"to look you in the eye and tell you I dont love you..."

Tonight is date night...

I get to have a date with such an adorable man....

Yes I know its monday night and this is not a typical date night but

I just couldnt wait any longer...

This man is hot and sensitive and he just makes me smile!

I adore him.

He does have some poor judgment skills sometimes

But I am willing to look past that.

Dear Bachelor Brad... MARRY ME INSTEAD!
Monday nights will be yours, So Please accept my proposal!

"How could you just walk on by..."

Ok.. So i was going through some old things the other day and came across these old pictures! there are many memories attacted to them, both good and bad, and i just think that they are too funny!

This is me and karen at my first year of girls camp! I was 12! That was almost 12 years ago. I cannot get over how young i look. She was my pixie pal and i loved her! she was the best one i ever had... no offence to the others. I still have that teddy bear and his name is Mr. Fuffy... no i didnt mispell it, theres not supposed to be an "l"

This was my first dance! My hair is soooo long and its also curly! I had a perm back then. If that boy looks familiar its because he is someone that most of you know... it's PETER SMITH!!! Yes i had to make it bold because this really was a blast from the past. Peter was the boy i "Loved" when i was a teenager. He was my first real kiss and you never forget your first kiss.

This one is a little more recent. Its about 2 years old. Laura and i were going to a bonfire at the smiths one sunday, and she decided to bring some of her friends along... Stephen, Ryan, and Kristo. I would like to think of them as my friends too, because lets face it... a girl can never have too many! They always make me laugh and i enjoy talking to them... well i talk to one more than the others, but thats a different story that i probably wont get into for fear of the eye roll from the dear laura! haha

Another blast from the past is the lyrics that i found that a few of us girls wrote at girlscamp either my last year or the year i crashed. They go to the tune of LOVE by dear old frank... you know the one... well here are the lyrics!

B.O.Y.S

B is for the boys who dont like me

O if for the obnoxious way they pee

Y is your so crazy, I want to have your baby

S is so very long that I'll be waiting while you're gone

now boys are more than just a waste of time

boys are all thats on vanessas mind

boys in life can make it

I want you and im not taken

so boys were made for girls like us!

Well... this entry is going to be a bit longer than most.

i've had a few things on my mind lately and those things are REGRETS!

I know you all have them too, and that makes me feel better about myself.

here are just a few to name off:

1. Stupid things i've done. Now i hate that i made these choices but i have learned so much from them. They have changed me for better, and gave me a better understanding of the atonement.

2. I regret dropping out of school. Yes i said it... I regret not finishing my degree... the reasons why i regret it is because this would have been my 4th year and would only have 1 more semester left (i didnt take enough courses to graduate in 4 years). I also regret it because it would mean that i would have done something with my life. Right now im scared that to a certain person i will just be blah! It scares me that i wont be good enough for anyone.

3.I regret deleting all of my old posts from the last 3 years. Mostly because i am IN LOVE with lauras blog books and it makes me wish i still had those posts so that i could do one too haha so if any of you figure it out then please fill me in!

4. Now this regret is a love and hate relationship... earlier i loved it but right now not so much! I regret eating too many mini eggs! haha

Do you have any regrets? please share!

"I'd Lie..."

Dear J.
I am not "man" enough to send this to you, but it's something that I've needed to do for a long time now.
My heart broke when it all went down. I ached for the pain that was caused by this decision and I cried many days and nights because it hurts me so much to see the people i love hurting.
What really sucks the most is that I can kind of understand that you did what you had to do, but I just wish that you hadn't cut me out of your life as well.
I went through a pretty rough time for a while where my choices weren't the best ones, and at one point all I wanted to do was call you up and talk like we used to. You always knew what to say and I loved you for it.
It just feels so weird to not have you around anymore; for you to not be here for me like you were.
The thought of ever contacting you scares me and I wish it didnt have to be that way, but I feel that you made it that way.
Why?? I have so many questions that all start with why... As Im sure most people do, but mine, I think, are different than theirs.
I want you to know, that I will always love the girl I knew, and because of her my life has been changed forever.
You were apart of it for over 5 years and I will cherish every memory I have of and with you.

"Everytime we touch I get this feeling..."

As I'm sure you have all noticed, I've had this obession with my titles being lyrics from songs... Don't ask me why because I really have no sweet clue. Normally, however, I feature a video thats a different song. Today I will include the song to which my title came from.




Why this song? No it has nothing to do with a boy, although I wish it did haha
It just reminds me of my best friend Cortney. We used to sing this song ALL THE TIME! This version is slower than the one we would sing and I quite enjoy it.

I had a flash back to a dance in Edmonton and Cort and I requested this song and the DJ said no because apparently it has suggestive lyrics... Ok!?

Onto other things... aka another song... I have quite the obsession with KESHA. Judge me all you want, but her songs are rather catchy and I just L.O.V.E them.
On her latest album she has a song that I just fell head over heals for and I thought I wouldn't wait and would post it now.





Am I alone in the love for this song???

Also I feel rather good right now that I've been posting on a semi regular basis. I may even post later on tonight or tomorrow... but I'm sure you all know not to hold your breath.

"Everybody wants something, just a little more..."

Have you ever found yourself living in a fantasy?
That's been me these past few days.
I just can't quite seem to snap back into reality.
I wish that I could just pick which life I can lead, & lets just say...
It's for sure not the boring one that I'm living right now!!

"Tears Don't Fall They Crash Around Me..."

Do you ever cry yourself asleep because you feel like you're not good enough?
Do you ever wake up and tears are rolling down your face because you hate the feeling of being vulnerable?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the worry that lingers in your soul?
Do you ever just wish they would tell you it was all ok?

i'm baaacccckk! with a survey! (laura made me)

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...
is perfect just the way it is... popping out of my shirt haha j/k

2. I've come to realize that my job...
gives me ZERO satisfaction

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
i like to flirt with my 22 year old driving instructor!

4. I've come to realize that I need...
get rid of some clothes in my closet so that laura can have somethings new to wear

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
space in my own room... thank jewel for graciously giving me ONE drawer!

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
people say that i told them information that i didnt even know in the first place so that their gossiping doesnt seem so bad.


7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
the dome has betrayed me haha

8. I've come to realize that money...
although i would like it to, does not grow on the tree in my backyard

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
need to come home... dad where you be yo?

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...
be a shopoholic.. thank you laura for pointing that out!

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
well josh is cool... jeremy i dont know about because i havent seen him in almost 3 years!

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is just like my grandmother... this comment has made her cry her before. thank you josh on christmas eve!

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is not another appendage

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
that i have to go back to work on monday and i dont want to

15. I've come to realize last night before I went to sleep...
that nyquil is drowsy!

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
laura made me do this survey and i am sorry

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is still not home... and also not really funny but i laugh at his jokes anyway

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
no one has written on my wall... but i still go on anyway.

19. I've come to realize that today…
is another day that i did not figure out how to slow down time

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
laura "needed" a friend and i had to leave a party because of it

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
i will have no friends at general conference for the first time ever

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
go to utah to see corty and i guess my brother too

23. I've come to realize that my butt...
will never grow.. it will forever and always be nonexistant

24. I've come to realize that life...
needs to be more eventful

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
is not a long enough break from the slavery

26. I've come to realize that marriage...
is very far off in the maybe distant future

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
dont love me that much or else they would have stayed here... with the exception of laura

28. I've come to realize that this year...
has produced ZERO relationships... not surprised considering my options

29. I've come to realize that my ex is...
very unsure how a first kiss should go... unless you like fish out of water sucking for air all over your face! his name rhymes with spark! which our relationship was lacking many of...

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
get a big girl job... any suggestions?

31. I've come to realize that I love...
pretty much all the same things i did when i was little

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
why nova scotia is on the other side of the country

33. I've come to realize my past...
should always stay in the past

34. I've come to realize that parties...
arent always a good idea

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
of not being good enough.

see ya in another couple of months! hahaha