A quick post

So I'm actually posting from my iPod while lying on my bed that is actually a fouton. Why is my bed a fouton? Well that's because I moved to Calgary a little over a month ago and I can't afford a real bed but I do love my fouton. I will hopefully post pictures at some point of what my dear little room looks like. It's starting to look like a real room right now and I love it. Speaking of love I love Calgary! I forgot how much I did but I totally do. Now I'm not as sociable as Laura is but I'm ok with that. I have run into many people that i've known from over the years. I have run into a total of 2 ex's and one was ok nut the second was a little more awkward for me. I also like a boy.... SHOCKER! But that is a long long story that I'm not going to get into right now. I'm tired and well typing on my iPod isn't all it's cracked up yo be. I just thought that since it's been a long time I would give a quick update. I do miss the blogger world and I will hopefully be back soon and more consistantly!
Audios amigos!

updates, updates, UPDATES!

a quick update is needed i think, seeing that i havent blogged in a while, and well it is april. well.. as im sure you all have heard via laura, we went and saw Never Say Never for a 4th time.

sorry its kinda dark... i forgot to make them brighter before uploading them on here, and well im not doing it again because my computer is being stupid and freezing every few seconds. we also brought children this time so that we didnt look so lame.. epic fail! haha the girls wouldnt dance or sing with me. but the guys down the row sure did... whether they were making fun of me or not i appreciated their enthusiam! (the movie comes out may 14th!) so last weekend i spent 5 hours at my brothers house where lyla wanted to push the button on the camera and seeing that her arms arent that long, the picture is rather close! but i dont care because i love love LOVE my monkey! the reason behind my visit was so that my brother could get his wetsuit back and so that if needed, i was there to provide assistance. thankfully he did it all on his own! lyla wanted a picture of her and daddy wearing his wetsuit. i just love that little girl. she is my favorite person in the ENTIRE world! no offence to anyone else who i just adore, but this little monket won my heart the moment i saw her almost 3 years ago! needless to say, those 5 hours at my brothers house was the highlight of my parents being away. i never thought my brother and i could actually sit and have a conversation that didnt feel awkward or didnt feel as if i was just trying to fill the silence that always seems to follow us whenever we are alone. that saturday, my love for my brother grew leaps and bounds, and for that i am thankful!

onto more recent things... MY TAX RETURN CAME TODAY!! its not as much as last year, but hey, 1,258$ is enough to keep me a happy girl. the other thing that came today... a postcard all the way from wyoming, where cortney has been visiting. she has been traveling the states when she can and has been sending me postcards from all the places she has been and i just LOVE it. the other thing that i got today that has brought probably the BIGGEST smile to my face... EFY HAS REQUESTED MY PAPERWORK!!! that means, i fill them out, then they send me my contracts to accept!! i have been waiting for this for what seems like FOREVER! ive made some stupid, yet much needed, decisions this past year and i thought that because of those i wouldnt get accepted. but ive been praying real hard that i get it, and well, i have come to know that even though praying for something that seems so pointless to others, but is important to me, the lord will answer it to fit our needs... and well EFY means the world to me and i am so SO grateful for it! anyway, i need to get going because while my parents have been away i havent had a fire going, therefore my feet are about to fall off!!!

when the ink hits the page!

some times, when im full of thoughts and feelings, i take pen to paper and end up writing. some times i write peoms and other times i write lyrics. not everyone knows that about me. i actually have quite a bit of things that ive written. thats why my minor in school was gonna be creative writing. i just love it. but for the past while i havent been writing very much at all. i used to write all the time when i lived on my own, and i think its because i just had so much more going on with my life and i was just so full of emotions.
tonight, however, i was over flowing with this immense feeling of lonliness and i once again put pen to paper and i fell in love.
i wrote a song... theres no music to it, and i also dont think its any good. and its ok. this is my way of getting my feelings out.
i dont express myself very easily... just ask mark! haha
well i thought i would share it with you. i called it...

"suddenly"

[verse 1]
we said goodbye before our time was up
we said goodbye way too soon
it all eneded in a cloud of dust
but in the end it was me not you

[bridge]
i let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!

[chorus]
suddenly i regret it all and suddenly i want to take it all back
suddenly you're everything i ever wanted
suddenly you are everything i lack!

[verse 2]
we had a fight, to add to the list of many
but this time it was bigger than the rest
although it was pointless, just like the others
it still left a whole in my chest.


[bridge]
i let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!


[chorus]
suddenly i regret it all and suddenly i want to take it all back
suddenly you're everything i ever wanted
suddenly you are everything i lack!

[verse 3]
i want to look you in the eyes and say that im sorry
i want to hold you in my arms and make everything right
but i know i cant take back the words i said to you
i know that forever with us ended that night!

I let you walk away when i should have said stop
i let you walk away, and with you, you took my heart!

well... thats what came out tonight when the ink hit the page.

Happy week for me...

this week has been a pretty good week. now i dont normally admit to having one of those, but i will tell you the reasons why this week has just been oh so AWESOME!!!

1. i got my temple reccommend back!!!
2. havent had to work very much
3. my parents left today until the 11th of arpil!
4. i got paid today... even though i forgot that this was the last pay before the end of the month, which means student loan payments, i am quite happy with the amount that i got... even if i dont get to keep the majority of it.
5. i bribed laura with a movie date to see NEVER SAY NEVER one last time before they take it out of theatres.

6. i am off on friday now!
7. i have the house to myself and the car. (this kinda goes with #3, but its so great that it deserved its very own number)

so this week has been a great week even though its only wednesday!
i am happy!
hope you are all happy too!!!

look away if you dont like gross toes

today was my short shift at work: 8:30 - 1:00. i was pretty happy that i would get to go to bed early because i really havent slept much at all this week.
well im at work, you know doing my thing, and i was asked to check out back in what we call our high density shelving units (HDS) for some shirts.
at the end of each HDS there are grid like panels that can have hooks on them. so on a few of them there are hooks holding up a bunch of callapsable metal rolling racks.
so to make a long story short, i moved the HDS (cause they move so that we can store product on a million different sides) and a rolling rack fell off its hook. i then proceed to put it back up but when i did it came crashing down with the sharper side smashing on my foot. OUCH!!
i look at my shoe and it has a circular indent from the rack because it fell a good 2 feet really fasta nd hard.
here are my thoughts when this moment happened:
1. $^%@&^
2. ohh the pain
3. my shoe has an indent!?
4. maybe i should take it off
5. dont think anythings wrong, but lets take off the sock just to make sure
6. OHHH BLOOD!

7. leave shoe and sock on floor and walk to the bandaids
8. too much pain. must sit down. hold toe tightly. make horse noises
9. walkie laura and ask her to come to the back.

so i wait for laura in pretty severe pain... for those of you who dont know me, my threshold for pain is rather weak haha especially if there is blood.

anyway i bandage it up and clean up the trail of blood i left behind me and get back to work.
so of course when i got home i had to take a picture so that i could document this for all the world to see...

so... thats my big toe. ugly i know.
the rack fell right where my cuttical is and cut through my shoe and sock without actually cutting either my shoe or sock. that just goes to show how hard it actually fell.
well... we think my toenail might fall off because of the fact that it probably disconnected my toenail right at the bottom.
if i lose my toe.. i will not be a happy camper at all.
so, thats the story of my toe.
off to bed i go!
good night!!!

ps- i was at angies tonight her their roommates cat is not used to her dogs because he just got here and well it was sitting in the chair with me and went to swat the dog and missed and got my toe pretty hard.
it is safe to say that any contact that is more than just a gentle graze of a sock, finger, or blanket, REALLY HURTS!!

A night with NO sleep

lets start off by saying that yesterday i had to get up at 5am to be at work for 6am...
after work my friend angie wanted to hang out because her boyfriend and our other friends boyfriend were going out down town. i said that i would hang and eventually agreed to sleep at her house because we both worked at the same time today.
last night, aka this morning, between the hours of 3:30 & 5am i got about 1 hour of sleep IF THAT!

only having that little sleep is not a good thing for me, but i am happy that i did and i am happy that i stayed with angie because our friends boyfriend tried to drive home drunk. it was a really hard thing to deal with and it was scary. he got behind the wheel and actually started to drive home with me chasing him down the street in the cold wearing nothing on my feet but now wet socks screaming his name. begging him to come back. he did eventually come back and was safe. he was safe, but he was stupid.
it makes me grateful for the fact that i dont need alcohol to have a fun night, and that i am smarter than him because i would never do something so stupid as to get behind the wheel of a car if i ever did.
i am grateful for my friends and the support they give me, because as some of you know, i do stupid things some times and dont always make the right choices. ive, on occasion, have had many errors in judgment, but my true friends have stuck by me no matter what i decided to do in the end, and i love them for it.
i am happy that my life has more meaning to it than a bunch of random drunken nights thrown together over the course of lets say 8 years.
yes, ok, i may not lead a very exciting life, and i may only just hang with my friends at their houses talking or just watching tv with the occasional shopping trip, or expedition to the movies, but i know that my life will be a better one because of the choices i make to not drink.
my life is mine and i have control over the choices i make, as do all of you,
and i choose to live happily in all my soberness. even if it means spending nights at home alone. at least i know im being smart and safe.

a blog FULL of complaints...

to start off i must state that i called my mom on friday and asked if she and my dad were going anywhere and if they were could they please drop off the car to me because it was cold and i didnt want to bus the hour and a half home... my mom said no!
this is a re-cap of how crappy my day was yesterday. yes i know that people dont like it when others complain, but thats too bad because i had a REALLY bad day yesterday and well, i wanted to write about it.
yesterday i had only 4 hours of sleep because i was having chest pain and i just couldnt seem to shake them and it kept me up for a while. i had to work at 11 which meant catching the bus at 9:30. i get upstairs to get something to drink before i left and my mom is sitting on the couch reading, and my dad is still in bed sleeping. i then realize that they dont have to work. i waited for my mom to say something like "hey take the car" but all she said was "i hope you have an umbrella!"
so from that im sure you can tell it was raining out. and well the rain doesnt bother me that much, as long as its not pouring out. when i stepped outside i noticed that it was doing a little more than just drizzling, but it wasnt too bad. i took the 10 steps from my door to the road and it started to rain cats and dogs and every other animal on noahs ark. to say the least, i was not impressed. here my mom was sitting in the living room and in my house you can hear and see the rain from where she was sitting and she didnt even move an inch (well if she did then it wasnt to come out and tell me she would drive me)
by the time i made it 5 houses down the street i was soaked. when i walked i could feel the water filling up in my shoes. my jeans were being dragged down because they were so wet.
well i get to the end of the street where i can see my bus stop (which is a ten minute walk away) and the bus drives by! so i then had to walk another 10 minutes to the other stop and wait in the rain for 7 minutes because there was no shelter, which i think is wrong. there should be a shelter at every stop because of days like these.
i get to work and i walk in and am PISSED BEYOND BELIEF!
i was cold and wet and mad and had been crying because i was so mad. i had to buy a new outfit. i got the cheapest thing i could get and that was a dress, a cardigan and flip flops. so i froze all day. the only good thing was, was that it only cost me 30$ but it was 30$ i didnt want to spend at all.
then while working this is what happened to me:
-> i said hello to a lady and she laughed in my face for no reason.
-> 2 ladys set a bunch of things down that they didnt want right in front of me so i turned, looked at them and went "excuse me!" as i picked up the things they so kindly dropped off.
-> i had to go to subway to buy a few gift cards for this thing we were doing and the girl let a million other people go before me when i was there first and played "guess which sub they got" so it took 10 times longer.
-> i waited in another line somewhere else for 15 minutes just for them to tell me they dont do giftcards.
-> i bit my lip rather hard
-> i burnt my hand washing them
im sure there were other things, but thats all i can remember. i was really mad yesterday and i didnt want to have to bus home. so my dear friend angie came and picked me up so that we could hang out afterwards. we thought about going to a movie, but we were too early for any of the shows so we went to walmart, where i almost bought a new tv because when im mad i like to spend money, but lucky for me no money was spent there.
we ended up going back to angies and just hanging out for a bit. it was the best part of my day.
now its sunday and i had to fight to have the car today so that i could go to church for sacrament and then go to work from 3-12... but i may not get out at 12, and i have to work at 9:30-6:30 tomorrow.... i cant wait for tomorrow to be over because i have tuesday off, and because tomorrow is the finale of the bachelor and laura and i have plans to watch it together... where i will eat tons and junk and get fat for the both of us... it brings on a whole new meaning to the saying "eating for two" haha
well heres to hoping today goes better than the last 2!

Old Friends...

the one thing i like about old friends, is that you can go months without talking and then pick up where you left of.
thats what this evening has been.
i decided to message this guy i have never met before, but used to write while he was on his mission. and i can say that i am glad that i did.
there's been some highs and lows of our friendship, but tonight right before he signed off facebook chat he goes:
Chris:"before i go i want to do something we used to do..."
Me: "what??"
Chris:"quotes!"
Me: "ohh haha"
Chris: " "what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" walt emerson."

i LOVE that quote!!!
just thought i would share it with all of you!

My Challenge...

ok, so i know that we dont do the whole lent thing, but i thought that this year i would give it a try.
yes thats right, i am giving something up for the 40 days.
and no, it is not junk food/sweets!
that is what everyone says the moment i say im doing this.
but what ive decided to give up, is....
BUYING MOVIES & CD'S & SEASONS
now this does not include going to the movies though.
for those of you who dont know me, entertainment, such as the ones forementioned, are pretty much my life!!!
i have a sick obsession.
i own approximately 300 movies, and 100 seasons.
so this is what im giving up!
wish me luck!!!!!


ok... onto other things.
my thoughts and prayers are with japan right now.
it sucks that they were hit with a tsunami.
tragedy's always make me sad. and whats even more sad, is that the west coast is on alert.
it worries me because it could happen here one day, and i live right by the water and i suck at swimming so i wouldnt survive.
people think that nothing bad can ever happen to us, but hey if the oceans plateletes shift enough it will cause an earthquake and could cause either a tsunami or a decent size tidal wave. (yes i somewhat listened in my geography class)
knowing what happened in japan made me think about all the things i am thankful for in my life.
it also made me worry about the ones i love because i know that i really cant do anything to protect them and it worries me that one day something might happen to them.

well.. i guess i should probably mention one other thing tonight.
today at work i hear over the walkies
"vanessa, theres a girl in the store with a justin bieber doll!"
i immediately start my hunt for set girl.
i find her.
she shows me the doll.
THE DOLL SINGS ONE LESS LONELY GIRL!
i contemplate going to Toys R Us to buy this doll.
i realize im crazy and should just ask for it for my birthday haha
so... consider this my first birthday item list.
you have until may 20th to buy it!!!

so... this is what i want.
the best part is the little girls grandma asked me what i thought of the biebs new hair cut.
yay for grandmas keeping up with the biebs!!!

well... happy friday to you all and wish me luck on working 7 days then off for 1 then work 4 then off 1 then who knows!!
i want to die!! haha but the money will be good!!

Night!!

I Think You've Guessed It...

So i've admitted that i have the bieber fever, and i have told laura that she was right when she said that i would love it.
I have already seen the movie twice, and am going for the third time tonight.
I can hear all you "non- beliebers" already saying "ARE YOU CRAZY!?"
And well, i am comfortable being weird and lame and possibly even stupid (acording to you that is), and all i have to say to you is
DON'T BOO IT TILL YOU DO IT!
Just to clarify though, im not all like oooohhhhh justin bieber, like the teeny boppers are. I just appreciate his talent and his drive. I admire him.
Quite frankly, im jealous.
No, not jealous of his fame (although that is a perk), I am jealous that he is so talented and able to perform infront of people.
I play the piano and im terrified to let people hear me play.

My word of advice to all you BELIEBERS out there...
Go get his CDS!
I DID!

Ok... onto other things that are not JB related...
As im sure you have all noticed, I have the little app thing that shows me where my readers come from, and I was SHOCKED today to see that there are people reading this from all over the world.
It makes me feel special and important haha
So Thank you too all those non canadian readers, and to my fellow canadians as well.
I dont write this for people to read but it does make it more worth my while.

Sick...

I woke up this morning and i have a cold... BOOO!
But this, however, isnt the type of sick i've been wanting to talk about...

I'VE GOT THE FEVER!!!!

Earlier this week i went to the movie i SWORE i would never go see.
I FELL IN LOVE!
if you look at lauras and my hoodies and you have seen the movie, then you may think that they look rather familiar...
yes, they are Justin Bieber hoodies.
yes, i also want to go get the gray one as well.
When the movie first started i really had no real attatchment to it. it just wasnt that appealing.
and then it showed him in concert singing One Time and it won be over.
I can say that that was the moment when it all changed for me haha
He is just too cute... and no I dont mean in the way all the little teeny boppers see him. He is just something else.
Scooter Braun and that other guy (who i cannot remember his name for the life of me but he rapped about Omaha mall) however, HELLO!
I am also going to NSN3D again on monday with my friend megan and i cannot wait.
me and the biebs are bff's, ive decided!
For all of you who think you are too good or cool to see this film and say that you wont ever see it...

NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

3.5 hours...

last night i had a total of 3.5 hours of sleep!
no that is not a typo, thats all i got.

i went out in the CRRRAAAAZZY weather to watch bachelor brad with laura and i was not disappointed.

i got hone around 11:30pm and had to get up at 5am.

i laid in bed for quite some time with many thoughts running through my head.

the main thought; do i regreat posting that last post!?
after lots of tossing and turning, i came to realize that i really dont care.

i write what i feel and well thats how i felt.

i just wish i had gotten more sleep though because today was brutal.

it is now 7:40pm and i am heading to my bed.
cross your fingers that i get more sleep tonight.

5am comes quick, but 3pm is slow to arrive!

Boys, this one is for YOU!

The what NOT's to do!

1. Dont tell her bestfriend that you like her (the bff will def tell the girl)

2. Dont hold her hand & kiss it

3. Dont kiss her forehead

4. Dont kiss her then proceed to throw up

5. Dont text her everyday

6. Dont make plans weeks in advance just to blow her off

7. Dont blow her off EVER!

8. Dont make plans then try to back out

9. Dont have her pick you up for the movies

10. Dont tell her when you get there that you arent going to pay, and when she says "I didnt ask you to" say "good!"

11. While at the movie DO NOT text your ex girlfriend.

12. Do not run out of the car when she drops you off because when you say "Im sure i will be talking to you later" and she says "maybe", she really means YOU SUCK!

Now boys... dont do any of this if you like a girl.
If you like her then slowly decide that its best to not persue it then just cut it off. preferably before the vomitting!

The BIG 51

51, its a big number.
You know when you have 51 cents, you almost have one dollar.
when you turn 51, most people have their mid life crisis.

when you go 51 in a 50km area you are techinically speeding.

when you bowl a 51 YOU SUCK!

who on earth bowled a 51??
... i did.

Things I miss,,,

Im sitting here watching my tv boyfriend, bachelor Brad, and im thinking about the things that i miss...
here are 10:

1.writting consistantly (blogging excluded)
2.school (i can hear you all gasping!)
3.not waking up at 5am
4.reading books. i have like ten BILLION just sitting in my room unopened.
5.having a life on a regular basis
6.my blackberry curve... stupid telus!
7.my brother jeremy
8.the mountains
9.my grammie
10. my bestfriend/sister cortney!!

if i could have all the things that i wanted or missed then life would be a much happier place.
but for now i am grateful for the things that i DO have and for the people that are in it, even if it means i get hurt on occassion.

Story Time

Once upon a time....

it was a saturday evening, and like all other saturday evenings 2 best friends were having a slumber.
one of these girls needed to bake some cupcakes so the 2 of them decided to move their evening into the kitchen.

the one girl (not making the cupcakes) did not want to sit on the hard chairs anymore, so they decided to take the couch pillows instead.

as they removed the pillows from the couch they were surprised to find...

A DINOSOUR!!!



as the 2 girls took a closer look they saw that this little dino had quite the adventure around the couch.




it had appeared that he was traveling around the couch to eat the crumbs some little children had shoved in there for who knows how long...




these crumbs looked like bird seeds but the dino, who i call bob, loved them very much.

he ate pile upon pile...


and this was his end goal... to eat all the seeds in the couch!
The End!

is he still there?
I really do not know.
Maybe the little children have left something other than bird seeds for our dear friend bob.
who knows!?

"I dont wanna be anything other than what i've been tryin to be lately..."

So, i guess an update is required involving my beloved tooth.
it is dead. it is gone. it is missed. it has left a pain in my jaw

THAT JUST WONT GO AWAY!!!
so to make a long story short (so that laura can be spared from hearing/reading this story yet again) it hurt and i freaked out and i almost threw up.
apparently my jaw will hurt for a while, which sucks because it hurts to open my mouth all the way so it makes it harder to eat.

Ok... onto other things...
today is the dreaded "ha ha you're still single" day and well it makes me mad because i am spending it alone watching some OTH.
Im thinking later that i may watch some Tom Cruise movies because i just dont want to watch some chick flicks.

I have a lot of things that I would love to talk about on here, but the last time i talked about a guy in detail he saw it and he pretty much dropped off the face of the earth when it came to me. so there will be no talk of a boy.
But there will be a poem from a movie that i love that doesnt really relate to me but it makes me smile and frown at the same time.


I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close…
Not even a little bit…
Not even at all
~10 Things I hate About You


So happy singles awareness day to all!

"Goodbye to you..."

This post is a farewell post.

I am saying goodbye to my dear molar.

We have had many good times together.

All the eating and chewing that went on has meant a lot to me.

My mouth will never be the same when you will no longer be there.

Molar number 15 I love you and will miss you.

In the words of our dear Avril Lavigne (pre divorce) with a substitution for one word.

"When you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The tooth I came to know is missing too"

Tonight is the last night I will spend with you and it saddens my little heart.
For tomorrow you will be gone, and I will be alone and in pain with a gap in my mouth that will only ever be for you. No one can take your place... Unless someone has 3000$ for an implant!?

Fairwell my dear friend. It has been a journey.
Audios!

Ps- anyone want to come hold my hand???

"Bang Bang BOOM!"

So lets talk about my day shall we?

Well.... my day started off a little earlier than expected...

How early?? MIDNIGHT!

i was not a happy camper.

i woke with a pounding in my mouth and tears rolling down my face.

Lets go back a little while, like 6 months or so.

It all started when i realized that my back molar had a bit of a crack on the top of it. i didnt care because it wasnt hurting at all and it wasnt that big, and well i dont have health insurance so i thought i would wait and see what i could do. Basically, i was testing fate, and well it bit me right in the butt... or should i say tooth!

So there had been zero issues with this tooth, except that food would get stuck and i would have to dig it out, and occasionally i would have a bit of pressure when i bit down on something wrong, but other than that everything was great.

Well, these last few days i have had a little bit of pain here or there but nothing bad or for too long.

Then last night... WABAAAM!! bring on the pain!

So i had to work this morning at 6 and my tooth was aching the entire time i was there... and im talking unreal unbareable pain. it was so bad that my manager told me to punch out and go upstairs to the dentist and get them to fix it because i didnt want it to be absces.

Lucky for me i am a patient at the mic mac dental (well lucky for me today) and so i went up and they take walk ins, also my dentist wasnt there either... both of these are a plus because i HATE my dentist, but thats another story. Then i asked the dreaded question, "do you do payment plans?" remember, i dont have any insurance... the receptonist responded "no. sorry we dont. all you can do is go to a walk in clinic and they will give you something for the pain and then you can come back when you can afford to pay."

I obviously left crying and called my mother immediately! I also went back down to work with tears spilling out of my eyes.

My mom called the dentist and gave them her credit card number so that she could pay for my tooth and i could pay her back.

THANK YOU MOM!

Well i went back up and they took an x-ray, the dentist comes in takes a 2 minute look and says "here are your options: 1.root canal or 2.extraction" I am already at this point worked up and emotional and having an anxiety attack and him saying this wasnt making it any easier. I got really scared and started to cry again. (I guess i should probably mention that i am TERRIFIED of needles and the dentist.)

Come to find out, he wasnt going to do it for me right then. I had to make an appointment with my own dentist.

So i made an appointment, and a different receptionist asked what i was planning on doing and i said i wasnt sure. She told me to go for the root canal and i proceeded to ask her the other dreaded question : "How much will it cost?"

ROOT CANAL: minimum of 600$. NOT including the filling or cap.

Extraction: 107$-250$
HELLO EXTRACTION!

Friday at 5:10pm i will be back in the dentist's chair freaking out and having my tooth pulled.

Until then, these are supposed to be my new BFF

This is my Penicillin. I have an infection which is causing the pain. I have to take one every 6 hours until they are gone. I am not so patiently waiting for the 6 hours to be up because I AM DYING RIGHT NOW!!!

Lets keep our fingers crossed that this kicks in soon because i do not need another wake up call in the middle of the night. I very much enjoy my sleep and would like to get some tonight.

Dear Molar, YOU SUCK!

"I think about more than I forget..."

Woke up this morning and was frustrated.

I did not want to go to work AT ALL!!

I was lucky enough that I got to go home a little early, but it wasnt enough to make me not so frustrated.

It is now almost 7:30pm and my frustration has increased by 1000%

I just wonder why I even try to be happy!!

I get a few weeks where I feel as if I am on cloud 9, and then the insecurities and realities set in.

Its as if the world knows im doing good and I have a smile on my face and decides to just rip the rug out from under me!

All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and then cry.

The night is still young and no ones home so it just might happen!!!

"to look you in the eye and tell you I dont love you..."

Tonight is date night...

I get to have a date with such an adorable man....

Yes I know its monday night and this is not a typical date night but

I just couldnt wait any longer...

This man is hot and sensitive and he just makes me smile!

I adore him.

He does have some poor judgment skills sometimes

But I am willing to look past that.

Dear Bachelor Brad... MARRY ME INSTEAD!
Monday nights will be yours, So Please accept my proposal!

"How could you just walk on by..."

Ok.. So i was going through some old things the other day and came across these old pictures! there are many memories attacted to them, both good and bad, and i just think that they are too funny!

This is me and karen at my first year of girls camp! I was 12! That was almost 12 years ago. I cannot get over how young i look. She was my pixie pal and i loved her! she was the best one i ever had... no offence to the others. I still have that teddy bear and his name is Mr. Fuffy... no i didnt mispell it, theres not supposed to be an "l"

This was my first dance! My hair is soooo long and its also curly! I had a perm back then. If that boy looks familiar its because he is someone that most of you know... it's PETER SMITH!!! Yes i had to make it bold because this really was a blast from the past. Peter was the boy i "Loved" when i was a teenager. He was my first real kiss and you never forget your first kiss.

This one is a little more recent. Its about 2 years old. Laura and i were going to a bonfire at the smiths one sunday, and she decided to bring some of her friends along... Stephen, Ryan, and Kristo. I would like to think of them as my friends too, because lets face it... a girl can never have too many! They always make me laugh and i enjoy talking to them... well i talk to one more than the others, but thats a different story that i probably wont get into for fear of the eye roll from the dear laura! haha

Another blast from the past is the lyrics that i found that a few of us girls wrote at girlscamp either my last year or the year i crashed. They go to the tune of LOVE by dear old frank... you know the one... well here are the lyrics!

B.O.Y.S

B is for the boys who dont like me

O if for the obnoxious way they pee

Y is your so crazy, I want to have your baby

S is so very long that I'll be waiting while you're gone

now boys are more than just a waste of time

boys are all thats on vanessas mind

boys in life can make it

I want you and im not taken

so boys were made for girls like us!

Well... this entry is going to be a bit longer than most.

i've had a few things on my mind lately and those things are REGRETS!

I know you all have them too, and that makes me feel better about myself.

here are just a few to name off:

1. Stupid things i've done. Now i hate that i made these choices but i have learned so much from them. They have changed me for better, and gave me a better understanding of the atonement.

2. I regret dropping out of school. Yes i said it... I regret not finishing my degree... the reasons why i regret it is because this would have been my 4th year and would only have 1 more semester left (i didnt take enough courses to graduate in 4 years). I also regret it because it would mean that i would have done something with my life. Right now im scared that to a certain person i will just be blah! It scares me that i wont be good enough for anyone.

3.I regret deleting all of my old posts from the last 3 years. Mostly because i am IN LOVE with lauras blog books and it makes me wish i still had those posts so that i could do one too haha so if any of you figure it out then please fill me in!

4. Now this regret is a love and hate relationship... earlier i loved it but right now not so much! I regret eating too many mini eggs! haha

Do you have any regrets? please share!

"I'd Lie..."

Dear J.
I am not "man" enough to send this to you, but it's something that I've needed to do for a long time now.
My heart broke when it all went down. I ached for the pain that was caused by this decision and I cried many days and nights because it hurts me so much to see the people i love hurting.
What really sucks the most is that I can kind of understand that you did what you had to do, but I just wish that you hadn't cut me out of your life as well.
I went through a pretty rough time for a while where my choices weren't the best ones, and at one point all I wanted to do was call you up and talk like we used to. You always knew what to say and I loved you for it.
It just feels so weird to not have you around anymore; for you to not be here for me like you were.
The thought of ever contacting you scares me and I wish it didnt have to be that way, but I feel that you made it that way.
Why?? I have so many questions that all start with why... As Im sure most people do, but mine, I think, are different than theirs.
I want you to know, that I will always love the girl I knew, and because of her my life has been changed forever.
You were apart of it for over 5 years and I will cherish every memory I have of and with you.

"Everytime we touch I get this feeling..."

As I'm sure you have all noticed, I've had this obession with my titles being lyrics from songs... Don't ask me why because I really have no sweet clue. Normally, however, I feature a video thats a different song. Today I will include the song to which my title came from.




Why this song? No it has nothing to do with a boy, although I wish it did haha
It just reminds me of my best friend Cortney. We used to sing this song ALL THE TIME! This version is slower than the one we would sing and I quite enjoy it.

I had a flash back to a dance in Edmonton and Cort and I requested this song and the DJ said no because apparently it has suggestive lyrics... Ok!?

Onto other things... aka another song... I have quite the obsession with KESHA. Judge me all you want, but her songs are rather catchy and I just L.O.V.E them.
On her latest album she has a song that I just fell head over heals for and I thought I wouldn't wait and would post it now.





Am I alone in the love for this song???

Also I feel rather good right now that I've been posting on a semi regular basis. I may even post later on tonight or tomorrow... but I'm sure you all know not to hold your breath.

"Everybody wants something, just a little more..."

Have you ever found yourself living in a fantasy?
That's been me these past few days.
I just can't quite seem to snap back into reality.
I wish that I could just pick which life I can lead, & lets just say...
It's for sure not the boring one that I'm living right now!!

"Tears Don't Fall They Crash Around Me..."

Do you ever cry yourself asleep because you feel like you're not good enough?
Do you ever wake up and tears are rolling down your face because you hate the feeling of being vulnerable?
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the worry that lingers in your soul?
Do you ever just wish they would tell you it was all ok?