"Goodbye to you..."

This post is a farewell post.

I am saying goodbye to my dear molar.

We have had many good times together.

All the eating and chewing that went on has meant a lot to me.

My mouth will never be the same when you will no longer be there.

Molar number 15 I love you and will miss you.

In the words of our dear Avril Lavigne (pre divorce) with a substitution for one word.

"When you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The tooth I came to know is missing too"

Tonight is the last night I will spend with you and it saddens my little heart.
For tomorrow you will be gone, and I will be alone and in pain with a gap in my mouth that will only ever be for you. No one can take your place... Unless someone has 3000$ for an implant!?

Fairwell my dear friend. It has been a journey.
Audios!

Ps- anyone want to come hold my hand???

"Bang Bang BOOM!"

So lets talk about my day shall we?

Well.... my day started off a little earlier than expected...

How early?? MIDNIGHT!

i was not a happy camper.

i woke with a pounding in my mouth and tears rolling down my face.

Lets go back a little while, like 6 months or so.

It all started when i realized that my back molar had a bit of a crack on the top of it. i didnt care because it wasnt hurting at all and it wasnt that big, and well i dont have health insurance so i thought i would wait and see what i could do. Basically, i was testing fate, and well it bit me right in the butt... or should i say tooth!

So there had been zero issues with this tooth, except that food would get stuck and i would have to dig it out, and occasionally i would have a bit of pressure when i bit down on something wrong, but other than that everything was great.

Well, these last few days i have had a little bit of pain here or there but nothing bad or for too long.

Then last night... WABAAAM!! bring on the pain!

So i had to work this morning at 6 and my tooth was aching the entire time i was there... and im talking unreal unbareable pain. it was so bad that my manager told me to punch out and go upstairs to the dentist and get them to fix it because i didnt want it to be absces.

Lucky for me i am a patient at the mic mac dental (well lucky for me today) and so i went up and they take walk ins, also my dentist wasnt there either... both of these are a plus because i HATE my dentist, but thats another story. Then i asked the dreaded question, "do you do payment plans?" remember, i dont have any insurance... the receptonist responded "no. sorry we dont. all you can do is go to a walk in clinic and they will give you something for the pain and then you can come back when you can afford to pay."

I obviously left crying and called my mother immediately! I also went back down to work with tears spilling out of my eyes.

My mom called the dentist and gave them her credit card number so that she could pay for my tooth and i could pay her back.

THANK YOU MOM!

Well i went back up and they took an x-ray, the dentist comes in takes a 2 minute look and says "here are your options: 1.root canal or 2.extraction" I am already at this point worked up and emotional and having an anxiety attack and him saying this wasnt making it any easier. I got really scared and started to cry again. (I guess i should probably mention that i am TERRIFIED of needles and the dentist.)

Come to find out, he wasnt going to do it for me right then. I had to make an appointment with my own dentist.

So i made an appointment, and a different receptionist asked what i was planning on doing and i said i wasnt sure. She told me to go for the root canal and i proceeded to ask her the other dreaded question : "How much will it cost?"

ROOT CANAL: minimum of 600$. NOT including the filling or cap.

Extraction: 107$-250$
HELLO EXTRACTION!

Friday at 5:10pm i will be back in the dentist's chair freaking out and having my tooth pulled.

Until then, these are supposed to be my new BFF

This is my Penicillin. I have an infection which is causing the pain. I have to take one every 6 hours until they are gone. I am not so patiently waiting for the 6 hours to be up because I AM DYING RIGHT NOW!!!

Lets keep our fingers crossed that this kicks in soon because i do not need another wake up call in the middle of the night. I very much enjoy my sleep and would like to get some tonight.

Dear Molar, YOU SUCK!

"I think about more than I forget..."

Woke up this morning and was frustrated.

I did not want to go to work AT ALL!!

I was lucky enough that I got to go home a little early, but it wasnt enough to make me not so frustrated.

It is now almost 7:30pm and my frustration has increased by 1000%

I just wonder why I even try to be happy!!

I get a few weeks where I feel as if I am on cloud 9, and then the insecurities and realities set in.

Its as if the world knows im doing good and I have a smile on my face and decides to just rip the rug out from under me!

All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and then cry.

The night is still young and no ones home so it just might happen!!!

"to look you in the eye and tell you I dont love you..."

Tonight is date night...

I get to have a date with such an adorable man....

Yes I know its monday night and this is not a typical date night but

I just couldnt wait any longer...

This man is hot and sensitive and he just makes me smile!

I adore him.

He does have some poor judgment skills sometimes

But I am willing to look past that.

Dear Bachelor Brad... MARRY ME INSTEAD!
Monday nights will be yours, So Please accept my proposal!

"How could you just walk on by..."

Ok.. So i was going through some old things the other day and came across these old pictures! there are many memories attacted to them, both good and bad, and i just think that they are too funny!

This is me and karen at my first year of girls camp! I was 12! That was almost 12 years ago. I cannot get over how young i look. She was my pixie pal and i loved her! she was the best one i ever had... no offence to the others. I still have that teddy bear and his name is Mr. Fuffy... no i didnt mispell it, theres not supposed to be an "l"

This was my first dance! My hair is soooo long and its also curly! I had a perm back then. If that boy looks familiar its because he is someone that most of you know... it's PETER SMITH!!! Yes i had to make it bold because this really was a blast from the past. Peter was the boy i "Loved" when i was a teenager. He was my first real kiss and you never forget your first kiss.

This one is a little more recent. Its about 2 years old. Laura and i were going to a bonfire at the smiths one sunday, and she decided to bring some of her friends along... Stephen, Ryan, and Kristo. I would like to think of them as my friends too, because lets face it... a girl can never have too many! They always make me laugh and i enjoy talking to them... well i talk to one more than the others, but thats a different story that i probably wont get into for fear of the eye roll from the dear laura! haha

Another blast from the past is the lyrics that i found that a few of us girls wrote at girlscamp either my last year or the year i crashed. They go to the tune of LOVE by dear old frank... you know the one... well here are the lyrics!

B.O.Y.S

B is for the boys who dont like me

O if for the obnoxious way they pee

Y is your so crazy, I want to have your baby

S is so very long that I'll be waiting while you're gone

now boys are more than just a waste of time

boys are all thats on vanessas mind

boys in life can make it

I want you and im not taken

so boys were made for girls like us!

Well... this entry is going to be a bit longer than most.

i've had a few things on my mind lately and those things are REGRETS!

I know you all have them too, and that makes me feel better about myself.

here are just a few to name off:

1. Stupid things i've done. Now i hate that i made these choices but i have learned so much from them. They have changed me for better, and gave me a better understanding of the atonement.

2. I regret dropping out of school. Yes i said it... I regret not finishing my degree... the reasons why i regret it is because this would have been my 4th year and would only have 1 more semester left (i didnt take enough courses to graduate in 4 years). I also regret it because it would mean that i would have done something with my life. Right now im scared that to a certain person i will just be blah! It scares me that i wont be good enough for anyone.

3.I regret deleting all of my old posts from the last 3 years. Mostly because i am IN LOVE with lauras blog books and it makes me wish i still had those posts so that i could do one too haha so if any of you figure it out then please fill me in!

4. Now this regret is a love and hate relationship... earlier i loved it but right now not so much! I regret eating too many mini eggs! haha

Do you have any regrets? please share!

"I'd Lie..."

Dear J.
I am not "man" enough to send this to you, but it's something that I've needed to do for a long time now.
My heart broke when it all went down. I ached for the pain that was caused by this decision and I cried many days and nights because it hurts me so much to see the people i love hurting.
What really sucks the most is that I can kind of understand that you did what you had to do, but I just wish that you hadn't cut me out of your life as well.
I went through a pretty rough time for a while where my choices weren't the best ones, and at one point all I wanted to do was call you up and talk like we used to. You always knew what to say and I loved you for it.
It just feels so weird to not have you around anymore; for you to not be here for me like you were.
The thought of ever contacting you scares me and I wish it didnt have to be that way, but I feel that you made it that way.
Why?? I have so many questions that all start with why... As Im sure most people do, but mine, I think, are different than theirs.
I want you to know, that I will always love the girl I knew, and because of her my life has been changed forever.
You were apart of it for over 5 years and I will cherish every memory I have of and with you.

"Everytime we touch I get this feeling..."

As I'm sure you have all noticed, I've had this obession with my titles being lyrics from songs... Don't ask me why because I really have no sweet clue. Normally, however, I feature a video thats a different song. Today I will include the song to which my title came from.




Why this song? No it has nothing to do with a boy, although I wish it did haha
It just reminds me of my best friend Cortney. We used to sing this song ALL THE TIME! This version is slower than the one we would sing and I quite enjoy it.

I had a flash back to a dance in Edmonton and Cort and I requested this song and the DJ said no because apparently it has suggestive lyrics... Ok!?

Onto other things... aka another song... I have quite the obsession with KESHA. Judge me all you want, but her songs are rather catchy and I just L.O.V.E them.
On her latest album she has a song that I just fell head over heals for and I thought I wouldn't wait and would post it now.





Am I alone in the love for this song???

Also I feel rather good right now that I've been posting on a semi regular basis. I may even post later on tonight or tomorrow... but I'm sure you all know not to hold your breath.