"I think about more than I forget..."

Woke up this morning and was frustrated.

I did not want to go to work AT ALL!!

I was lucky enough that I got to go home a little early, but it wasnt enough to make me not so frustrated.

It is now almost 7:30pm and my frustration has increased by 1000%

I just wonder why I even try to be happy!!

I get a few weeks where I feel as if I am on cloud 9, and then the insecurities and realities set in.

Its as if the world knows im doing good and I have a smile on my face and decides to just rip the rug out from under me!

All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and then cry.

The night is still young and no ones home so it just might happen!!!

"to look you in the eye and tell you I dont love you..."

Tonight is date night...

I get to have a date with such an adorable man....

Yes I know its monday night and this is not a typical date night but

I just couldnt wait any longer...

This man is hot and sensitive and he just makes me smile!

I adore him.

He does have some poor judgment skills sometimes

But I am willing to look past that.

Dear Bachelor Brad... MARRY ME INSTEAD!
Monday nights will be yours, So Please accept my proposal!

"How could you just walk on by..."

Ok.. So i was going through some old things the other day and came across these old pictures! there are many memories attacted to them, both good and bad, and i just think that they are too funny!

This is me and karen at my first year of girls camp! I was 12! That was almost 12 years ago. I cannot get over how young i look. She was my pixie pal and i loved her! she was the best one i ever had... no offence to the others. I still have that teddy bear and his name is Mr. Fuffy... no i didnt mispell it, theres not supposed to be an "l"

This was my first dance! My hair is soooo long and its also curly! I had a perm back then. If that boy looks familiar its because he is someone that most of you know... it's PETER SMITH!!! Yes i had to make it bold because this really was a blast from the past. Peter was the boy i "Loved" when i was a teenager. He was my first real kiss and you never forget your first kiss.

This one is a little more recent. Its about 2 years old. Laura and i were going to a bonfire at the smiths one sunday, and she decided to bring some of her friends along... Stephen, Ryan, and Kristo. I would like to think of them as my friends too, because lets face it... a girl can never have too many! They always make me laugh and i enjoy talking to them... well i talk to one more than the others, but thats a different story that i probably wont get into for fear of the eye roll from the dear laura! haha

Another blast from the past is the lyrics that i found that a few of us girls wrote at girlscamp either my last year or the year i crashed. They go to the tune of LOVE by dear old frank... you know the one... well here are the lyrics!

B.O.Y.S

B is for the boys who dont like me

O if for the obnoxious way they pee

Y is your so crazy, I want to have your baby

S is so very long that I'll be waiting while you're gone

now boys are more than just a waste of time

boys are all thats on vanessas mind

boys in life can make it

I want you and im not taken

so boys were made for girls like us!

Well... this entry is going to be a bit longer than most.

i've had a few things on my mind lately and those things are REGRETS!

I know you all have them too, and that makes me feel better about myself.

here are just a few to name off:

1. Stupid things i've done. Now i hate that i made these choices but i have learned so much from them. They have changed me for better, and gave me a better understanding of the atonement.

2. I regret dropping out of school. Yes i said it... I regret not finishing my degree... the reasons why i regret it is because this would have been my 4th year and would only have 1 more semester left (i didnt take enough courses to graduate in 4 years). I also regret it because it would mean that i would have done something with my life. Right now im scared that to a certain person i will just be blah! It scares me that i wont be good enough for anyone.

3.I regret deleting all of my old posts from the last 3 years. Mostly because i am IN LOVE with lauras blog books and it makes me wish i still had those posts so that i could do one too haha so if any of you figure it out then please fill me in!

4. Now this regret is a love and hate relationship... earlier i loved it but right now not so much! I regret eating too many mini eggs! haha

Do you have any regrets? please share!

"I'd Lie..."

Dear J.
I am not "man" enough to send this to you, but it's something that I've needed to do for a long time now.
My heart broke when it all went down. I ached for the pain that was caused by this decision and I cried many days and nights because it hurts me so much to see the people i love hurting.
What really sucks the most is that I can kind of understand that you did what you had to do, but I just wish that you hadn't cut me out of your life as well.
I went through a pretty rough time for a while where my choices weren't the best ones, and at one point all I wanted to do was call you up and talk like we used to. You always knew what to say and I loved you for it.
It just feels so weird to not have you around anymore; for you to not be here for me like you were.
The thought of ever contacting you scares me and I wish it didnt have to be that way, but I feel that you made it that way.
Why?? I have so many questions that all start with why... As Im sure most people do, but mine, I think, are different than theirs.
I want you to know, that I will always love the girl I knew, and because of her my life has been changed forever.
You were apart of it for over 5 years and I will cherish every memory I have of and with you.

"Everytime we touch I get this feeling..."

As I'm sure you have all noticed, I've had this obession with my titles being lyrics from songs... Don't ask me why because I really have no sweet clue. Normally, however, I feature a video thats a different song. Today I will include the song to which my title came from.




Why this song? No it has nothing to do with a boy, although I wish it did haha
It just reminds me of my best friend Cortney. We used to sing this song ALL THE TIME! This version is slower than the one we would sing and I quite enjoy it.

I had a flash back to a dance in Edmonton and Cort and I requested this song and the DJ said no because apparently it has suggestive lyrics... Ok!?

Onto other things... aka another song... I have quite the obsession with KESHA. Judge me all you want, but her songs are rather catchy and I just L.O.V.E them.
On her latest album she has a song that I just fell head over heals for and I thought I wouldn't wait and would post it now.





Am I alone in the love for this song???

Also I feel rather good right now that I've been posting on a semi regular basis. I may even post later on tonight or tomorrow... but I'm sure you all know not to hold your breath.

"Everybody wants something, just a little more..."

Have you ever found yourself living in a fantasy?
That's been me these past few days.
I just can't quite seem to snap back into reality.
I wish that I could just pick which life I can lead, & lets just say...
It's for sure not the boring one that I'm living right now!!

"Tears Don't Fall They Crash Around Me..."

Do you ever cry yourself asleep because you feel like you're not good enough?
Do you ever wake up and tears are rolling down your face because you hate the feeling of being vulnerable?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the worry that lingers in your soul?
Do you ever just wish they would tell you it was all ok?