and I fell so unbelievably in love with him. Yes love should be a good thing but in this case, little by little it was destroying me because he was never ever going to commit to me the way that I was in many ways committed to him. It didnt help that he was/is one of my best friends. Hes knows everything about me and he is one person I always want to talk to when things either go bad or go really good for me. It has taken me a long time to let myself get over him and just let the friendship remain and it feels great. But this has left a giant wall up around me. I dont want to get into another situation where I am stuck wasting time on someone who will never want me back the way that I want them, and someone who isnt willing to give us a chance. Again there are many walls that are up around me because of things that have happened in the past on many different occaisions with different people, and for the first time in a very long time I am letting some of them down. Again this isnt easy for me at all. This has got to be one of the most scary things that I have ever had to do in my life. I think I would rather have to get needles than open up the way that people want me to. Thats saying something because needles are my BIGGEST fear. Theres something about opening up to those who are close to me that just scares me so much. It puts me in a position where I feel naked and vulnerable and when Im in this position it is so much easier to get hurt, and the last thing that I want is to get hurt. I've been really hurt before and I felt as if I wanted to die, and the last thing I want is to feel that way again.
For some reason though, I feel as if I need to open up more with this person. Even though there have been many times where my initial instinct is to get the hell out of here and run for my life, I just cant seem to do that. Some people think that I need to be cautious, which I will be, but I cant seem to break away from the what could be. Something is keeping me right where I am, and as much as it's so scary for me, I know that its really good for me. Who knows if this is just to prepare me for something else that will come my way, but I know that this will help me grow and help make it easier for me to take the walls down at a later time.
2013 is coming up quick, and I am seriously so excited for the new year to start!!! There are many good things that this year will bring and its made me more excited to say goodbye to 2012.
2012 had what seems like more downs than up, and it has also presented me with many personal challenges and struggles that have literally torn me down in many ways. I'm ready to say farewell!
This coming year is bringing lots of things that are going to make me happy!
January 11th-21st I will be home in Halifax! I seriously cannot begin to express how excited I am to just go home and relax and see all my friends and family. It is going to be a great time to just reflect on what may come after I get home.
I will also be fully transitioned into my new position at work!! This is something I am more than excited about because it is a great career move within the company and it can help further me at a later date if ever want to move up. Because I am the person that I am, I want to move up and learn all that I can. I think that this company can help with that and it seriously isn't going to just be another job that I have, this is where my career will start!!
Now this is also going to help me get what I want the most right now... I want a car!! Seriously its a big thing for me! I have never had my own car and I need to get one. It will give me a different type of freedom that I never had before. I am just dying to get one!! I dont want a brand new car because they are too expensive and because the moment you drive it off the lot is depreciates in value by 5,000$ and I think that a gently used car is just as good as a new one. I dont want to buy outright because that will take forever to save up the money so I want to finance one. That is the next thing on my list... Now all I need to do is actually do it! I may need some help trying to pick one out because I suck at all things cars! I pretty much know nothing about them.
Now... 2013 will bring on something I dont really want it to... I turn 26 in less than 5 months and that is scary for me! But hey, with how things could possibly turn out, it could make 26 a pretty great year for me! *Fingers Crossed*
Now... on June 22nd there is someone who is coming to Canada... I wish she was coming to Calgary but shes not. She will be in Winnepeg and I will be too!! Laura and I are going to Taylor Swift!!!! I saw her in the fall of 2007 when she opened for Brad Paisley along with Rodney Atkins. I have never seen her headline a tour before and because I am just oh so in love with her, and because she seems to write every song about my own life and I cannot wait to hear them live and scream and go crazy!!!
Her opening act is Ed Sheeran who I am also so excited to see! He has some really great songs and I know that this trip is going to be great!!!
Now this is just the first 6 months of 2013... who knows what the other 6 months will bring! I am excited for all of the things unfold and see how certain things play out!!!
So 2012, Im sorry but I am more than ready to say goodbye to you!! You've been some what of a good year, but I think that 2013 will bring more surprises and many great memories!!!!
*I got all pictures from Laura... I dont have a computer of my own yet... It's awaiting me in Halifax*
I think that maybe it was because of the fact that I was actually quite nervous about the boy coming over. A lot of you know that I have a lot of issues opening up and letting my walls down, and I also seem to attach myself to the most wrong for me type of guys and this seriously terrifies me beyond anything that words can describe. I attached myself to someone for 2 and a half years and I fell so unbelievably in love with him. Yes love should be a good thing but in this case, little by little it was destroying me because he was never ever going to commit to me the way that I was in many ways committed to him. It didnt help that he was/is one of my best friends. Hes knows everything about me and he is one person I always want to talk to when things either go bad or go really good for me. It has taken me a long time to let myself get over him and just let the friendship remain and it feels great. But this has left a giant wall up around me. I dont want to get into another situation where I am stuck wasting time on someone who will never want me back the way that I want them, and someone who isnt willing to give us a chance. Again there are many walls that are up around me because of things that have happened in the past on many different occaisions with different people, and for the first time in a very long time I am letting some of them down. Again this isnt easy for me at all. This has got to be one of the most scary things that I have ever had to do in my life. I think I would rather have to get needles than open up the way that people want me to. Thats saying something because needles are my BIGGEST fear. Theres something about opening up to those who are close to me that just scares me so much. It puts me in a position where I feel naked and vulnerable and when Im in this position it is so much easier to get hurt, and the last thing that I want is to get hurt. I've been really hurt before and I felt as if I wanted to die, and the last thing I want is to feel that way again.
For some reason though, I feel as if I need to open up more with this person. Even though there have been many times where my initial instinct is to get the hell out of here and run for my life, I just cant seem to do that. Some people think that I need to be cautious, which I will be, but I cant seem to break away from the what could be. Something is keeping me right where I am, and as much as it's so scary for me, I know that its really good for me. Who knows if this is just to prepare me for something else that will come my way, but I know that this will help me grow and help make it easier for me to take the walls down at a later time.
2013 is coming up quick, and I am seriously so excited for the new year to start!!! There are many good things that this year will bring and its made me more excited to say goodbye to 2012.
2012 had what seems like more downs than up, and it has also presented me with many personal challenges and struggles that have literally torn me down in many ways. I'm ready to say farewell!
This coming year is bringing lots of things that are going to make me happy!
January 11th-21st I will be home in Halifax! I seriously cannot begin to express how excited I am to just go home and relax and see all my friends and family. It is going to be a great time to just reflect on what may come after I get home.
I will also be fully transitioned into my new position at work!! This is something I am more than excited about because it is a great career move within the company and it can help further me at a later date if ever want to move up. Because I am the person that I am, I want to move up and learn all that I can. I think that this company can help with that and it seriously isn't going to just be another job that I have, this is where my career will start!!
Now this is also going to help me get what I want the most right now... I want a car!! Seriously its a big thing for me! I have never had my own car and I need to get one. It will give me a different type of freedom that I never had before. I am just dying to get one!! I dont want a brand new car because they are too expensive and because the moment you drive it off the lot is depreciates in value by 5,000$ and I think that a gently used car is just as good as a new one. I dont want to buy outright because that will take forever to save up the money so I want to finance one. That is the next thing on my list... Now all I need to do is actually do it! I may need some help trying to pick one out because I suck at all things cars! I pretty much know nothing about them.
Now... 2013 will bring on something I dont really want it to... I turn 26 in less than 5 months and that is scary for me! But hey, with how things could possibly turn out, it could make 26 a pretty great year for me! *Fingers Crossed*
Now... on June 22nd there is someone who is coming to Canada... I wish she was coming to Calgary but shes not. She will be in Winnepeg and I will be too!! Laura and I are going to Taylor Swift!!!! I saw her in the fall of 2007 when she opened for Brad Paisley along with Rodney Atkins. I have never seen her headline a tour before and because I am just oh so in love with her, and because she seems to write every song about my own life and I cannot wait to hear them live and scream and go crazy!!!
Her opening act is Ed Sheeran who I am also so excited to see! He has some really great songs and I know that this trip is going to be great!!!
Now this is just the first 6 months of 2013... who knows what the other 6 months will bring! I am excited for all of the things unfold and see how certain things play out!!!
So 2012, Im sorry but I am more than ready to say goodbye to you!! You've been some what of a good year, but I think that 2013 will bring more surprises and many great memories!!!!
*I got all pictures from Laura... I dont have a computer of my own yet... It's awaiting me in Halifax*
Monday, December 10, 2012
Who Would Have Thought!?
On Thursday night Cortney was in town and staying at my place because she was going to a wedding... who gets married on a Thursday!? These people did, and as long as you're happy and all the important people can make it who cares what day it's on!
Having Cort in town meant that I would have to give up my weekend rutual of being lazy and staying in comfy clothes, which sometimes mean wearing a bathingsuit top because I don't feel like putting on a bra. Im just being honest, I dont like bras most days. But that is besides the point...
So Cortney on friday wanted to do something, and since Im broker than broke at this very moment I said I couldn't really do much that required money... In case you are wondering why that is, it's because when you dont have the money to do things people wont let you do them. Unfortunately nothing in life is ever reall free these days.
I suggested that we go to a movie because I had enough scene points to get a free movie! Yay for me and my obsession with movies.
So we went and saw "Silver Linnings Playbook"
Ok, So Bradley Cooper can marry me whenever he wants because I am more than willing to be attached to that man for the rest of my life!! Love Him!!
Not only is he EXTREMELY attractive in every way possible, he is a great actor.
Jennifer Lawrence, mostly known for her role in "The Hunger Games" and "X-Men: First Class" surprised me. I didn't expect her to be as convincing as she was. I don't want to go into too much detail for those of you who want to see it. But she is playing a bit of a "crazy" person and she does a great job and I was very impressed. Overall I was very impressed with the movie. If you dont mind swearing then I would suggest seeing it. But if a lot of swearing bothers you, then I wouldnt go see it.
So after the movie we heard that there was a party going on that was a christmas dance party, and being myself and Cortney, we both LOVE dancing and were quite excited about going to it. So we get ready and we tried to look semi decent and get to where this party was being held, come to find out it was a social gathering with people performing... aka a christmas talent show. The best thing was that I got to see people I havent seen in a long time. It was funny because before we left Cortney was saying she was worried people would think her make up was over the top, and I told her not to worry about it because people would be more shocked to see me out of the house haha which was quite true. Some people didnt know what to make of it.
So after a night of restless sleep because someone snored all night, we got up and I was dragged to the Calgary Farmers Market for a little bit, and then Cortney had to meet up with some people to practice a dance routine she is supposed to do in the new year. So I sat there and watched with intimidation because I cannot pick up coreography like she can and I cant dance like she can either. I tend to feel really self concious around people who are so good at things and it makes it harder for me to get out of my shell.
So Cortney found out about this UofC latin dance club things that hold dances every month at this community hall, and anyone can go but its cheaper if you're a member of the club. I guess a lot of members go because in the western parts of Canada the youth learn such dances, where as in the eastern parts we dont. Therefore I am wildly untalented in that area.
I wouldnt mind looking like the people in the video below. That would be nice, but that would mean a lot of practice and money to spend on those classes and I dont really have the time or the money to do it.
http://youtu.be/u5ijcckWszY
A night out with Cortney woudnt be the same if there wasnt some sort of a picture taken, and being the typical girls that we are we took it in the bathroom.
The reaminder of the night was spent by Cortney dancing with some guy she met there and me sitting on the side with some of the people Cortney already knew. I ended up talking to this one guy for about a half hour or more before the dance was done (it was over at 2am) and he said he was going to Mcdonalds afterwards. Then as the dance ended Cort suggested that I go with this guy to just hang out... I said ok. So we went to the Mcdonalds on 17th ave... Let me tell you right now... SKETCHIEST MCDONALDS EVER!! We went to the Mcdonalds and I didnt want anything so he was the only one who got something to eat, and we ended up just talking. Before we knew it, it was after 5am and we said we would leave at 530. Then as the conversation continued we lost track of time and it was then 630. We said we would leave in a few minutes, but again we just kept talking and didnt leave until 8am. So I didnt get home until close to 830 and needless to say, there was no way I was waking up in an hour to get ready for church.
I think after everything was said and done I had a pretty good weekend, and even though I was way out of my comfort zone I had a good time. This weekend I was grateful for my friends and the impact they have on my life, and I am so happy that they are apart of who I am and apart of my growing process.
I still can't wait to go home in January. Its going to be so great to see so many people that I have been missing so much over the last little while.
Well happy monday to you all even though I feel half alive after the lack sleep on my part!!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Christmas Shopping Blues
I love Christmas, I really do. I may not show in the ways of some people like crazy decorating. But I love spending time with those I love and I love knowing that whatever I have given those people has made them happy in some way.
Now I have the hardest time shopping for other people. I wish it were just simple like it used to be when we were kids in school and would just make a random craft to give to our parents. I was never the overly crafty one, but I know that my parents always loved what I gave them because it came from the heart and I made it.
This year I'm finding it rather difficult to get into the shopping spirit. Maybe its because I procrastinated like I always do or it's because I've spent some money on myself this year and so that mixed with bills have just made me want to scream!
Now my trips that I've spent money on were: I rented a car to go to Edmonton because there were people I wanted to see and because I just needed a break for a few days. So this trip wasn't just for me, but for my sanity and for my friends who I havent seen in years. All around it was great trip and it gave me the boost I was looking for.
The other trip that I paid for is a trip home in January. This one I am more than just little excited about. The last time I was home was in July and it was only for 2.5 days for my brothers wedding. Yes it was great time being with family, but it was so rushed and jam packed with things that I didnt really get a chance to visit and do things. So I thought I would take the opportunity to go home when a seat sale arose, and it did so I booked it and I cannot wait to get home and see so many people and just have a good time. This trip is going to give me the boost that I need and it cannot come soon enough.
So these 2 trips are what is costing me money and making me hate shopping for people. Now I can shop for the people who live close to me because that can be done up until the last shopping day if I desire, but its the people who live back home that I'm having issues with.
Josh and Lyla will be easy, but its really my parents I have no sweet clue as to what I can get them.
What do you get people who have everything already and wont tell you what they want!? It's so frustrating when they tell you to make a list but they aren't willing to do the same.
I did come up with a great idea for them, but then I realized that it would be more than 300$ and yes I love my parents but thats getting a little pricey if I do say so myself.
So I guess its back to the drawing board for me!
Keep your fingers crossed that I come up with something thats semi good and that I get it all done before I have to spend extra to get it there in time.
Now I have the hardest time shopping for other people. I wish it were just simple like it used to be when we were kids in school and would just make a random craft to give to our parents. I was never the overly crafty one, but I know that my parents always loved what I gave them because it came from the heart and I made it.
This year I'm finding it rather difficult to get into the shopping spirit. Maybe its because I procrastinated like I always do or it's because I've spent some money on myself this year and so that mixed with bills have just made me want to scream!
Now my trips that I've spent money on were: I rented a car to go to Edmonton because there were people I wanted to see and because I just needed a break for a few days. So this trip wasn't just for me, but for my sanity and for my friends who I havent seen in years. All around it was great trip and it gave me the boost I was looking for.
The other trip that I paid for is a trip home in January. This one I am more than just little excited about. The last time I was home was in July and it was only for 2.5 days for my brothers wedding. Yes it was great time being with family, but it was so rushed and jam packed with things that I didnt really get a chance to visit and do things. So I thought I would take the opportunity to go home when a seat sale arose, and it did so I booked it and I cannot wait to get home and see so many people and just have a good time. This trip is going to give me the boost that I need and it cannot come soon enough.
So these 2 trips are what is costing me money and making me hate shopping for people. Now I can shop for the people who live close to me because that can be done up until the last shopping day if I desire, but its the people who live back home that I'm having issues with.
Josh and Lyla will be easy, but its really my parents I have no sweet clue as to what I can get them.
What do you get people who have everything already and wont tell you what they want!? It's so frustrating when they tell you to make a list but they aren't willing to do the same.
I did come up with a great idea for them, but then I realized that it would be more than 300$ and yes I love my parents but thats getting a little pricey if I do say so myself.
So I guess its back to the drawing board for me!
Keep your fingers crossed that I come up with something thats semi good and that I get it all done before I have to spend extra to get it there in time.
Monday, November 5, 2012
"Everything has Changed"
By the title of this blog, which are lyrics from the Taylor Swift album "Red", you can probably tell that Im going to be writing about changes in my life.
There have been quite a few as of late.
Recently 2 of closest friends got married and I couldnt be happier for them. Their happiness means the world to me.
This has brought on many changes, I dont have any close friends left really. I dont have much of a life, and Im sure if I made more of an effort on some occasions I would, but in all honesty right now Im not motivated enough to try. The things that used to make me happy no longer do.
I have been dreaming of home lately a lot, and missing all of my friends from there. No they weren't from the same "crowd" as me, but they were great friends who understood me and were accepting of who I was and that was everything I needed from them. Some people just arent as understanding as I would hope, but thats ok.
I've been wondering why I live in Calgary a lot lately.
Yes I love my job a lot and that is great. I love IKEA and I love that Im so close to Laura. But my question is, is it enough?
Its funny because when I lived in edmonton I moved home after 14 months of living there, and I have just surpassed that mark here in Calgary.
I guess its just hard being here and not having things be the way I thought it would be.
If I were to ever move home I dont know how I would handle that. I love my family a lot but I dont love that if I were closer I think some people would try to control my life in some aspects, and I dont want to disappoint those I love. At least living here they cant see my disappointments.
I've gone through a lot over this last year and it has taken a toll on me, but I think that I have handled things in an ok way. I've gotten passed a lot of it, but there are somethings that still haunt me, but I'm sure that those things will haunt me for a long time. I'm over it for the most part.
Im dying to go home for a visit and Im hoping that this will make me remember why I wanted to live in Calgary and that I will be dying to get back here, but I dont know.
Its frustrating me thinking about how much I actually miss it there. I dont think Halifax has a lot to offer me but I know that I have more friends there than I do here, and thats a big factor for me.
I dont do well alone and right now I feel alone.
Everything has changed...
There have been quite a few as of late.
Recently 2 of closest friends got married and I couldnt be happier for them. Their happiness means the world to me.
This has brought on many changes, I dont have any close friends left really. I dont have much of a life, and Im sure if I made more of an effort on some occasions I would, but in all honesty right now Im not motivated enough to try. The things that used to make me happy no longer do.
I have been dreaming of home lately a lot, and missing all of my friends from there. No they weren't from the same "crowd" as me, but they were great friends who understood me and were accepting of who I was and that was everything I needed from them. Some people just arent as understanding as I would hope, but thats ok.
I've been wondering why I live in Calgary a lot lately.
Yes I love my job a lot and that is great. I love IKEA and I love that Im so close to Laura. But my question is, is it enough?
Its funny because when I lived in edmonton I moved home after 14 months of living there, and I have just surpassed that mark here in Calgary.
I guess its just hard being here and not having things be the way I thought it would be.
If I were to ever move home I dont know how I would handle that. I love my family a lot but I dont love that if I were closer I think some people would try to control my life in some aspects, and I dont want to disappoint those I love. At least living here they cant see my disappointments.
I've gone through a lot over this last year and it has taken a toll on me, but I think that I have handled things in an ok way. I've gotten passed a lot of it, but there are somethings that still haunt me, but I'm sure that those things will haunt me for a long time. I'm over it for the most part.
Im dying to go home for a visit and Im hoping that this will make me remember why I wanted to live in Calgary and that I will be dying to get back here, but I dont know.
Its frustrating me thinking about how much I actually miss it there. I dont think Halifax has a lot to offer me but I know that I have more friends there than I do here, and thats a big factor for me.
I dont do well alone and right now I feel alone.
Everything has changed...
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